Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 33, Number 34, Jasper, Dubois County, 8 May 1891 — Page 3

EEKLY COURIER.

C. DOAWX. OPttbiWkwr, ast - - IMDUMA. WHAT I LIKE ,-,kt tb gentl tUnm That eon vtk tMMl" Mr vn hrarlotha frafr ar; bird their seats a Immttef Ofc,tUtlHIe a'.way. i ik the HBnw veUf When twtlUht fall wwesd, ..llver ryo inooalkrtii soltiy th greaad: .! perfume fM wft An4 hoocyiMwhle white out upon th iMlwy sir AU through the d-jwy nltaU lllkr the golden atitumn WbfO gathered are lh nhMTM, Atitouchra with nl and yallew Are lovely maple leavw; a-wa nuta aw strewn e thlkl7 Sto? ath the hlehory Xttma. And wcirreH llle toss Ar yi8 tb I like the snowy winter. When every twig that's (mm jipure nl white awl pearly, And covrd I the ground With fair, untrodden MMftflakM. And frosty iath air YSit send tha white stead lying And scattering every where. Hot what I like the best, dear, 1, you litre by my sMe, AbJ know you think me dearer Than all the world beelde. Ttioagh aprlnga rammers eerne, ear, AbJ fU d winters, teo, II, cow your love will lal. dear, Mil &ii the roars are through. Vta V. Ohlinger, la Old He TAKING A BOARDER. Shrewd Husband's Method of Managta? His Wife. NE day my wife who, by the way, is a capital homemakcr, visited our friend, Mrs. Hopkins. Jow that es timable lad', being enterpris ing and thrifty W to a remarka ble degree. couldn't rest contented with her husband's liberal allow 01 piH UlVIiey, UHV lUUDk HOC'a ion rr. or cum want rani? .a.i !n nn1r In hava a. nrivate income . , -i . 42 1 1 . r"rt tourse sue iiiHiiajjmi w an . t uc n little head full of -the beauties of having1 to depend on a sometimes ' iiii ii iini m va iin w.um. - A. i. I .iU!.l 4 MABAM fcountinr to him of expenditures in 1m (lia.rirfNl with extravagance uled for inrestiajf hw mooey tn "bargains" so tempUnf to a naaouL , i. i ..4 J- kut 4k. aka should tro into the boardor rntaiand make money oa her own hook aeainst It in rain. I showed FVre au littU or mi nrnflt in takarderi; that it woald destroy the aat1 comfort of ear home; that . Ihrnr har to death attempting pls jvople always randy to Rnd and that her present work of is? care of our small family was all Icnas able to accomplish, and often 1 1 told her she would be a slave to EngfrV whims; unable to go out a she wished: forced to rise be an in the cold mornings, and that, br all her trouble and expense in ready for the undertaking, the "y she made if any would actualtome from my pocket, for it would htme more to run the house. 'informed her of other saturnine fe ll who had started to make their tones by toiling for unthankful ricrs, and, after a desperate strugtad ignorainiouKly failed, leaving husbands overwhelmed with and themselves too shattered in 2th and nerves for any sanitarium ere. fet the dear woman had an answer erv objection I raised ami pointed nphantly to Mrs. Hopkins as a fc'Wown argument against me. e said 1 should allow her to de"P business talents which might be 5 useful in case I died; that the ti she made would buy all her f besides getting so many pretty p for the house and so save me of money; that it didn't cost any Wto feed six people than five; that I AJtflUKD AOAIXST IT. Otllll El'ctnm.tl.. 11. ti easier, etc., etc, etc raMie first started the crusade I Kmi mm, i wohki oe van110 matinftinu. o4 W aaiv All mill. 4 tgjons were against the boarder Planted to put myself on record 5J the grand smash eame, I cottld -'"I v 1 veil you so?" awl get the a tnenoc wisdom aad fort-

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I alua watd to aaia tfaaa in hoaas that Komething might turn up to proveat the rak act, 1 even pray ad that taa woHlrful Mra Hopkins woh14 make aa awigataeat, or that her kaagry boartlr would go oa a sirika Wfor we got ours. At the same tima I had Urn maek taatrimoaiai experienoe to oome out Hat footod in opposition to the wild scheme and say decidadly "No!" for "when a woman will, she mU yon may dapaad ou't, awl wlten slM woa't, she wn't and that's the entl on'tM Xo, imld, I knew better how to manage a wife aa the sequel will show. After much cogitation I finally hit oa a plan of action, ami wlten all was ready 1 gave, to my wife's delight, a willing consent to try one boarder at first, making the provision, however, that no extra bills should be incurred ia the stores and that the regular household allowance, with the hoard money added, only was to be used. The look of joy and the kiss I got for heing so good (?) almost made me sorry I had not consented before, though the oheerf illness ami ardor my dear, little, unsuspecting wife displayed in preparing for the boarder made me feel mean when I thought of the deception I waa about to play on her. I had been to see an old college claim qf mine who was a merry bachelor and right properly named Jack ijtttftr. In college he had been famous for slutting not his head but hh stomach and his reputation in that line had increased a hundredfold since. He was always hungry. A whole turkey to him was no more than a quail on toast to ordinary mortals. He had often caten on wagers at the club and easily beaten, with two men against him. And his appetite was ever to bo depended ou, ao matter what was set before him. "Jack," I said. "I want you to help me. My wile is filled with the idea of taking boarders and making money out of 'cm. I'm down on the arrangement, but I daren't oppose anv longer. She don't know you. Now, you come and spend a week at my house pretend you're a boarder, you know and just clean the table at every meal; show her there s no money in the business, and and I'll ever be grateful. The cooking, especially her plea, I guarantee to be A No. 1." On the next Monday morning Jack's three trunks, two of them filled with bricks, came, and in the afternoon I introduced Mr. Stuffer as our new boarder, and we went into dinner. If the minister had been there the table couldn't have held more, neither 1 JACK CI.KAXED OFF THK TABLK. could my rosy cheeked, smiling wife have been more gracious. Jack was beaming, and in spite of his huge size looked handsome as he entertained our little tot, Daisy, who sat opposite him at the tabic. As for me I had to bite my lips in order to keep on a straight face for I knew Mr. Stuffer had purposely gone without his noon-day luneh to do justice to the occasion. AVe had roast turkey, and I did the carving. Jack nad finished a second liberal plateful when I saw him quietly unloosen his vest. He had already emptied the bread plate, eaten half the butter and sugar, besides playing havoc with the vegetables, etc. He was be ginning to attract ray still radiant wife's attention, likewise Miss Daisy, who, I was afraid, would embarrass her mother by speaking the wondct that iier big eyes showed at the grand to before her. ng a sly wink at me and with a nnocent, matter of fact manner. itfTer passed his plate for a third ' of turkey which I cut so as to leave! nothing but its skeleton, while my poor wife handed over the balance of the vegetables and things at her end. The feat was accomplished. Jack had Reared off the tabic. Th one theti ting expe: whciemil biesenl dinner would merely a "lunch," kept on. My wife, growing nervous, in spite of her efforts to see nothing unusual, gave me despairing glances which I, of course, failed to oatch, and finally, when the larder was exhausted, Mr. Stuffer laid down his knife and fork. and, after asking what time we had breakfast, withdrew with me to the smoking-room where, when the door was shut, we laughed wickedly at the apparent success of our plot It turned out as 1 expected. Before the week was half gone my wife came to ate with tears in her sweet eyes and said the weekly allowance was used up ami I must let tlie boarder go, for she plainly saw there was no profit in the business. After frightening her by saying we had engaged the boarder for a year atid would have to feed him if it took our last cent and mortgaged the louse, I offered to see what 1 could da Jack left at the end of his week, and no Mrs. Hopkins can ever again persuade in' wise little helpmate to bankrupt herself and me with boarders un less some one who don't understand tha difficulty of properly managing a wife sees fit to "give me away."--II. C Dodge, in GoodaU's Sua.

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THE "LOYAL" PARTY. A StotaOMff Cwnniaruim for Mm CmmMme'4'ee1 flPeT e$MJ YeMftt KveaU so preM upon on another ia American polities that com parhUMis, obvktaaly ju4. otten fail to be effectual d heaue the people are so engrossed with the affairs of the hoar. No eiti-

wa who recalls the eourse of the m jority of the republican journals and rfpubitean partisan advocates during the iMtekvilie West incident ean discov er ir. that, either true Amerieauhiaa or steeare pairiousm. a oemoerat was preshleaL A democrat was secretary of atate. A republican intrigue w; set on foot to bring about a compilestioa with a foreign government for the express purpose of embarrassing the government of the United States. The republican trickster in the far west who wrote the leeoy letter to the Itritkh minister did it with malign motive. He threw away all the instincts of an American, discarded the oblige tiona of patriotism and betrayed his country, Murehison played hU concealed card deliberately, willfully, basely, for the direct and designed end of involving' us as a nation with P.ngland ami compel! ing the national American executive to reort to severe steps for the vindica tion of national honor. Muruhison's motive was as ignoble as Mr. Cleve land's dilemma was diMicult. If the president did not demand the recall of the British minister for inter fering in American politics he would have incurred tint censure of a great mass of the American people without reference to party. This was the olject of the republican traitor for trai tor is any American who will wanton ly embroil his country with a foreign government. The traitor's purpose was to arouse prejudice against Mr. Cleve land, then running for a second term, and increase the vote against him cer tain to be incensed by Sackville West's course. Did the republican press denounce Murchison? Did notable republican spokesmen declare such tactics unwor thy an American citizen? Did any convention of the party declare that vic tory won at the expense of national honor was too dearly Imught? Contrast their lallure to do this with the cour ageous, frank, disinterested conduct of the democratic press and democratic politicians toward President Harrison and Secretary lilainc throughout the diftieulty with Italy. Whieh is the "loy al" party, the national party, the true American party? While in the state department Mr. Uayard was required te take up the subject of Hehring sea. He laid down the principles whieh Mr. Maine has fallowed. While the controversy pro-" cccded under the guidance 01 Mr. Day ard did the republican press uphold national rights and support him in his definition of them? On the contrary. every proposal submitted by mm was interpreted by them to mean a sulistan tial surrender of our property and bar ter of our rights to British sagacity or even Ilntish gohL 1 he democratic diplomat proceeded with caution, eourtesy and firmness, but he had to win his point without encouragement or congratulations from the repabUeaa press or party. Ceatamet this coatomptibie ttttloeioss with the pcaottoal. aaaaaaiity wiik whieh the damoeratie partf and press stand by Mr. Maine ia toe eontinuatioa of the eoarse initiated by Mr. liayard. Which is the true national party? Which k the "loyal" party? To which in the future, whether for maintenance of true economic principles at home or of the national dignity ami constitutional principles in all our transactions at home and abroad, should the American people turn with confidence? Chicago Herald. BENNY'S BIG PUPIL. TrseMe Brewing In the KrpubUeaH Sefceelfa A (Me We have s read of the young lady who married a troublesome suitor in order to get rid of him. President Harrison is reported as having recently said that he appointed Illaine to his cabinet because he thought he could manage him better there than anywhere else. He wedded him to the administratiou in order to get rid of him. But it i'i always harder to manage a man after marriage than before, and Harrison is finding Illaine a much harder problem to handle than he would have leen if be hail been left outshle. A silver on a board is much more easily dealt with than in a boy's toe; ami a cinder in the air is much more comfortable than in a mac's eye. Hut Harrison has voluntarily stuck this sliver in his own flesh so that he may know where it ia; of his own free will lie has tucked away this cinder in hUown eye, in order that he may keep it in safety. He is welcome to the comforting consciousness that the cinder is in his d scrapes over his retina in that the sliver is in his toe and escape. Lhc New Hampshire country school districts there frequently used to be two applicants for the position of school-teacher. And it frequently happened that the unsuccessful candidate would turn pupil and attend, as a scholar, the school of his successful rival. The case of Illaine and Harrison is inalagona to the case of the rival school applicants. The president and his cabinet are coming more and more to be like a teacher with his scholars. In 1S3S both Illaine and Harrison were candidates for the teacher's position, and although Illaine was considered about the cutest and smartest applieant who had ever presented himself, and Harrison waa practically unknown to the national school committee, yet Harrison waa chosen ami Blaine was set anlde. Sinee then Illaine has become the biggest pupil in pedagogue Harrison's school, ami naturally there have been lively times in the school-room. Of course the big pupil knows that he is better fitted to teaeh the school than the teacher, and the teacher known that he knowa it, and the school committee know it, ami so does the whole district Frequently when the teaeher h engaged in workingoutsome difacult "sum" ea the national Weekboard, he faaeies he hears his biggest pupil nakperlag to the other seholars:

"lie's doin,? that wrong, lie eau't do R, but I ean." He faaeies the big pupil ia watching for all the alipa lie makes ia his grammar and for all his mispronunciations. ie imagines his big pupil seamt every line of his writing for misspelled word, for uncroesed t's and andotted 1'k. Whenever the teacher hesitates at any troublesome question whieh may lie propounded to him, ha

thinks he hears, while he scratches hU own head in uncertain dubiUtion, tha big pupil whispering triumphantly: "I know, I know." The teaeher is very jealous of his big pupil, but he tries to maintain his authority over him by excessive discipline. He makes him toe the track in the floor, go to his seat on a chalk line, sit up straight ami fold his arms. For the slightest infraction of discipline he makes the pupil sit on a very peaked stk-k. He frequently sends the biggest pupil out to cut a switch with which to punish himself. Recently, when Mr. Tupper ami a few other visitors from a neighboringdistriet ealled at the school, right before all the other pupils and the company he made his big pupil go and sit on the dunee stooL The big pupil sat on the stool like a little man, but some of the smaller pupils iieard him mutter great horrid "swear words" under his breath. , The whole soliool ia waiting for the big pupil to get mad. Some day when the teacher sends him out for a'switch to whip himself with, it is confidently expected that he will return with a big club and thrash the teacher. Hostoc Globe, POINTS AND OPINIONS. "Republicanism and the cause ot honest elections go hand in hand," says a New York contemporary, which needs to refresh its memory by a careful reperusal of the Dudley letter. St Louis Kepublic. Ilenjamin Harrison, who is swinging around the circle in pursuit of a renoniination to the presidency, will probably find it upon his return just where he left it in. the inside pocket of Hon. James 0. Illaine. Chicago Times. The misfortune of Mr. Edmunds' retirement from the senate is made peculiarly sad by the fact that it places Mr. Hoar first in the line of succession to the chairmanship of the judiciary committee of that body. St Louis Giobe-Democrat (rep.). "Shall the republican party disband, or shall it go to the country?" asks one of our leading republican exchanges. Hy all means let it do both. It's usefulness Is over, ami, perhaps, breathing pure country air would invigorate the best of its members enough to make them democrats. Louisville Couri er J on rnaL The republicans will not dare de fend the McKinley bill in the next pres idential campaign. They will play the same old game of promising to correct their mistakes, but they will find that there was a great deal of wisdom in President Lincoln's observation: "You can fool all of the people som-viirus and you can fool some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time." Chicago Globe. Republicans fneaaboat a ia Whteonetm. Under the oM rapabHeaa Kiu j aaalM the mate thing waa to divide up the state by drawing boaadary lines north aad south so aa to leave the, Mg democratic vote of the lake counties in two narrow districts. The, democratic plan is to draw the lines east ami west so aa to distribute this vote in a larger number of districts, as it should be. It all depends on which side up the map is when the ruler is laid across it St Louis Ilepublie. Senator Quay is going to Kurope ami editors are guessing the purpose of his trip. It must be remembered that Quay was made over anew in Florida, and the chances are that he is going abroad to test his new vocal organ far from the hearing of his countrymen before giving a public exhibition at home. Politicians of Quay's prominence are always expected to "sound keynotes" and to "give forth no uncertain sound," and one ean readily imagine how embarrassing ii would be, not to say la mentable, if upon the first attempt to arouse his countrymen the new organ of. the distinguished republican leader should squeak like the apparatus of a toy lion. Chicago Times. A renublican orran made in dignant by the statement that Ren Harrison s trip is a junket provided by railroad corporations declares "that Mr. Harrison refused to accept a free trip across the country, and is paying for it like a man." It is stated that the expensesof the journey foot up a round SlSTi.000, of which great sum the presi dent with his teeth firmly set together lias insisted upon paying the price of a first-class passage by ordinary conveyance from Washington to San Francisco and back. The more one thinks of the deacon's backbone the more one is convinced that that grand old man wouldn't accept a favor from a railroad corporation any more quickly than he would accept a seaside cottage from a real estate "combine." Chicago News. Mnw They IHvlderf. "Where did all that billion dollars go?" is a common question regarding the appropriations of the billion-dollar congress. A good deal of it went in appropria tions to promote the reelection of the republican leaders of congress. The New 1 ork orld drags a few of these little grabs to light Mr. Cannon obtained $100,900 for a post office in hki own little town of Danville. Mr. Quay got $69,000 for a building is his village of Heaver Falls. Senator Ingalls secured 1100,00 of the plunder for Atchison. The California members of the appropriation committees obtained $700,000 for their state. Wisconsin's share was WO,000. Mr. McKinley secured $100,900 for hie town of Canton. These little sums will not account for a billion dollars by a good deal, but they are enough to show that the spirit of grab was rampant and that the republican statesmen were in it for all they could get Luckily it will he frontlet ywirs before they have another ehanee to 1oet the treasury. o ten Glebe.

FASHION LETTER.

ISeeata! Xt Yerk Oerreaeeaeaaea.1 Ataoag the beautiful thing exhibited for the spring and summer are a choice aad elegant variety of silk finished French unwhatires, very fine soft KaglUh aergea, camel's hair goods in beau tiful neutral dyes, aad Corduroy clothe and Henriettas, every tint of which is attractive. Some of these materials are handsomely bordered, faint "art" colors being deftly interwoven with rohi. silver aad aale brown. Om da. sign shows alternate stripes of India ash mere aad corded silk, the stripe embossed ia shades of russet violet and light gold. Another design in eaaael's hair and rich Muscovite silk has on the creamy stripe small bouquets of shaded pink rosea aad faint green foliage. The laee-striped batistes are daintily figured with clusters of violets, rosebuds, pinks and daisies. Gowns of thfae materials are made very plainly, with full skirts, seam) 'Uts and bishop sleeves, with eollar aad tu r n-b ac k cuffs of fine Swiss e mb r 9 i d e ry. Crepe tie chint, plain, brocaded, or embroidered ia all colors, and largely in . gray and c r eara-white grounds, will be a favorite textile .for elegant sumin er toilets; English crape ia rare pale tints shares in this favor. .Very fine gold braids will be much used for rich toilets of all tones and hues, and to them will be added ornaments which impart a touch of Oriental richness to the costume, namely, bands and buckles, straps and gimps, containing mock gems which will be placed at the belt and throat, clasping the fronts of the bodice aad holding light skirt draperies ia place. The silk warp clairettes and real French challies for demi-dress the com ing season are very lovely both in tint and texture, and the beautiful ribbon trimmings used upon them lend addi tional charm. Modistes are completing to order rich lace dresses both in black and white that are made up without lining, thus enabling the wearers to vary the color of the silk slips to be worn SHMaMBBlAsme T Sa 9 work reaaites eWMfcfcsaWBBilJ fore the dreesmaker asks more for making the simple lace dress than she does for one having a ilk foundation seamed in with tin? lace. Chine silk waists to wear with skirts of various kinds, are made with, "coat skirts" which are applied to the edge of a round waist under a belt with ribbon streamers. Twelve-inch lace fiouncings are also finely plaited or scantily gathered, and used in like manner. Imported dresses of fancy zephyr ging ham batiste and flowered muslin are made with elaborate bodices and simple skirts, fashioned like those of silk or fine wool. These are very dressy, and, are not intended to be laundried, aa they have whaleboned linings, and are mounted on light silk foundations of surah or taffetas. Some of these have very full sleeves and yoke of corded silk. Many of the pretty percales, ginghams and organd ies are made with French bodices without darts, and shirred or plaited at the waist over a closely-fitted wals t lining. Three flounces appear upon some" of the skirts added to these waists. Foulard and India silks are simply made with bodice aad sheath skirt with frills of silk at the skirt-hem, and a touch of rich lace oa the waist aad sleeves French designers are making the prettiest of lace-trimmed capes, berthas aad Marie Antoinette fichus, .0 be worn ea mite with the moet charming of Gretchen, Amy Robsart and Maud Muller round hats, and the daintiest of flowered silk muslin or sheer wool toilets. The hgnt Louis coats and these pretty toy capes will be the fashionable wear all summer. The long ends af tha Maris eaaes Us at the back. 0. D. F. ACTRESSES OF ABILITY. Mus. Jaxm Buowk Pottkk h the Youngest Cleopatra on the stage; Mine. Bernhardt, who is forty-six, is the oldest Miss Jtn.tA MAHtows is said to have the most wonderful faculty of memorizing' of any woman on the stage and she finds that this faculty has been intensified by her recent illness. Faxnt DavkxtoRt has a charming timmer home at "Hillside," In an old houso that lies at the foot of the mountains in Pennsylvania. The house is a model of tlomeetle comfort, aad is surrsaautJ by trees nearly a seatury sU.

PERSONAL AND UTCRAIIY.

years old last December. He has writing sines be was seven Uea, ssm! ia a hard worker, frequently aattkeg ha fourteen hoars at his desk. At sack times he lives a life of seclusion, sasiaff ao oas but his most iatlmate friends. Kdward Kverett Hale, who is lecturing oa the Pacific slope, told a reporter who asked for his photograph that "There was one published ia a wallknown magaxine a few years ago; that is, it was supposed to he a pie tare af me. My friends ealled it the Vailed Prophet of Khoraesan." Austin Rally, a rich farmer, residing near Humbolt, Teas., asserts that he spent only twenty-five cents in three years, when he began to get a "start in tlte world, sad that fifteen cents of that was spent for a pocket comb. Mr. Daily is now estimated to be worth at least a hundred thousand dollars. The Queen of Italy is extremely fond of lectures, and was recently muck interested in a lecture on the singular subject of "Reformation of the Italian Alphabet" by Sig. Frisoni, aad also Herr Halbig's lecture on "Etrurian Art and Civilization." The queen shook tlte learned German professor by tha hand, and expressed her great delight at the lecture. Despite their subjugation to British rnle the Princes of India are still able to indulge in royal whims and extravagances. One of them recently had made a bed at Paris worth twnty-five thou send dollars. Its canopy is supported by four automatic female figures that wave fans to cool the air. Tha mattress is a huge musical box, which, when oae lies upon it plays operatic airs. A Russian writer who is now in New York says that American books are better known in Russia than Russian books in America. He says that the works of the American poet Longfellow, which resemble those of the Russian poet Jookovsky, have been translated into Raesian by Michlalovsky, Veinberg and Minaeff, and that other American poets are known through translations. Arabt Pasha and his associate exiles in Ceylon have prayed the British government to be restored to Egypt on tlie ground that the Singalese climate is prejudicial to their health. Thekhedive, who was consulted by England, said that their presence in Egypt would be too dangcroas for him to consent Next me meuicat ooant appointed iv the for eign office reported that the exiles ware perfectly well eff where they were. The tremendous variation in prices for valuable books is illustrated by the figures for the Valdarfcr "Boccaccio." In 1812 the only perfect copy in exist ence was sold at the disbursal of the duke of Roxburghe's library for two thousand two hundred and sixty pounds. A Roxburgh club waa formed in honor of the sale. A copy with five leaves missing was sold recently for two hundred and thirty pounds. Mrs. Elisabeth Custer, widow af Gee. Castor, k a hm-working Mtorary warn. She has lately gone to Aatoatle Ctty, in eeaar to read kirwflftlsMr a aeries af "LWe oa tha Plsuse" which Sim will deliver before women's dubs aad school boys and girls, who are generally her devoted admirers aad fast friends. Her "Boots and Saddle" and "Following the Guidon" have never lost their first popularity. HUMOROUS. The crushed strawberry color that eras so fashionable for a time has been succeeded by a shade called spilled molasses. Texas Sittings. First Farmer "I suppose yon heard about the cyclone over here?" Second Farmer "Yes, we got wind of it" Washington Post Lender "Say, why is it that you de not live up to your promises?" Lender "Why, if I lived up to my promises, I would live beyond my salary." Light Probably Satisfactory. Sharpsoa "Phlatz, what makes your nose sa red?" Phlatz "It glows with pride because it never pokes itself Into other people's business." "Papa, what does fee simple mean?" asked the lawyer's boy. "Itmeana taking a fee of five dollars for aa opinion when you can just as well get twenty -fi ve dollars for It" West Shore. Force of Habit "And how many years is it since Rome was founded?"' "Two thousand six hundred and fortyfour years." Grandmother (sitting by) "Goodness, how quickly time does go." Fliegende Blatter. Fancy Farmer "Well, Patrick, I hear that you had a little encounter with my new Devonshire bull thisenorning." Patrick "Yis,yer honor." Fancy Farmer "Well, which came out ahead?" Patrick "Shure, your honor, it waa a toss up." Boston Courier. Faithful to Instructions. In tlie Zoo logical garden a stranger looking down into the bear-pit loses his hold ami falle over. Policeman (hurrying up and seeing the bear about to seise him) "Sk, don't you know that it is forbidden to feed tlie animals?" Fliegende Blatter. A Joy-Provoking Exit. Mr. Brown "There was one passage in Mr. Longwind's discourse this morning which pleased me very much." Mrs. B. "Ami which one was that dear?" Mr. B. "Why the passage from the pulpit to the vestry, of course." Brooklyn Eagle. "Mr. Boldarm's attentions to my daughter is no light affair," tartly replied the hostess to the caller who had jestingly mentioned the matter. "I am sure not." was the Insinuating reply. "I do not think your gas bills will be greatly in creased by his calls." Spirit Halley "I hear that you havs bought a three thousand dollar house.' Friteh "Yes; but I gave a secured note payable in a year." "Won't that hustle you?" "Certainly. I hardly know how to meet it; but you see, Mies DeLay promised to marry me in one year, and I wanted something to hurry us las tlme."-Llght