Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 34, Number 16, Jasper, Dubois County, 1 January 1892 — Page 3

WEEKLY COURIER.

C. DOAXX, FwudUhor. Mir IXDIAMA, AN OLD RAILROADER'S STORY. KImM? Art. ! C'WfceiM antl KfU PrrtU, f'fMMfi Meat ttt MHtMrtt I don't boHev m good action goes aare warded," said an old railroad sub the other dy to the writer. "About twenty yeare ago I was shovelling black diamonds to boil the water ia a locomotive on the Wabash railway between Lafayette. I nil., and Danville, 111. Near Attica, Intl.. there waa an overhead wagon bridge across the track that had killed e lose than five brake awn in Are years, and one dark, stormy night, in eoming down the hill, I happened to remember that we had a green brakemaa ahead, who was unacquainted with the road. I spolce to the engineer about it, but lie said; 0h. let him go; he'a all right.' But I didn't feci like letting a fellow mortal take any auch chances, and started back over the train, crawl ing from car to car in the Egyptian darkness, and came near being blown off several times, aa it wan blowing groat gun, and old No, r'A was fanning that train fifty miles per hourdown tho summit. Hack twelve cars from the engine I found 'Brakcsy.' who was aa tall, handsoma man aa you could find in a thousand, and. he was twisting up the alack of those brake chains with neatness and dispatch, while the wheels made a regular torchlight procossion along tho rails. Ho was badly scared when ho first discovered mo by the light of his old 'antern, crawling along the running board, with my face as black as theuee of spades from the dusty diamonds. " 'Sit down! Sit down!' I cried, so loud that I almost imagined tin whistle was sounding for Attica; and down he sat, su hurd and quick that ho bit his tongue, and tho next moment we flew under the bridge, while his lamp seemed to burn brighter as it disclosed those heavy timbers over our heads that had killed many poor brakemen. He came near fainting when he clasped my hand, and wo sat for several moments on the wet deck of the car, and neither of us apokc a single word, but we were as white around the eyes as the ghost of Hamlet's father. ".Six years afterward I was in Fort Wayne, Ind., at the Wabash depot, one morning, tho most disconsolate man on God's earth. 1 had been hurt on the road several years before, was unable to work, and was trying to get back home to old Lafayette, Ind., aa I thought to die. I was hungry and tired, and didn't hare a cent in the world, nnd to see the people step up to the lunch counter and call for hot coffee that was smelling to Heaven was enough to set a poor, flatbroke invalid crazy. I hud begun to think that all my friends had been conveniently translated bodily from earth to Heaven, when a tall, handsome conductor, with a silver lamp and goldbanded cap, approached me and inquired: " 'Didn't you fire an engine about five years ago on the western division of the abssh?' " 'Yea.' I replied, 'and it was a sorry day that I ever went to railroading.' " 'Do you recognize me?' "No, .sir.' And yet I thought his face began to nsssumu the angelic " 'Well, I will refresh your memory. "Do you recollect of risking your life onvt dark, stormy night in crawling over a freight train to warn a green brakotnan about a dangerous overhead bridge below Attica?' " 'Vo.i bet I do! Bui you're not Hilly the brakeman?' "'Xo; air! No more Hilly In mine; it's Will sweet Will conductor on the through passenger,' and he broke into a musical laugh that nearly rattled the dishes on the lunch counter. "The teara came to my eyes in spite of me, for I was weak, weary and heartsick. He noticed them, and, clasping my hand, said in the sweetest words that ever fell oh mortal cars: " 'Come, come! Shut her oft and oil the valves,' and he led me to a stool at the lunch counter and said: " 'Now, you sit here and fill up. Let a few biscuits hit the chair and you will be all right again. "He stepped into the dispatcher's office to get hia orders, while I poured down coffee that would discount the neetar of the goda, He appeared in about, ten minutes and said: 'AH aboard for Lafayette!" took we by the arm and led me to a coach, and then stepped back to the platform and waved his moss agate at the engineer. I curled up in the seat when the train started to hide the tears that kept welling up in my eyes,and for tho first time in twenty long years I could have cried like a baby. I believe in a special providence since that terrible night and the morning I was heartbroken. And Hill is still pulling n bell-cord in the varnished cars on the old Wabash." A igenthio llcpubllc. Matnrnal Affection of Seal. The effort of the United States nnd England to stop the indiscriminate slaughter of seals in Uehring sea baa led to some interesting discoveries relative to thu habits of the valuable animal. U was shown in the course of the investigation that the breeding places selected by the seals are often fifty miles from their feeding grounds. This fuet led Mr. Illalae to infer that many young seals must perish as a coawqticn.'o of the mother being Wiled "while m quest of their daily fonl. Hut Sir Charles Tupper seemed to excel the distinguished secretary iu the domains t natural history, far he insisted hat the mothers never for an instant ave their little ones during tho suckg period. Sir Charles was right The mother suckles the youngster only twelve days, and eats nothing in the "en h time, except Home bits of seaweed that may come within roach. This fact lately been demonstrated by the commissioners, who killed several fefca,e weals during the stickling time J"J found la their stomachs nothing ""t il little seaweed and some pebble. -Iktroit Free l'reoa.

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HKN we greet the sow yaw's pre. rTjBSmEfi As ear kle for When we walk within ata islace. And It wau aa sweet a hap a. What wouM we asko Time te oleae ua, What from al kamta would we re eelref Hut courage tor the tanks holere ua, And power to o aa we believe ! Let hie royal graee eemssaae aa Ia the save of truth to light; Let hU tHmaer, loatlng u'erua, Kver lead us to the right. Strike dews the alnt that amlte as, Uaalah the bandit la oar way; Like red-eroM height Im bolt te vaaqalaa The SHHuitera Making man their prey la tfaeae clays of toll sea striving, There'a so mueh for hands to Us, Anil for lips that have a message Is the seed that they be true; The aneient word of love In mlnhty, Its living power to save ts sure; And Mere our souls utluine and zealeoa, The day gt victory we'd secure. Let us strive to make men totter, Uolnic something for the rate, Wiplns out some glided error, liringtag back some gentle grace: lly honest word and rtoeri defending; What earnest hearts desire to do; lly bopu and help their plaa perfecting. And ty the old earlch the new! Let us ask of Time correction Of the pns we used but lit; Let us ask to tie our duty. With a braver, truer will: Tli an walking la the new year's portals, Thrilling with soldier lore of fame, We'll give our God our grandest xerviee In iioiy worship of Ills name! William Itruaton, in Good Housekeeping. K all went to (! r a n d m a North's for oar New Year's d i n nt:r. She dined with us on Christmas, and we ah ways spent New When 1 hay all of us Years with her. I mean im and ma and Helen and Alice and myself (Robert), the o jly boy in the family, and I can tell yoa being the only boy, with two older sisters ordering you round, and nagging and making fun of yoa. isn't a delightful position. Pa i grandma's only child, and that's the reason there's so few f us when we come together ata family dinner, To be sure we have other relatives, but they live way up north, and 1 haven't seen half of them and couldn't even tell you half their names. Grandma lives on a farm about two miles from the town of Sbelton. and though she's a very old lady she's as spry and active as if she was young, and manage the farm by herself just as well as grandpa did when he was living. We live so far from Pine Grove that's the name of the farm that we always get tacre a day or two before New Year's. I must say for grandma there isn't any stinting at her table, or winking and frowning at you not to take two helps of this or that, and when she catches ma or the tfirls doing it at me. shu calls out: "For goodness' hake, let Bob eat aa much a he wants to! Where's the sense of stinttug a lay of thirteen in his eating? I like to see young people eat as if they enjoyed their meals, and not mintiug and dallying over their plates. Let the boy alone, Maria," Grandma has a cook, an Irishwoman named Molly McShane, just as jolly antl good-natured as herself. She's lived ten years at Pine (Jrove. and she's as glad to see ns all as grandma is. She's no beanty, Molly isn't, for she's abort and squat, and has no store tigtire than a cotton bale, and her face is broa l and red. and her nose looks aa if It had been mashed flat. She isn't yonng, either, bat for all that she's got a beau named Terancc O'JJrien. A worthless young fellow he is, grandma says, who wants to get at Molly's bag of saving, ami if he can cajole her oat of them without marrying her, he'll do St; but if he can't, he'll make her Mrs. O'llrSen, and get away with the money. lint .Molly keeps a .tight grip on her bag. She antl Ter ence count tho money over every two or three months, but she holds on to every nickel, and lie can't get one of 'cm out of her. Pa tried to persuade her to put her money in a savings bank, but she hootcd at him. "No. sor, I'll be nlver that hilly to pat mo money where I cannot see it when 1 want Hunks break, and if I had all the goold and fil'.vcr and joOls av the wurld, no banks would sec 'cm, and swaller 'em up. Sometimes I dhram av tne money, and then it docs me all the good in the wurltl to open me chiat and see me bag all safe." "Take eare, Molly!" pa said, laaghing. "Since Tarry knows so well where yoa keep your treasure, some bright moraina; yoa will wake up aud and both bag sweetheart gone. Molly got red, and cried out; "Ab do ye main to say, sor, that Icrenoe O'llrien, what comic av the good ottlii shtock-why, the O'llrienscame av the kings av Mwmithcr-that he wohM demane hlmelf tebea dtrtky thafe? Aa, JTSfl"

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"Very well," pawdd. il luxgaimr.

"'" JWH. Molly, I'd Chang my hidiBg.pIaoe now aad the. It woa'i do any harm, She didn't answer, bat went about looking troubled aatil graadma had to heold her for Wiag M aWnt-aiiuled that she putuar hutead of salt in the soap, wxl burned the chickens to a eriap. "What w the matter with yea. Molly?" say graadma. "It's the evil oae that's got into aw. I think, ma'am," .Molly said. "I'm just da4d, ami I feel aa if soaae great trouble was eotnia'," That was at night, and the next morning there was the greatest bulla baloo you ever lieard. Molly's bag of money was gone from her cheat, and she was in hysterica. The strasgeat thing of all was, he always wore the key of the cheat or a string around her neck, and it never caaie off day or night. The key was in its plaee, 'awl the chest locked as usual, but when she opened it the money )ag waagoae. "Who was here last night, Molly?" asked pa. "It was Terry!" she screamed. "It's him? the thafo, that's tfot my money.! We counted it, and he says aa how there was enough to gei married on afther New Year. Have him arrested. Misther North, for the howly Vargin'a sake." "Hut how did he get the keys?" pa asked. "How can I know?" she groaned. "I had awful dhrames all night av walk uV and clirabin', and 1 was that sore this morn in'. He's got my money some way;" and then she began to howl again. Ia went to town, ' sure enough Mr. O'Hricn wasn't to oe found, aud the man where he worked said he had gone off on the north-bound train, but said lie would be back in a day or two. An' where did the dirthy thafe got the money or bis ticket." cries Molly, "whin niver a red cint did bo have in his pocket?" Pa told her he bad put the police on his track, and that quieted her so she managed to cook the dinner, but she cried quarts between times. That was the dav before New Year, and after dinner grandma took us into the pautry to see tht things. Oh, I couldn't begin to tell you what loads of pies nnd cakes and fruits aud candies there were, but we hardly saw anything for looking and wondering at a monstrous turkey that hung from a big hook in the ceiling. It was a mammoth, and grandma said that old as she w-as site had never seen anything like it It was of a big breed, to begin with, and had been fattening in a coop for a, year. "For two months," grandma said, "the urkcy hat, been fed on pecans and walnuts, and just look at the fat! If it isn't delicious, then I'm no judge of a tine turkey." Even Molly got up her spirits over that turkey, and told us how she was going to stuff it with truffles, and such a gravy! After that she had another crying spell, and took herself off to bed. The next morning, after breakfast, she took the keys out of her pocket and started for the. pantry. I went along, but she was ahead. She opened the door and gave a little start and cried out: "Where's the turkey?" Sure enough, there was the hook, but no turkey. Molly looked on the shelves, behind the lwrrcls. and in every nook and cbrner. as if the mice could have moved that monster. Then she says to me, looking- as white as a sheet: "hob, run to the misthrcss and be askin' her if she moved the turkey?" "The turkey!" cries grandma, jumping up. "What does that girl mean? Has she lost her stnses? Where should the turkey be but iu the pantry where she hung it?" "It isn't there, grandma," I said, and then everybody ran to the pantry. Molly was sitting in a chair, looking scared to death, and gasping for breath. "It's gone! ita gone!" she hollered, jumping up and clapping her hands. It's gone like my money! The door was locked, and the key in my pocket. The window is barred, look! They haven't been touched! Howly saints, but it is bewitched the house is!" Well, it was just as she said. Everything was ia its place, the ducks and geese and mutton, ami not a single pie or eaae had been toacaed. The thief. 1 IT'S GONE. IT'S 05!w whoever it was, only hankered for the big turkey. "Hut who could have taken it?" says grandma, looking hard at Molly. "I don't suspect, you, Molly, for you've been with urn for ten years, and I've never missed a pin. Hut did yon have visitors last ntfrht, ami did yoa give them a peep at the turkey?" "Me have visitors." Molly cried. 'and me pore licart broke entirely at losln' me money, and Terry's rascality. No, ma'am, I cried, till the slape came, and thenl dhraiaed av the turkey, 'es I dl,l, and it was alive mad flyin' and I runnin' afther it" Well, it's no use moaning." grandma said. Jjhe's a sensible old lady, knd she never cries over spilt milk. Ve'll go without any dinner if you don't go to work, Molly. I'm sorry about the tarkey, Imt 1 reekoa we sausi make a shift without It '"'

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the sag and anion for the geese trtMmn'r' "Here's the onions, ma'am bat I clean forgot the sage yWtaaaay ytkm J ha went to town fur the things. Hat I remember I have a bag ef sage ia my ehUt, I keep for gargles. I'll ran and get it" We heard her lumbering up the stairs ami around, and then sue gave a aereech which sent us up there in a hurry. There ana was lying Sat on her batik, pounding her hoels oa the floor and howling and laughing like one of the laughing hyenas yoa see ia shows. "It's the turkey! the tarkey!" aae howled, "ia my ehlat wronped ia my silk shawl the grandmother lift use." There it was, sure enough, wrapped neatly in a white silk shawl Molly' oaly piece of finery. Everyone looked at eaeh other, anil grandma lifted Molly's head' and slapped her baek, aad made her drmk some water. When she came to herself she was white aad trembling like a leaf. You couldn't pay her to touch that turkey, for she said the witehea had been moving it, and ma and grandma had to stuff it aad put it to roast Pa said that he was sure that Molly had put the turkey ia the chest, maybe

8HK IMtKW SOMKTH1NO OUT. when sho was asleep. At any rate, we made a splendid dinner, though Molly said she was expecting us to drop down dead, or run raving mad after eating it That's tho way she said bewitched things served the folks in the "ould counthry." Wo sat around the fire late that night talking over things. Just as we were going to bed dim, the hired man, came to the door and said: "I don't know what's the matter with Mollic. She's walkin' about the yard barefoot, and just a nightgown on and it's freezing hard. I spoke to her, and she never turned her head, but just kept on." "Just as I thought," pa said, jumping up, "the woman is a somnambulist a sleep-walker. You must not make a noise, or wake her suddenly." We came upon her at the bars. She pulled oHt one as well as I could do, und got through tho hole, and then moved swiftly toward the henhouse, which was ki the back lot We followed there, and she was fumbling in the moss and straw of an empty nest She drew something oat and the moon was as bright as day, so wc could see it was a white bag. "Her money, I'm sure," whispered pa. She took the bag to another nest, and covered it there carefully, and then marched ut of the henhouse, not seeing us, though we were almost touching her. Site went straight to her room and pa said we must leave the money in the nest and we could tell her and let her get it herself. You ought to have seen her the next morning when we tootc her to the henhouse and showed her her treasure. She hugged the bag and kissed it and cried over it as if it were a lost child; antl then she hollered about her injustice to her darlint, Terry O'llrien, and how she would send for him and marry him that very day. Hut I am glad to say that "Mist her O'llrien" didn't have the speeding of Mollie's earnings. He had been concerned in a burglary and the police were after him, and that ia the reason he had left town ia such a hurry. He never came back and Molly still lives with grandma Marie IS. Williams, in Youth's Companion. AUNT JANE'S STORY. A New Teera Iff Thmt Mtwat a Great Deal te Twe telle. "A good many years have passed since Tom Shaw brought his wife home to the house on the hill; and there is no doubt they have both grown a good deal older and wiser since then. To be sure, as folks find it now-a-days, time does fly fast I remember now the picture in my little primer books of old Father Time with a sickle ia his hand: he seemed to be mowing at a right smart pace, bat la! he looks mighty weak in the legs, and I don't have an idea that he eould get on very fast at the best On tho very next page there's a picture of a very little tree with a bushy top, and a man as big as itself sitting on it, and under the tree there's a bit of rhyme that says: ' 'Zaeeheus he Did climb the tree Hid Lord to see.' "Now I know that if Zaccheua had climbed into that tree he never would have seen anything, for it would have broken down, and that would have been the end of it And so neither that picture nor the other would be good for anything to me." Aunt Jane's voice was hushed, and she knit two or three rounds upon the gray sock that she was making for our Poor society, and then her hands fell in her lap, her chin dropped a little, and the okl lady wan asleep. Abby anil I looked intently at her; hair, that had otiee 1eea as yellow as our own, was of snowy whiteness, and it lay on each skle of a forehead that was full of seams and wrinkle; the eyes that were tight ah at were as blue aa our baby's, and the mouth that was ft little open was almost as small aa his. Hut her eheeka were one mass of pakera, and even under the edge of her whit a4r w tcwkl ate tkein deep aad drawn.

Tie. LUa, ' Afcbf aM to me Ha whisper, "how dreadful it nawt be to be eighty years old; only tklak, 111 a, that is tiuJtt tiaaaa aa old aa I am.' "What of it?" 1 akd. "She doesn't mlad it, and uhm isn't 4gat times older than 1 am." "H'm. All but twa years," Abby ava"Hut I'd have yon to know," I said, frankly, "that two years hi a long time." "No, it k not "y darlings," was Auat Jane's unexpected interrHpttoa, aa the blue eyes popped open,; "It U only a very little time-only that I knew of one year that meant a great deal to two folks." "Tell u about W auatk," we both axelaimod. "Yea, I will. Let's see. I mast have dropped off to sleep while I was telling you about Toaa aad Hot Shaw. Wall, don't let me go again; jest give aaa 1 shake if you see my eyes shut JM ehitable Larkina' was at pretty an a picture; her hair waa ns yellow as spaa gold, and her eyes were as brows ava a ripe hasel nut Her step waa se springy that she hardly see mod to touch tlie ground as she walked, avnd Tom Shaw loved her better than anything in the world. "He built the house up yonder; and they do say that he sang and whistled so many gay tunes as he nailed on the clapboards that he ought to have had a happy wife to put inside of it When it was all finished and furnished, he brought his bride home; and after that, folks used to walk past the hoaee many and many a time, to hear the two singing together." "Hid they never quarrel, Aunt Jane?" Abby asked. My sister's idea of a good time was to have a bit of quarrel sometimes with somebody. "You wait ny darling, until I tell you. It was just after the new year had commenced that they came up on the hill. All summer they seemed as happy as bints, and of an evening they worked in their garden, and for miles around no one had prettier roses, bigger hollyhocks, or yellower tansy tlian Tom and Het Shaw. "Hut with the fall the flowers faded, and the happy couple began to grow solemn; they did not sing so much, and the lamps did not shine so brightly out into the world at night, and, when one of the neighbors happened in, Het had

a very sespietous moisture about the eyes. Hut she never gave, any reason for it and sho was of that sort that nobody dared to ask, mueh aa they would have liked to. Anyhow, her cheeks grew pale, and there were bo more songs to be heard. And so it came along to tho last day of the year. Tom had been out to the woodhouse to get some kindlings for the fire in the morning, and when lie had thrown them behind the stove, he went into the sitting-room, and there waa Het upon her knees by the sofa, sobbing aa if her heart would break. "That sight was too much for Tom. He went over to her, lifted 't from the floor, and sat her upon his ...iee. And then he said: 'My little girl, what is it? I cannot stand this aay longer; you must tell me what the matter Is.' "And she threw both arras about hit neck, and between her sobs she whispered into his car all her troubles; and quick as a flash they were as loving- aa they had been all summer; and the first thing they dkl was to sins; the long metre doxology." "What had been the matter, Aunt Jane?" asked Abby, in an interested voice. And Annt Jano said: "That is the very strangest part of it; from that day to this not one of the neighfeot. could Und out Of course, there lis been some sort of a quarrel, but e know they had made it up. for Joe Hinos was going up the hill, aad he stopped a minute to hear them sing, and under the crack of the curtain he saw them kneeling by the sofa, and TOM WKNT OVBR TO MRM. Tom had his arm around Het's waist and he was praying out aload. And Het after told the neighbors that the next day (that was New Yearday), 'was the happiest day of her life." "How long ago was this, Aunt Jane?" I inquired. And to my astonishment her reply wasi "Let's see; ten twenty forty yes, it must be nigh on to sixty years, and there's been no happier home in all the country than theirs. How time does fly! It all turned out well ia their case, hut don't quarrel, my darlings; you mightn't como out as well. Sixty years! How time does fly, to be sure!" "Hut auntie," I commenced, and Abby gave my arm a jerk as she said: "Hush, Lila; she's gone to sleep, and that's all she knows about it, anyway." We looked at her white hair that shone like silver In the sunlight ml thought what a wonderful thing it arss to know stories that happened &y years ago; and we wondered if our faces would be all seams and paekera If we should live to be as old as Aunt Jane. And aa we ere pi softly out ctf the room we heard Iter murmuring, as ia a dream: "fjlxty years; how time dote Hyl" -Isabel Oleott in Christian at Work. -Th ery Worst I oat, t tee maea la any t4, nut, aa aa hMtttatleu, I kaow Set oae that's halt 1m m4 A Vhe Ma-. reoiiMta.

rHPtaONAL AND LITEftAJIY.

--B,oe aHWmePn IrttHMVrnft JPel!jP pared in hia literary work by his wife's protracted aad painful ills. On her noeewat ho stays at Marly, aad la said to walk fsftt aad aimlessly about tho adjaeent. forest la all kinds of weather. Thai mantel distress completely uaflta him for the use of the pea. The name of Swinburne m almost aa elosoly associated with the Isle of Wight aa that of Tennyson. The poet himself spent mueh of hia jarly life at the Underellff. Nw brother and hia fa ther, Admiral Swinburne, ate buried at Bonchuroh, and several member of his family own property in the island. Gen. PeixotoH, tho new Braailiaa president, ia a soldier-like maa, peat the middle age, of dark or swarthy een plexkm. aad wearing hia gray hair oi oae eut Courteous and pleasing m meaner, he it oourteoM ami nervously polite; and has a good sympathetic voioe. Asa soldier hia record has bees re able rather than brilliant Prinee Max, the third son of Friuee George of Saxony, aephew of the king, recently passed a brilliant examination at the unlveraity of Leipzig, and received the title of LL.D. As usual at German universities, the examination took place ia the presence of various faculties, aay member of whioa waa privileged to ask the young caadldato questions. The Hrownlng society of Boston holds interpretation meetings, m whioh attempts are made to fathom tho depths and pierce the mysteries of tho British poet who is admired by the highly-cul tared children of the Hub, mascaliae and feminine, of varioae eolors and all ages, whether living en Beacon street or at the Baek bay or elsewhere. One odd experience in the life of Sir Edwin Arnold seems not yet te have been brought out in the his visit to New York. To win a wager made by a lady he climbed thirteen thousand feet to the top of Kejt San. in Japan, and wrote on the edge of it crater a picturesque poem of ninetytwo fines. Few poets ever attain to greater heights than this even in imagination. Experts are predicting that tho books of to-day will fall to pieces be fore tho middle of the next oentury. The paper in the books that have survived two or three centuries was made by hand of honest rags and witltoat the use of strong chemicals, while the ink was made of nut galls. To-day much of the paper for looks is made, at least in part, of wood pulp- treated with powerful acids, while the ink is a compound of various substances naturally at war with the flimsy paper upon which it is laid. Maj. William Dickey, known ha Aroostook county as "the duke of Fort Kent," is oae of the most pictHresa.ee figures -among the pioneers and politicians of Maine. He is about eighty years of age, but straight as aa arrow and very active in the cause of the- people of his district whom he' has often ably represented in the legislature. He lives in the barracks which were erected at Fort Kent by the govern merit at the time of the Aroostook- vrar, having purchased the property aae flttedlt up as a homestead;. HUMOROUS. Mabel "So their elopement was n failure, was it?" Sinnkk "Yes they got away, and were married."' Town Topics. Difficult to Answer.. Miss, Frae "Why do you give everybody hi oae n?" Miss Kapidde "Well, what's tho use of keeping?" Demorest's Magaaine. "It was all very well for the poet to talk about 'a pretty woman, nobly planned,'" sakl Mr. Arrears sadly, "bat the trouble is that it takes, saoh a lot of money to carry out the plan." Boston Post A More Important Fuiat Jaofc "Amy, we shall have to elope. Woahl you marry without your parents' eonsent?" Amy "Of coarse I wonkl;bat oh, Jaek, how about the wedding preoent?" Light Oa the Way Homo from Church. Funnyman "The soloist mentioned a strange fact ia natural history thht morning." Mrs. F. "What was that? Funny maH "Why,, she sang a boot 'Fleas like a bird.' 1 never saw oner Winebkklle "1 hear that yon dictated to your new type-writer an impassioned lore letter to another girl. Glldcraleeve 'Yes, H waa to a flctitioua sweetheart I wanton te nip in the butt any designs she might have ha a matrimonial way." Brooklyn Life. Wife "Harry, I never thought yon eould change so. You used to say that you might search tho world over, anal never could find a woman equal to me and now you arc seareely ever at home. Husband "Oh, that's all right, dear; I'm simply making the search now, to prove the correctness of my assertion. Boston Traaeript First American Girl "How mueh did your father offer to pay the duke? Second Ditto- Ten thousand dollaca a year. He said, however, he wasn't looking-for money. What do yoH think of that?" First Dittto-"Think! Why he's no dako. I'll wager a box of eandy that he's nothing but a vllo adventurer. "Harper's Bazar. llrown "Of course it's none of my buatness, bat 1 felt it my duty tie aay that I saw your wife beckoning to a man right m the public street yesterday," Qray "Beckoning to a man? My wife? ltight In the public-street? Brown "Perhaps I ought to soy it wan a horac-car conductor." Dray "Oh, Well, then, it's no eoaaeaaonec. Of course he didn't see her, so there's no ham done." Boston Traasaript. A certain clergyman of Halifax "Nova Scotia, while atldfesaiagWk eon grrcgation on the subject of the Prodigal, Hon, is said to have affected hia heat era even more than he antktipntea when, with tears- m hia eyes and pathos in his voice, he pictured the aged father overjoyed, at the return of hia loHglost boy, command! them ia brlag forth ami kill the litUcealf which had been fattened fax yot eftd. J tola nnd r"rt

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