Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 35, Number 32, Jasper, Dubois County, 21 April 1893 — Page 3

WEEKLY COUUlEli.

C. DOAXK, I'ubllHhtu'. INDIANA SAJiAH JENKINS. The Story of a Plain Girl With a Million Dollars. She wasn't a pretty tfirl. Those who liked Iter best couldn't, with any show of houesty, say that sho was. Neither was she young not as the world defines youth (or she was thirty-two. She whs taller than thu average woman, and her figure had none of the .symmetry that makes tall women attractive. Her face was plain. She hadu't even Tirety eyes to redeem it; and, as if this were not misfortuno enough, her mother had named her Sarah, and that, too, after she had been guilty of marrying a man named Jeukins. Not pretty, not young, and named Sarah Jenkins! Add to this the fact that she had to tarn her own livintr, and you have a Mini-total that does not promise well for the heroine of a story. Hut there Is a law of compensation that helps to even up things in thin world. This law was observed in the case of Sarah. She had prospects. That was what people said when they looked at her homely face and angular figure and thought of her toil. For everybody understood that when old John Jenkins died Sarah would not need to work any more; and the possession of a million dollars does mora to soften the unbeautiful lines in a girl's face and figure than any tricks of the toilet. So the world Sarah's world was not so sympathetic as it might have been, and as for Sarah herself well, she wasn't given to sentiment overmuch. Her life had not been of the kind that tends to foster sentiment. Her mother and father had died before she could remember, and her grandfather, with whom she lived, was her only relative. John Jenkins had likings for people just as he had for houses. He liked both just as long as he could control them and make them profitable. When a house ceased to yield him sufficient revenue to pay for the money invested in it, that house was sold. When people about him ceased to be ieful to John Jenkins he simply dropped them and forgot that they existed. His only son had been a disap pointment to him because he was not successful in business, and when his father wanted him to marry a rich wife and try to get even with his luck, young John dared to have different views, and married one of his father's clerks. She made him a good wife enough, hut somehow nothing prospered with them. The old man seemed to forget that lie hijd ever had a son, and finally young John gave up the struggle and died. His wife, who was a meek and obedient creature, seeing no other way out of it, died too. When old John heard of it he said: 'I'm not surprised; not a bit They were too shiftless to live." And then he said not another word, nor did he show any signs of emotion. Some one wrote to him about the baby, asking what should be done. "Send her to me," was the old man's answer. "I'll take care of her until fche is old enough to take care of herself." So the baby vas sent to her grandfather, and she was taken care of just as were the young animals on his farms. Some one was paid to do it who knew how, and the some one was given this instruction: "Let her hare plenty of good, plain food no sweet! to ruin her teeth and stomach. Dress her in clothing that is clean and comfortable. No folly, mind. If she is hick, eall a doctor. When she is old enough send her to school, and let me hear no more ahout her." When she was seventeen years old she went one day to her grandfathers office. They were almost strangers. Sarah had not spokeu to him a dozen times in all her life. "Well." demanded old John Jenkins, "what do you want?" "You advertised for a business manager," answered Sarah, "and I have come to ask for the place." "You? What do yuu know ahout business?" "Nothing, practically. Theoretically I know all about it, for I have just completed a business education. I cannot sar that 1 shall not make a failure; hut I should like to try." "H'ra." grunted old John. "Think you'd like to experiment on me. do you? That's exactly what your father thought. His experiment was not a success. " "Then yon don't care to engage me," said the girl. She had been standing near the door, and now she made a movement to go. "I didn't say so," snarled the old man. "Sit down a minute. How old are you?" "Seventeen." "H'm, yes. Well, when your father wa seventeen he " "Never mind mv father," broke in the girl. "He is out of this entirely. H is not necessary, nor is it In good taste, to discuss his shortcomings. am the one who is applying for this place. 1 don't know whether I'm com Petent to do the work or not. Neither do yon until you try me. If you don't wish to try me I'll look for a place omewhcre else." 0U1 John Jenkins pushed up his Classes and looked at the girl. Ho had never taken the trouble tb observe her wefore. She wasn't prepossessing, The light-brown hair was brushed straight back from the strong-featured face. Her hat was utterly devoid of trimming and nulte unbecoming. Her lrcss was like the dresses she had worn all her life, made for service, without regard to anything else. Old Jphn's keen eyes took in the tout ensem

"c of the slim figure before him, and

ha Raid to himself: "She's homely enough There won't bo any nonsense about lovers und that sort of thing," and with Iii usual dispatch he decided to try her. "You may come next Monday morning at eight o'clock," ho said. "That desk will be yours, and the fint thing you aro to do is to go over tlm books. If you're going to manage my business you must get acquainted with it." "What will you pay me?" asked Sarah. "Oh, you want to make a hargaln, doy.u? That isn't bad," thought the old man. "I wouldn't wonder if she'd do. I believe she's got somo of my meanness in her, and it makes her sharp." Aloud he said: "How much do you want?" And Sarah promptly replied: "I want fifty dollars a month until I learn the business then I want seventy-five up to the end of the first year. After that, if we are both satisfied, we will make a contract." "Well, you don't hesitate to say what you want, do you?" Here old John Jenkins did what no one had ever known him to do before he smiled. "Who's to be the judge when you have 'learned the business,' as you call it?"

he asked. "You are," replied the girl. "I have always heard you were honest, and I do not look for injustice." If Sarah Jenkins had pondered all day she could have said no wiser thing than this, for John Jenkins' pride was in what he was pleased to call his honesty. He had been called hard and avaricious and unyielding, but no one had ever said he was not honest. "All right, my girl," he said, and his tone had softened somewhat. "You come and try your best and I'll do the right thing by you." That was how tsarah Jenkins camo to sit at a desk in John Jenkins' otlice for fifteen years, and then the old man turned his face to the wall and died, leaving his granddaughter everything he possessed, as it had been expected he would do. On the day that the property was made over to her, Sarah went to the humble boarding-house that had been her home for a long time and. shutting herself in her room, sat down to think. She looked about tne snauuy nine place. She looked over her plain, scanty wardrobe. She looked at herself in the glass. And then she looked again at the folded paper which said she was worth a million. She went back over the dull routine of her life. Sarah had reached the age when most women are happy wives and mothers. Hut, for her, the years had held noth ing but hard work. Even the romances of happy lives written in books had not interested her. She had not understood them. All lier thougnt nau occn con cent rated upon her work. '1 hat was at an cud now, and she realized for the first time that something was missing out of her life. Immediately she missed the something she began vaguely to lone for it Her woman's nature seemed to awake, and with its awak ening came to Sarah Jenkins the first really unhappy moments of her life. She becran to compare herself with other women. They had never in terestcd her very much before. Hut now she seemed, all at once, to keenly realize that they were different from her. She went again to the glass and looked at herself. For the first time it occurred to her that she was very plain; that the dressing of her hair was unbecoming, and that her gown tilted badly and was not like other women's gowns, fcaran aid not possess a riuoon or a bit of lace or a jewel. Her room had none of the pretty trinkets with which women like to surround them selves. She stood looking m the glass for five minutes, thinking. Then she put on her hat, went out on the street and walked straight to one of the stores, where she purchased an entire suit of clothing, from hat to gloves. I want something handsome," she said to the saleswoman; "something that fits me and is becoming." This done, sh e went back to her room, dressed nerscn in mo new wungjs and then deliberately placed one after another of her possessions upon the grate fire. Witnin an hour she had not one solitary thing that she had ever owned before. She left the house without a word of farewell, and when she reached the sidewalk she stood for a moment wondering where she would go. She had not a friend in the great city. All the people she knew were merely business acquaintances. She had only the clothes she wore and a million dollaas. It Is a matter of wonder, even to those who realize It best, what a miracle may be wrought with money. In three months from the day that Sarah stood in tho street with nothing save her inheritance she was owner and mistress of one of Hie best-appointed houses in New York. There was no lack now of fine dresses and laces and jewels; no lack of people who called, leaving cards and invitations, and no lack of men who were ready to pay court and compliments to her. These three months had been a revelation to Sarah. It was her first exwith the social world. Hut her long business training had given her keen insight into things and hail taught her to form quick and nearly always correct opinions of people. For the first month she was interested. The second she was bored, and the third she was thoroughly unhappy and dissatisfied. The functions of so ciety she found wearisome. I he po lite lies that people continually told each other disgusted her. The light ness with which society regarded what she considered crimes shocked her. She found herself longing for something that was genuine and good, and wondering whether auybody was really honest. This state of things beenmc intol erable to tho plain, practical business woman. She thought it nil ovcrono night, ns she sat alone in her luxurious chamber. It was different, vastly different, from tho room where she did her Militating three months before. Was this what aha had missed thea

aad longed for to sit alone in the

midst of all this splendor and wonder what she should do with. herself; to realize that not one of all the new friends who swprmcd about her aad readily accepted her hospitality really cared a button for her? Could she spend all the years of her life this way? No. She could not and she would not Sarah Jenkins arrived at conclusions quickly. Early the next morning she sent for her lawyer. "I want you to sell this house for me," she said. "Why," replied the lawyer, "you have only just bought it." "No matter, I want to sell It "Are you going away?" "No. I am going to buy another house that will suit me better." "This isn't handsome enough for her," thought the lawyer. " Tut a beggar on hor.seback " Aloud he said: "Very well, Miss Jenkiui, I'll attend to it" Sarah's next move was to look for her new house. She found it, an unpretentious dwelling in a quiet side street She had it put in perfect order, aud furnished prettily and neat ly, but without a touch of gorgeousness anywhere. Meanwhile the handsome up-town house with all its fur nishings had been sold, and one day Sarah walked into the office where she had spent so many years. It was her office now, and her business. She said to the young man who had taken her place: You will take charge of the ship ping at the same salary you have now. I will occupy this place hereafter," and she took oft her hat, seated herself on the high stool, and began picking up the threads of the old life just where she had dropped them. "This is tho first happy day I have known for three months," she said to George Howe, the old bookkeeper, as she went out that night. He was a grave, staid man of fifty, who had been with the house for nearly thirty years. No one knew much about him. He said, one Christmas, when asked about his gifts, that there was no one to give him anything. "Why." asked the inquirer, "haven't you any folks?" "I have no one in the world but my self," said George Howe, aud he turned nmin to his books. That was all he had ever säid about himself to anyone. Indeed, he never said much about anything. During all the vears that he had sat in tho same office with Sarah Jenkins he had only spoken to her upon matters of busi ness, and she regarded him in very much the same way that she did tho big ledger in front of him. So, when Sarah volunteered the re mark concerning her happiness George was surprised somewhat, but he an swercd, pleasantly: ' "It is good to sec you back here. I have missed you very much." All the way home Sarah thought ol those words: "1 have missed you very much." No one had ever said that to her before. She didn't belicTC anyone had ever missed her! She sat down in her cozy little sitting-room that night, after tea. and indulged in one of her characteristic "thinks." She had tasted the fruit of luxury, and found it of bit ter flavor. She had comforted herself bv iroimr back to her work. So far she was satisfied. Hut she had also tasted the sweets of human companionship, and nov it was not pleasant to think of spending the rest of her life alone. There were plenty of people who would share her home for the sake of sharing her money. She did not want that sort She thought again of tho old bookkeeper. He had said that he had missed her very much and she be lieved that he meant it. George Howe was not enough skilled in the ways of society folk to say what he did not mean. Suddenly an idea came to Sarah. She got up und walked to and fro in her room. Til do it," she said, at last "It wouldn't be the thing for a rich society woman, but for a plain business woman it's all right Anyway there's no one to find fault with me if it isn't all right" The next morning George Howe was sitting at his desk as usual when Sarah came into the office. She went up to him. "Good morning," said she, and George answered: "Good morning." Then he waited for orders which he supposed she had come to give. "You told me last night that you had missed me. Did you mean it?" asked Sarah. "Why, yes. Miss Sarah; of course I meant it' I have missed you." "Why have you missed me?" This was rather straightforward questioning. George was embarrassed aifcl answered awkwardly: "Why, I don't know. You were here so long I'd kind of got used to you, and then well, I always liked you, Miss Sarah." "You live alone, don't you, George?" "Yes." "And you have no relatives?" "Not one." , "Do you ever get lonesome?" And then George Howe surprised Sarah Jenkins. He turned toward her with quivering lips and eyes filled with tears. "Lonesome, Miss Sarah," he said, brokenly, "lonesome? Why, sometimes I'd give a year of my life just to talk to somebody." "Come over to my house to-night," said Sarah, "and talk to me. I have something to say to you." "I will come," answered George. And he went One week later they were married. And their unpretentious home now holds a happy wife. Margaret M. Mer. rill, in Frank Leslie's Weekly. A Mlc SpHI. "My friends tell mo that there Is tnnfIe snell about my writings," si a said the author, complacently, as the editor looked over somo of his mauuscript "Yes, I think there is, but I prefer Webster's style of orthography, myself." replied the editor, as ho handed the manuscript back. Yaakse Wade,

AH, SUGAR IS SWEETI

If You Item Trait CtirOHrate That l'7 Swept Dividend. W'liott A; Gray's Sugar Trade Joursal of March 0 says: 'At a meeting of the board of directors oi tne Ainencau augur ncuuiug Co., held .March 7, tho following were unanimously adopted: "Whereas, The carnuißr. of tho com pany during thu past quarter warrant an increase of dividend on tho common stock, and 'Whereas, Since the annual report of the treasurer to stockholders on December 1, 1S92, received from the corporations whose stock Is held by this company (for the year ended March 1, 1893) rendered unnecessary for wonting capital the further retention of the surplus earnings of 1801 aud 109:2, as shown by the annual report; "Uesolved, That there be paid a quar terly dividend of a per cent on thu common stock, and in addition there bo paid an extra dividend of 10 per cent on the common stock from the surnlus earnings of lS'Jl and 1802, and that a dividend of per cent, be paid on that portion of tho preferred stock of thu company which is entitled to quarterly dividends, all the above divi dends being payable on April 2 to stockholders of record March 13, when tho transfer, books will be closed, to re open on April 2. "In uduition to tho above resolution the statement is authorized that the . . 5.1! . company on .Maren l, niter proviuing for all these dividends, lias a surplus oi net earnings of tf.OOO.OOO in the treasury." Notwithstanding that more than onehalf of the 75,000,OQO stock (half com mon and half preferred) is water, yet the hoMcrs of common stock certificates will receive, on April 2, a divi dend of 1.1 per cent with tho promise of 'J per cent more before tho close of the year, Widos a share In the surplus earnings (already S5.000.000) that can, and may, increase the dividends 1.1 or 20 per cent more. Deducting that part of the profits made in 1891 it is evident that this giant trust cleared, in 1802. after investing tens of millions of dollars in refineries and properties, at three times their actual value, about f lj.OOO.OOO.'enual to about .I per cent on the common and 7 per cent on the preferred stock, or 20 per cent on the whole stock. Taking out tho water the earnings on the actual capital ap pear to be about -10 per cent Hut com mon stock which gets tho greater part of the profits is earning about about G6 nor cent on the actual capital baclc of it The holders of original trust certifi cates can step into the office at the end of each year and draw out two-thirds as much as they put in, without dimin isliinir tho original investment Isn't it splendid! and all because McKinley trave the trust free raw sugar and a duty of i cent per pound on refined sugar. As the trust refines over :i,000, 000.000 pounds per year and collects the full half cent on every pound from thu American people, this duty Is worth over 15.000.000 a year to it This was an entire gratuity from McKinley. Rig refiners have Btatcd under cath that sugar can be refined as cheaply hero as anywhere. Tho cost of renn ing about cent per pound. During 1892 granulated sugar sold for about 1,V cents more per pound than raw IHJ percent centrifugal. If this is not legalized robbery, by what terra shall it ba known? It is no wonder that McKinley finds hosts of friends in and out of the Home Market club who are ready to contribute a few thousand dollars to help him out of his present financial difficulty. They could afford to buy Central park, build iuat?niflccnt palace In it, and denote It all to their tariff benefactor. If Mc Kinley made a bargain with the manu facturers (like the Hawaiian sugar barons have dono in regard to sugar bounties with the Hawaiian plnnters) that he should receive one half of all of the protection monopoly profits made under his bill, he would now be the wealthiest man in the world and would be the first billionaire. It was a shame that he neglected tho people and made his bill in tho interest of trusts; it will bo scandalous If he now accepts finan elal assistance from any manufacturer or representative of a monopoly bene fitted by his tariff bill. Rvno.v W. Hoir. SPECIFIC DUTIES. A Drur importer Kiiiohps Their, Bad t rat im-. A prominent Now York dealer in chemicals, drugs and medicines, In ex pressing his views before tho tariff re form committee of the Reform club now prenarlng a tariff bill such as it would like to see adopted, pays In re gar.l to specific duties: "While, in the abstract, specific duties arc the ideal duties; while they aro per haps easier to collect and certainly easier to determine, yet from the vast number of articles coming under the headings of drugs, medicines and chem icals it Is virtually impossible to adopt specific duties. To do so would neccssl täte special mention of many thousand of articles, nnd would prove cumber some in the extreme; I ara, therefore, of the opinion, based on many years' ex perience, that in this clas of raerchan dlse ad valorem duties are tho only practicable ones. "Now, to come down to the present tariff law, It has retained almost all o the abuses contained in the law of 1893 added a few new ones, and brought ro lief In but few instances on articles of minor importance. The greatest chango has bean made by the introduction of paragraph 7, vhlch reads: 'All mcdicl nal preparations, including mcdicina proprietary preparations, of which alcohol Is n component part, or in tho prep aration of which alcohol Is used not specially provided for In this act, fifty cents per pound.' The mischief lies itt the clause 'or in tho preparation öi which alcohol is used.' Under the ruling of thu board of general appraisers all alkaloids and salts of alkaloids which otherwise (under paragraph 70) would pay 25 per cent ad valorem duty are now entered under this clause at tho rate of fifty cents per pound, a tremendous reduction In almost all In stances and a contlngucncy certainly

sevftr contemplated by the fraraei oi this paragraph. As illustrations of the working of this clause, let mo name a

few articles which now como in at thu rate of fifty cents per pound, and which but for this ill-chosen and illconsidered phrase would pay about the following rates of duty: Cocnlno muriate 1400 per la Knerlno sulphate "oJ HoBiatrophlno hydrohromato IM.uo Hyoiclno hyilrobrotnalo 2J5.0) " " 'These am all salts of alkaloids, anu used In medicine only. In addition to such articles, paragraph 74 has also been made to apply to medicinal prep arations protected by patents, and in the strictest sense of tho word monopolies. All these come In now at tho rate of SO cents per pound, because in somo stigu of their preparation alcohol is used, whereas they should pay, accord ing to their valuo abroad and the 2. per cent clause of paragraph 70, ahout tho following rate of duty: Antfpyrln -M per pound Jperazlti per pounu Dluretln .oo per pouna "Hoth of these lists can bo extended almost indefinitely, and according to the statement made to the writer by a former assistant appraiser of the port of New York, which statement I fully ndorse, the government has been de prived of millions of dollars of revenue under tho workings of this clause. which was intended by its authors only to bring about the manufacture of chloralhydrato in this country; it has acted like a boomerang and has made American competition in this extensivo class of merchandise absolutely impossible." CANADA IN LINE. The Ureat Political Revolution In Till Country Having It KITcct In Caiman. The good effect of the battle of No vember 8th, 1892, will extend to all tho countries of the world and throughout all time. Taking heart from tho victory of patriotism and enlightened selfinterest in this country, over plutocracy and blind selfishness, the good and over-taxed people of Canada are now waging tho sitmo war against "protection" and greed that was waged here last year. The Manitoba and northwestern members of tho Cana dian parliament have agreed unani mously to support Mr. Davin's motion to put barbed wire, farm implements binder twine, coal oil and cotton on tho free list Many heretofore conservative members and papers have come out against protection. Hut perhaps the most significant thing of all Is tho action of the Central Farmers' insti tute at its annual convention, which has just closed In Toronto. They passed unanimously the following comprehensive resolution, which explains it self: 'That, whereas, tho farmers of Can ada, during the last thirteen years, have largely supported a protective policy for the purpose of establishing and building up the manufacturing in terests of this country; and, whereas. such manufacturing industries as are suitable for this country have received such assistance for a period long enough to enable them now to withstand fair and open competition; and, whereas, the Canadian Manufacturers' associa tion at its annual meeting, held in To ronto. Feb. 7. declares and reaffirms its determination to support and perpetu ate the high tariff policy; bo it, therefore, resolved, that this meeting here by declares and affirms that to continue aud perpetuate such high tariff policy will bo detrimental to tho vital interests of the agricultural community; that we are of the opinion that the time has come for the adoption of free trade with Great Hritain and the same privilege to foreign countries that will give a Hko privilege to us. All ltlght, Cnnnila! Tho Norfolk Reformer of Ottawa, Ont, said on March 12: "The reform party cannot get frco trade with the United Status, any more than the conservatives can. The United States market is an absolute necessity to Canada. It can bo obtained in one way and in one way only, and that fact may as well bo faced at once by both parties. "Let us become n part of that great country and take upon ourselves tho duties of statehood, and immediately we will have the free trade we want, and there will roll over Canada a tldo of prosperity unknown in the history of the country. "This is no party question. It con corns the happiness and well-being of every household In Canada, and every man who wishes well to his family should join the movement for conti nental union, the reunion of the AngloSaxon raco in North America," Of course if Canada and the United States are ono country any tariff wall between them would bo as absurd and harmful as ono between two states. Now, while they are two eouutnes, two tariff walls are necessary to maintain prosperity on both sides. Glvo us harder problem! Protrctlon la Not tlnad. The Philadelphia Record contains i suggestive cartoon. Two geese labeled "Silver Purchase Democrat" and '.'Enormous Appropriations Democrat" aro carelessly approaching a fox, lying on its back as If dead. The fox is labeled "High Protection." The cartoon is entitled "The gceso that think tho fox Is dead," and Is intended for anobjcctlesson for democrats. The idea Is a good ono and expresses a truth which may be more conspicuous to tho democrats after they have made, or tried to make, a tariff bill on the lines of the Chicago platform. Hut K conies with poor grace from a newsn' per that advocates now duties on mich? tea and coffee, and the leaving of pro tective tariff duties on "tcxtllo fabrics of every description, products of iron and steel, earthenware, glassware," etc., (all of which articles, by tho way, arc manufactured in Philadelphia), be cause "tirlff beneficiaries, whose inter ests deserve consideration," are not 9a favor of a "ruthless cutting of protect ive duties." No, tho high protection fox Is not dead, and he lives at tho same old quarters and docs business in tho same old way.

PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

A curious collection of books about different varieties of trees may be see In a library In Germany. Each book Rppoars to bo a log of wood, tho back being finished In the bark of the partlcnlar tree described within, whlleone side shows tho tree-trunk in Its natural stato and tho othur is polished and varnished. A pretty story Is told anent Mrae. Christino Nllsson's recent gift of f3,00 towanl founding a hospital in France for tho cure of diseases of the throat. In her poverty-stricken childhood, whoa only seven years old, tho great singer was attacked with croup and was taicen totho hospital, where sho was saved. The new hospital is her thanks-offering. Emin Pasha's fate still remains good deal of a mystery, but the great traveler's little daughter, lerlda, wno mado her way from Wadelal to Ilagamoyo two years ago, nearly starred, still remains at the latter place. She has quite recovered from the privations . ... ... ,. t . .1 of that terrible time, anu is uescrioeu . mm. 1 I as being a spngntiy, weii-growu (in of 11. In all probability the greatest mon arch, as far as size goes, who rules in the world is tho king of the Gilbert islands, Teiburimon, who weighs 30 pounds. His son, tho crown prince, is still heavier. A daughter of his majes ty, only 8 years old, weighs 110 pounds. Tho king; has an American cook, and lives In a comfortable fashion, as ni subjects pay a poll tax of fl each. For tho house which Rudyard Kip ling is having built at Rrattloboro, Vt, much care is being taken in selecting the color of tho stones for the walls. They arc brought from old fences, and tho moss is left clinging to them to en hance the effect Tho upper part of tho house will be constructed of shin gles, stained a grassy green, with a view to mako the place melt into tho hillside as if grown into the landscape. The widow of Gen. Sheridan went to tho White House tho other, day to pay her respects to tho president Mr. Cleveland affably suggested that sho might renew her acquaintance with Mrs. Cleveland. This was cheerfully assented to by Mrs. Sheridan, and tho president personally conducted her to tho private portion of the exccutivo mansion, not trusting the delicate mission to any of tho attaches of the household. ' Sophie May, whose pen created tho "Dottic Dimple," "Little Prudy" and "Flaxie Frizzle" stories and many others known and loved by children and young people all over tho country. Is now over sixty years of ago, and since her attack of paralysis, two years ago. she has decided to lay aside her pen permanently. Her real name Is Miss Rebecca Clark, and she has always lived in the pleasant old three-story brick houso on tho banks of the Kennebec, In Norridgewock, Me., where bIic was born. Miss Clark's sister married Mr. Stephen D. Lindsay, who succeeded Mr. Illalno in congress, and many of tho Sophie May heroines wcro drawn from tho littlo Llndsaj's. HUMOROUS. Vnn Arndt "What do you generally take for a headache?" Do Swltl "A champagne supper." Vogue. "You must have perseverance," said tho young physician's friend. "No," was the reply, "what I want is patients." Washington Star. A Verdant Old Age. She "DW your grandfather live to a green old age?" He "Well, I should say sol He was swindled three times after he was eventy." She "Are you in tho auction business?" He "No. Why do you ask?" She "Hecauso you hold my hand, and sav you arc going, going, but neve go"." N. Y. Ledger. Very Thoughtless of Them. Dusty Rhodes "Say, (lore's a ,story in dc paper nbout a man what killed all his folks, because dcy wanted him to go to work." Weary Haggles "Dn t was terrible!" Dusty Rhodes "Yc-cs; dey onghtcr have knnwrd better." Puck. "Mary Jane," said tho Dakota farmer to his spouse, "it seems like flyin' In the face of Providence to name the boy Elijah. It sounds too much Hko the old feller in the Iliblc that was carried away" by a cyclone. I don't think it's a proper name at all for this country." Indianapolis Journal. Mrs. Trcmlow "Dick writes from Constantinople that ho's sent us a real old Damascus blado for a memento." Grandma Trcmlow "I hope he'll lchave better than that young Baltimore one he brought from Yale last summer. I didn't get a wink of sleep for a week while ho was here." Smith, Gray A Ca's Monthly. Mrs. Clara Foltz, when In San Diego, had for examination one day a large, burly Irishman. The idea of being questioned by a woman lawyer was to him a huge joke, until she began to question him on personal matters, when, assuming a suspicious air, he remarked: "I don't know yer intentions, mum; but I'm a married man." Mammy Church is an old nearest who washes for a living, and who, In the delivery of her patron's goods, has a good deal of hobbling around to do in all sorts of weather. The past winter overtaxed her patience, and the climax of her complainings was reached on o Washington's birthday, when the tremendoas storm of that day evoked tho exclamation: "Ncbbor sco do like er dis winter sence I waz bo'n! Hit do orpenr tor mc knt de Lor' dono gcttln ol' an' childish. " Roston Courier. The Soap Ho Wanted. The guest at a hotel in Flint found in the morning that the soap which ho was expected to use possessed several of tho characteristics of the geological namesake of tho town aad made a kick. "Here," he said t Ute hoy who responded to the hell, "I vraMt so sie t soep I can wash with." "What's tlity-matter wtk what you're (rot?" inquir ed the boy. SW good." "It ought, to be. It's the castlle aoap." "OH, is ,Jt," sseerea tk. guest. "Well, yo take It away aM hrlaf me some of he best castiroa seaa. May he I ean handle it wore MtlafeL. torily. Detroit F Press.

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