Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 50, Number 25, Jasper, Dubois County, 6 March 1908 — Page 1

f eekly oiiftrf. Vol. 50. Jasper, Indiana, Friday, March 6, 1908. No. 25.

Confessions of An -.Old Maid in Leap Year. I seem to be surrounded by shoals, don't I? Well, that is better than getting into such deep water that I can't wade out. At least, that's the way it looks to me from my little perch in the lemon tree. After the harrowing episode with Jack Thornton I felt like singing lullabies to myself and going so fast asleep that I couldn't hear the wedding bells if they did ring. However, I reasoned that it is a pretty ill wind that lifts the shades in nobody's window. It was so easy I didn't even have to think it out for myself after all. Destiny and a doctor did the trick for me. Of couise, I had to have a doctor to bind up my sprained ankle. , So, when Aesculapius, Jr,, came, I just groaned with pain, although really the sprain was scarcely worth mentioning. I had taken time to get into my most fetching negligee before I sent for the dear little M. D. Was he a success at his profession? Well, I wouldn't have let him prescribe for Polly that is, unless I wanted her to die. He was a fresh young shoot right off the college tree, and hadn't had enough orphans yet to practice on to suit me. But the ankle didn t matter. He couldn't hurt it. Just think of the opportunities I had! Did I mention that he was a member of the house party. He was, and with bushels of leisure on his hands. Just the thing! You Should have seen me getting up and hopping around on one foot to get up a throbbing pulse for him to feel whenever the maid came to see if I could receive him! Myf but I feel proud of myself every time I think of it. 'Well, the result was that he entertained me pretty steadily for a few diys. Whenever he would start to go, I got to allowing the tears to fill up my appealing eyes. Of course, in the process of feeling my pulse and consoling me I managed it so that my hand was pretty near his most oi the time. That helped some. Anyway, I thought to show him how interested I was in his work, so I begged him to lend me one of the volumes he was studying. Next time he came I told him that in addition to my other woes my inferior maxillary was aching and that it seemed to be communicating the pain to the orbicularis palpebrarum. Believe me, he nearly fell off the chair. Then, by way of reviving him, I told him I was bavine: trouble with my levator angull scapulae. m Well, wasn't my neck Just as stiff as coulü be from keeping it in the same position in order to look at him? Common gratitude ought to make him cure it. I coughed and he said that the pectoralis major was also affected, just as if 1 knew a pectoralis major from a corporal of the guard. I hadn't studied up on that. I told him that a young physician just starting out should have a good sensible wife to take care of him. If I was a doctors wife I would take pleasure Jn getting up to see that he was well wrapped when he was called in the middle of the night. I said that I would sit up and see that there was warm coffee waiting for him when he returned. Would you think it? That nearly got him started, but not quite. He remarked that I ought to have been a doctor's wife. Should have bean! Ye gods! Bill was no "has been" and she would show him! I then sweetly told him that I thought the mistake most doctors made was in taking too young a wife. A woman to understand sp-grand 'a character must be older than him. Then thei e was such a flow of winged words and such a blossoming of little flowerets of wisdom that he then and there got down on his patellas to me figuratively, as yet. ' Julius was small and slightly stooped and had weak eyes. He would have had a mustache, only there was no encouragement for it to grow on that stretched shiny skin. Oh, 1 forgot that I hadn't told you his name. It was Julius Alberts -is still, unless he is going under an alias to hide from me. I began calling him Julius and asked him to call me Bill. Well, he was the hardest fish to catch that had yet come within the sphere of my influence, and I saw that something desperate must be done He was called back to town and came to make me a farewell call. You may believe it or not, but I just went 1.. " the prettiest spell of conniptbn fits you ever saw. teria wasn't in it! I clung to him and refused to let him go. 1 told him that I could not part with him; that the trusting tendrils of my heart had so wound arjund him that to separate us was to tear them out by the roots. I thought I could scare him into promising to marry me to get me quiet. I knew if he ever promised I could manage him. What did I want with a husband under such circumstances? Why I surely didn't neglect to tell you about the old maid aunt who intends to leave him barrels of money, did I? I just wanted a go at one of the barrels, that's all. But I "must finish my story. Failure was not in my dictionary, but I didn't 'know just which way to turn. It was "hie labor, hoc opus" for Bill. So I decided to try another round of the hvsteria. I ran back to get a good start and howled and kicked till they heard me downstairs. That's just what I was fishing for. I wanted witnesses. When I felt sure that the rescue party was near at hand

I just quietly tumbled to the couch. While he had me in transit--imagine great big me and little bit of he!--in ran Viola. Who was? Why our hostess, of course.

Would you believe it, he didn't even stop to help revive

me. ne just ran line a scared rabbit, rie stopped ion enough in town to tell Bert and Bella that they shoul have me examined for lunacv. The idea! and mv clair

voyant eye tells me he is still hitting the road in the high

places. Will I try again? Confidenlially, the bird never lived that could produce a white feather for Bill's cap. More anon. Arietta B. Canfield.

For Courier Readers

Adapted Jingles from Great Poets In Regard to Jasper's Enterprising Business Men.

I bought a handsome cloak at Ed Kuebler's Dry Goods Store You should have heard the compliments when that same coat I wore; My friends all said it was "too sweet," my brother said 'twas "swell," My husband said he never seen me when I looked so well. It's lined with satin thro and thro and trimmed with braid galore. For Style and Elegance just go to Ed Kuebler's Dry Goods Store.

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4 Seibert's Bread is clean and sweet ?

jj Better far than cake to eat, 3 Its very looks so crisp and light 4 Is sure to whet the appetite. &

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I For Dry Goods are always pure v a tt n j

auu raiic) vjiucenes lur sure

I If like Sir Galahad, of Old, jf You seek an article of Pure Gold, j I A Ruby, Sapphire, Opal, Pearl, fj Or a Diamond ring for your best girl; jI Frank Kuebler's is the very best place 5j

I For everyone knows his line is the best.

This is Leap Year, so get you a man, Then so to Lorev Bros, as quick as you can.

J They are selling fine furniture you know 5 And you can get a bargain if you go.

4 They have soft mattresses and beds of brass, So do as I tell you, my dear little lass. & fary v v j v v"n,n8fiyiB ry W WWlT Wi

He looked for a suit far and wide, To fit him the tailors all tried, He bought one at Will Kuebler's And nothing it lacks And now he is well satisfied.

Haberly has a store on the Public Square Where you go with HER to get something sweet. He has candy and creams and sodas' galore. And his chocolate creams make you holler for more. As I said before you must take her a box If her sweetheart you'd be. His soda's I love And I hope when I die Haberiy keeps a store above.

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t Lampert & Bockleman lead them all, I With bargains at their Sixth Street Store.

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Patoka Lily Flour is far the best. Its sales run away beyond the rest. People who eat it are healthy and strong And a comfor 'to friends the whole year long.

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Mr. Farmer if vnn nrp wi'rp M

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ine wagner Wagon you will try; For Buggies of style and quality,

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' Travelers, Travelers stop and eat! f

2 Stewart's fine meals can't be beat. a 'Choicest Mutton, Beef and veal's Jelly omelet and oh, my 3 The verv finest kind of nie

4 At the Stewart House, North Main, t

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TT UGH JUUL 1 IV uuiv And to walk makes you hop; Then the shoes you'll adore

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She who at Mrs. Uummiskeys buys 2

Proves to the world that she is wise.

None other with this store can compare,

Qualities are superlative-styles are rare, 11 enrinnr TTnfe; tft HllS nlP.fi P0

She ouotes the lowest prices on hats galore.

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Do you want a Princess Dresser, How's I he State of your exchequer, You'll be pleased if I'm a guesser. If you go to John F. Alles who has The Finest Furniture of all kinds.

M Stands for Melchior, a widely known fact; Stands also for Money, everyone knows that. Combine these two truths and a third is laid bareThat Melchior saves Money for all who trades there.

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The Old Town Bored

8 In a little country village a One Monday night in May, ml Iii T- .1 ll i

rne oiq cown uorea assemDiea In grand and full array. And as the scented zephrs Wafted out the sweet refrain. Fond memories of our town Bored Went flashing through my brain. How often, many a year ago I ambled down the street Harmless, hatless, coatless, The old town Board to meet. How I longed to be the Marshal With the schooners when they clashed Gay uniform with polished star In the lamp light how it flashed. I heard them say wise sayings. At the town hall near the bank I heard their mournful cadence As the amber fluid sank. I saw them look important At the old time city "Mare." And heard the wise quotations

4. At the town hall near the square. Here the marshal and his buddie

While the sound of empty schooners Floated out into the blue. How I used to smile and listen When the Bored would strike a plan And "Undo Jake" would do the winj dance

,i'vo wandernd far in other towns

4 4

I'v" semi some fa-nous Borods From Ma'tersville to Huntingburg; From Dale to Seitz's ford. But when the evening shadows fall I dream of Jasper's horde And again in fancy seem to hear The breaks of our old Bored. So when life's busy scene is o'er And I stand before the gate, I trust that good Saint Peter. Will not say "Alas too late." T?r T Irnnttr fVinf T cVtnll oolr Vilm

"J In a modest sort of way

SI To let me hear the funny breaks

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a uur town uorea useu to maite.

Squedunk.