Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 29, Number 47, Jasper, Dubois County, 19 August 1887 — Page 7

WEEKLY CpUKIER. O. DOAXK, Put i)Mr.

JA'P'R. l.'.'itUKA pftOPOOMl AND ANSWER. K. lees, year mm wlk was awee. I Elsies wye If teyeulw Mm; I sett ye fr nur brMt, KyuMaBtyMi-lMa4M awte, mt'r to muses, wbste'er hi test, Ws we see always mm;' If fm MM M My tn rtfct Iim4, Tm-m Ml tM UriH MM, AaafwrttiMtyMJMM trvst IK hn Tnea, Ssrueg, M wife. kmw bMU bssw nwsMstvc, lr T svry Wlofe MT mine, Lum mmm swmH tody UMt , MH Mly . MM MBS, 0, tatriM. ttoM, to trwt my hMrt, Fmm m to be My wtl; (Mrs nta yor mmmL, MMt walk wH me TUMid- all Uwwtyi ( life." (MM4t 44m( emVjr jMMl a" ijj tneSfe Yee fcw my gvarrf mm miM; AMI If U wi mi 'r m rough, WVM ettato It M by sMe. Am! It Mm wy mi MMOth mmI Mr, smK mnm ftvtt4 JoeAMfroj woBaiflj Why, Uh, leve brlchUM avary fata, AJM SMMm MVMtMM. Fr mjr bMMt Mly mmU for y, It mmn ail jour oUtae; It frJy UkM wba yon mm iflre Year kr, yMr kw4, jwix hm It 4mm Mt Imw, but trusts in ye TfceMtfii alt tbe ways of Jtfe; U yM MM Mi Mr hMftbMM ttlM, I mm be ywr true wife." MY BABIES. of a Huabead. aad Father. There was a time when I looked upon the author of "Helen's BWm" m a confound no, a coHSHmniHte falsifier. My wif says that nothing but the purest and most refined language should be used in the presence of children, and that tbey are never too young to li impressed Vfr the sounds around tkoai; consuquently all well, I'll call tWew forcible xpreaioB, bate ben avoided since tbe advent of AIons, our Jdet hoy; and since the arrival of Delmont the moet ulul and Nttbetic-looklng man that walks the streets of G siwwerg to the name of "Pa," not only at our house, but on the street, from back yards and alleys, front anywhere and everywhere. Now, as I was sayinsr, instead of looking upon the author as a man who manufactured all of those yarn, I'm prepared to say the half was never told, or else those youngsters were too saint-like to live to Stan's estate. Why, only last week, from tHe Wilder end ef a street-car, I heard shoute f "JPapa!" "rapn!" and caught a ; of some little ragamuffins who looked like, I couldn't tell exactly whom, but I grinned with delight when I thought they ar some other fellow's boys getting a free nde. and he, poor fellow, will soon be chasing around after police officer?, and their whole neighborhood will be in aa uproar till the "little dears" are found. As the car pawed me rather ra pklly, I did not give them a second glance, but soon found myself at the bank where I have the honor of being cashier. An hour later, when deep in conversation with the president and several of the directors, with a "Bg pardon for interruption, bat you are wanted immediately," I saw a big brawny policeman before me, who aid: "John Smith?" My brain reeled, my knees shook, and1 in the second that intervened before the entire fystem collnpeed, like a drowning man I reviewed my whole past life. Had I, in a moment of aberration of mind or somnambulism, robbed the bank? Concluding that I had, I was jast off, when "I'll And pa myself, Del." and "Shut up, Alph," bheuted in the next room, acted as a teeie, and once more Wood flowed through my veins, and my heart attended te its legitimate business. The door opened, and the smiles of the company did not add to my compUeenay as I looked upon tbe boys, ho, after washing their faces ia molasses, had covered the lower part with pine needles (my wife intended to use mem for stuSng a "head rest"), and d "whiskers just like papa's," they Md, and after accidentally killing one ( the bantams I bought the day befen, they had pulled ot the feathers d ornamented their heads. When the policeman "took them in" tVy told him they "were goJng to the hk to see papa," and he, like a wise "a at least he thought himself one "eondnded to accompany them and ve Uw distress of tbe family, if their beeaaw known." I fare the man Are dollars, and told " I would don We Rifhe weald take (ft" m their mother immediately. That Mile job off my hand, I went hk to business, to be slightly aayed, however, by the ecstatic exKwstan that bad overspread Use fees af Brawn, tbe tetter, who, Fan sure, narsr smite ferfivsa m far wiaJntte. Tbe mere I thought, the more ratbjr I grew, and I decided that both toy should be iegged-severely MSfsd notwithstanding I bad acute teltetioM of my ewa childhood, bad thought it possibM te greatly fMpravt upea Soiomoa's sad say fatW's method. We had tried lore tftreagb thick and thin, tbeagb when ty were trying to ptek out little yWwriae'i eyes my wife dM shake b emd wbea Alpb Mnmed erar tbe ip leddw to get Dm ef tbe Ikrtmhntd fcwMfbhm.

I waat to y Uttle fellows at Urn door aad bald up tbak and rosy laoes lerakba, I hadn't tbe beart to disturb the ua usual seraaity, aad tlsaagbt it best to ovedook tbeir Htiie (?) pranks that time. "Please, papa, will yiw forgive us?" eaeb little bey bad said, aad Weil, perhaps you aaa understand how it eaded. Alfdtonse is Ave years aid aad Deimeat thrse aad a half, aad the other day say wife said it was quite time they were in Sunday-school. It was almost tea muck to risk them ia a elsss with other children, so she deekled to experiment by taking them to okurok herself. I suggested "head soke," but when she looked at me so reproachfully, and remarked: "As tha twig is beat," etc and I knew what she thought of my indisposition, I eon el tided to do my duty by my family, let mortification aad every thing elsa stand in the way. Our pastor overtook us, and being very fond of children, he addressed many of his remarks to our young hopefuls. In fear aad trembling I listened. All went well till my wife asked Alph to tell the minister tbe name of thn hymn they sang each night after their little prayer, and be told him it was "Susan, sweep the kitehaa out" My wife now says she will not allow Mary to sing as she goes about her work, and has another argument ia favor of early training. Kvcry thing ia church was so new and strange, they sat almost motionless and in open-eyed wonder during the first part of the service, and I was congratulating myself upon finding one place where I could rest, when they slipped from the seat to some hassocks, and Julia whispered: "The little angels are so tired." Dr. B was trying to elucidate a scientific plokdem, aad I was wondering how many of the congregation were asleep, when a familiar odor reached my nostrils. I glanced at my wife, and I saw that my sense of smell bad not deceived me, and with a mother's intuition she had discovered the culprits. Those little wretehee had cigars, and Alphoase had evidently lighted one and taken a whiff, while Del was chewing the other. I ll not attempt to tell you how we got the nauseated children home, or how hard I tried to convince my wife that I hsuu't smoked sinoa I count not say how long, and that those matches and cigars that Alph had purloined from my overcoat that was lying on the pew seat must have been put there by some other fellow. 1 soon tett that it was useless to talk, for even if I could have proved it she would have deduced from the occurrence an argument in favor of heredity just the same, for I could not deny that I Aad been somewhat addict ed to the use of the delectable weed. Monday I went, about mv business. feelinr sure the limp-lookinsr and white-faced boys wouldn't get far from home that day, and was somewhat sur prised to hear my wife's distracted call: it you, John?" awl answered, rather impatiently: "Yes, it's John," and felt a little inclined to curse the telephone inventor, when she said: "Have yea sesn the boys?" "No; and I don't want te," was my savage answer. An hour later there was another call. and somebody said: "Smith, tbe babv is lest, and yonrwife is nearly frantic." Those boys of mine had rompletely demolished mv "wheel" some weeks before, and I had not replaced it; but Jameson, a clerk who is about my build, kindly let me his, aad 1 rolled away like a bov on a race-course. Doors wide open; not a person about the premises; even the dog missing. A ringing of tha telephone bell was a momentary relief, but when I listened to the voice of the city marshal, and learned that several of the police force were scouring the city for my children, ami my wife was in convulsions at tbe "station," where she went thinking that some one luust have found and reported her babies, I tsre my hair or rather I tore through the street at a John Gilpin gait. (With such grave resH)Usibiiities upon me I must ad here to the strict truth; hyperbole, even metaphor, shall be strictly avoided.) Poor Julia! Mary had taken the baby out for an airing, and leaving her for one moutsnt to speak to a friea I, returned immediately, she says, to find neither baby nor carriage. Tha girl came home nearly wild, and my wife was quite so; she had just missed the bays, and telephoned to me, "to get my cruel answer." The whole neighborhood was aroused ia vain, and than my wife berself went to the police station, Mary accompanying her and assuring bar that "ivery day the place was full of children who got thimsilves lost." Tbe disappointment ass too much, and she swooned. We telegraphed and we telephoned here, there, aad everywhere where was the least passible chance of hearing from them. Some one ssM there was a gypsy camp just outside tbe city, aad nothing would pacify my wife cave to send a posse of policemen there to find her "little K at hie whom they had stolea." Suddenly it thundered aad lightened, rain fall ia torrents, aad tbe little ebiklrsa were where? oh, where? It would be impossible for one who has act bad tbe experhmee to conceive of Misery caused by these little cam pa. Dreached to the skin as I was. my wife, who bad recovered consciousness, threw herself into my arms aad cried: "John! ah, John! oar babes are dead," and a deafen mg, crashing roar, that followed a Ansa ef Mgkt that nearly bHftded me, drewaed tbe rest ef her plaintive ery, aad tbe next moment I kadi m aaMjUmal mum tttV BMWHM Jta MLjasI na BBVMs Be BfffHtVi NPffV fBl W 1 VmTVWffVffVl rmran aa

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fevvee, etrsae taut predominated at sight el menad ft ksewieaae ef the UtHbm juugmeac aaa my mmuh persuasive powers mmbieed induced her to remain where she was till the , severe bat short shower was over aad - a carriage could be brought to take bet where, 1 assured her. I would certainly bring tbe eelWree ia a very 1 Mart tiuec. Til not attempt te toll hew we car rived tbe horrors ef the aaxt few hours. The aftoraoon did pass, but 1 looked i a the glass the next morning, surprised to see my hair as black as a crow's wing, aad gsaed upon my famuy, sua wi oaecred if it were all s hideous nightmare. At about eight o'clock in tbe evening I returned to tbe bouse, as I had at intervals, just as a team dashed to the door, aad cries of "Papal" "Paper' reached my ears. I clasped tbe two boys to my heart, and for a moment forgot all else. The familiar cry had reached my wife, and all four of as were in a seemingly inextricable heap. Suddenly she cried: "My Kathiel my baby! Where's my baby?" "You haven't lost a baby, too," exclaimed the gentleman who had returned the boys. "Oh, we gave her away, but p'r'api you can buy her back," said Alphonse. By the time we comprehended the whole story, I'm afraid I felt a little sseaus tew stwn rs vmnn r nueu mxnjt when a school-boy, I told many times -"ready to break every bone in his like tha Irish woman whose story, lCMv if ! It seems that after climbing over the pickets, which had been strictly forJ liiililaH tkr wand thraucb tlu 1ulyV street for quite a distance, coming out just in time to see Mary leave Kathie. and catching up tbe carriage pole, ran awayaa fast as they could. "We were going for candy," they said, "but couldn't find the place." After they went "miles," Alph told us, they got on "where the trunks go, when the man didn't see, and had a great long rMe." As near as we could ascertain, the? pushed the baby-carriage about for some time and then stole a six-mile ride oa the back of a hack. It commenced to rain just as the driver drew up at the residence of tbe gentleman who returned them. As he assisted a ladv to alight, they got down u ii no .. . " , . . i ticed, but were soon discovered by the, isily of the house and cared for till her husband arrived and immediately took the culprits home.' Question after question in regard to bnby elicited only one answer: "We gave her to big glrL" Suddenly there was a peal of the door-bell, and Mary, choking and sobbing, seised Kathie from the arms of a kind-heart ed, moth erly woman, who on her return from a l hard day's work found the child with her twelve-years-old girl, who said she was at the door, when two little boys appeared, saying: "We'll give you the bnby." They "left her and ran away," so sh "just took care of her till mother came." "Poor little dear!" tbe woman said; ."I knew somebody was getting broken-hearted, and T hurried out for an evening paper, and found out where see beleaged, aad brought her home, ma'am, immediately." In tbe mkht of tears and embraces Alph said: "Here's your handsniff.' mamma, " taking a handkerchief from a bag be had oa his arm. "Where did you get that?" asked some one. "We took it to nut our nennies in; but, papa, I 'eluded to spend mine, only some old yellow ones we found in mamma's bag," was the answer. "What!" I exelaimed, remembering that I gave my wife five twenty-dollar gold pieces that morning. . "We didn't eat no red candy nor nofifn', only got drink of water, 'cause we were very flrsty, and course we paid the big boy," said oae." "We just gave him the old yellow cents, aad kept our nice new nickels," said the other. Thank Heaven! we are all alive. though the "congestive chill" that I .sH sl A.;aAU..e seised my wife, after tbe excitement was partially over, was almost more than she could survive, and for a time we was crossing the "river of death"; but now she is once more managing her household, or at least her husband, and I bear her dear voice calling: "John! John! where are you? it is two o'clock." nrpsr's .Baser. New Method ef Testing MWu A new test for water that is, well water ia milk has recently been proposed by Herr Ssilasi. This depends oa the fact that sulphate of dipheny lamine is colored bine by tbe action ef an exeaediagly dilute sohitiou of a nitrate. As well water always contains more or les nitrate, its presence in milk eaa be detected. The test is carried eat thus: Twenty minims of sulphate of diphenylamine are placed in a small porcelain vessel, aad a few drops ef the milk which Is to be examined added to K. If this contains even Ave per cent, of average well water, a blue tinge wiU gradually distinctly appear. Sulphate ef diphenylamine it easily procurable aad cheap, so the test may be readily tried. AT. T. iW. IxeHed fisherman to summer-hotel man "There isn't a bit of fiebiag around here. Every brook has signs warning people off. What de yea mean by taring anglers here with tbe promise of fine fishing?" Hotel nana "I didn't say anything about fine nemng. n you rasa my aurertseemeai carsfaily yea wiU sea that whsI sahl wai Fishing unapproachable." Jarlmefsn Fntfrm-

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TBOBTtMO TO LUOK.

A Um. m etaas, ef greater aad less degree, have beea interviewed in various parte ef the country within tbe last few weeks regarding tbe prospect for tbeir party ia the approaching Presidential earnMian. Kobodv eaa have read manv such interviews without being struck with the unanimity with which mil these politicians confess that they are trusting to luck for success next year, As a rule they ssy that the Republicans will carry 'the election, but wbea aeseed for an explanation as to how they will do it, they always fall back upon the theory that there will be a Labor candidate for President; that he will draw off about twice as manv votes from tbe Democrats as from the Republicans; and that the Republican nominee will thru slip i In other words, they virtually confess that on a square test between tbe old parties the Republicans are beaten before the fight opens, but they trust to luck that something will turn up by which their party may win, without any reference to the question of merits. It is curious to observe how completely the old "issues," which have so long been tbe stand-bys of the Republicans are now disposed 'of. There was tbe "scare" argument, to begin with, which did such excellent service so long as tbe Republicans were in i power ana couia tool oustness men l ies , , - I ?"d Ubor,.nK lf that a j f tlC administration "involves 1 M n a nnla 1 IniltieltMal nnl Atrial HuHciRt jnuugirieU & no. eoRiBierciai P" ih"0.U iM?V htts platform in 1884. But with " " " was aad with the increased deposits sbow Ing that the labonng men are able to save more than ever before, it is simply reoicuious to tell business men or laboring men that tbe country will be "ruined" if a Democrat is again elected. The "rebel claims," "rebel pen sions," and "rebel debt" bugaboos have also been done for. There may be places in the backwoods where Republican stump speaker would still venture te get off those ancient "gags," but among respectable peo ple nobody longer has the assurance to talk that sort ot nonsense. And it had a tremendous hold upon intelligent people only three years ago. If they would be honest about it, teas of lavuwnus oi men, ww now e ui wjtf fle fouldHtioH for tker .1 J L t-. . tlreae, would ooniess that thev were j only frightened into voting for Blaine in 1864. against their convictions, by , the "view-wi th-alarm" plank about the "rebel claim" business. The State-rights issue has gone the ' same way with the "rum" and the "rebel claims." That a Democratic President would have the chance to fill vacancies in the Supreme Court with men who believe in State-rights, and that this would be dangerous to the Nation, was once an effective argu ment. But the Supreme Court itself. while composed entirely of justices ap pointed by KepublicHn President?, has made it of no avail in future, for that court has settled the State-rights issue in a way which no Democrat wants to unsettle, and Justice Miller has declared that "the autonomy of the States, and their power to regulate their domestic affairs" are now estabijIm4 usob h Hrm Tbe "solid South" cry no longer frightens any body. It used te ha urged that if the Democrats came into power, they would virtually re-enslave the negroes, make tbe South uninhab- ; iuW by Nokem men, and generally cut up all manner of mischief. But tbe negroes themselves admit that they are better off than ever before. Northern men are settling in the South in steadily growing numbers, and tbe relations between the races are found by such oheervtirs as General Armstrong ef Hampton, a Union soldier and Republican, to be more kindly than at any previous time since the war. Oa the sectional issue all that the Republicans have to offer is the assurance. i Ueni.9 to their record in the past, that f. - lor which tney may appeal witn con if they arc restored to power, there will be more "outrages" in tbe South than there have been since Mr. Cleveland was inaugurated; but it may be doubted whether even "Bill" Chandler or General Tuttle would venture te stump the country on that basis. After all, when one comes to review the field, it is not so evil as it appears at first thought that the Republican managers are trusting te luck in 1886. All of their obi devices are used up, and they see as plainly as anybody else that no new ones can be invented te take tbeir pi Se it is that the organization which, as a "party of moral ideas," elected Abraham Lincoln i 18cA rests its hope ef victory in 1888, not upon the promise to tbe wisest voters of the best candidate, but qpon the chance that a Labor nominee for President wilt draw more foolish voters from the party than from ita ewa. N. KiW. Whitolaw Raid, as ergan-grind-er in-chief in America, attempts to make cut that M tbe BaeuMleaae ware m power every man appointed to office would be a good one. There is aa need of overhauling history to refute this neaense. Harvey, the forger, just sentenced to prisea for twelve years, was appointed ea Mr. Raid's recommendation. CWcee JfersW. m m General Tattle says that "tbe Southern people bokl just as bitter feelings toward tbe 5orth as they erer have" Tan k good Republican doctrine. It kt tbe platform ea which tbe party wilt tight aad lest in life. at r ni'Mirfii

RANDOM BIMJTB. J

ht be bad defsaded the Uatoa by ef a substitute. Caceaas Jtvaa, mJms JuavCeaflt4Ku Jfc JMWBMJs prevail upon Mr. Qladetoae to America. Bat eaa't Mr. prevail ea Mr. Blaine to remain ia la Rev, R. R. R Barebard has beea, iaterviewed ea tbe Grand Army best ness. He sympathises with Tattle, baa evidently thinks tbe fiauural has aaade a fsol of himself. Bf. Xeass BcMMfMcnv Xew tbe statement is thai ie9Jeaa Jieaaa"(' ememV( 4Mt emWB JCeM sas Pacific documents was a brother a long deferred brother. If a strawberry mark eaa be produced the story fat complete. Albtmi (If. J.) Jhwsa. A pbotograpor ia Scotland was unable to take a picture ef Mr. Blaine, on account of the rapidity with which that statesman changed bis pesitioa and appearance. It came very easy to Mr. Blaine te do that. He has had a good deal ef practice. Cki JTewe. Thomas X. Powell, the Demo cratic nominee for Governor of Ohio, was a private soldier ia the Unioa army. As he is not a very ferocious 1 man, it is not likely that be ever killed and swallowed whole Confederate bri gades, as Foraker did. Cincinnati Mnqmrmr. Tbe organs ef the Republican party have only one motto, and if you keep that in mind you will understand all tbe fine rhetorical mupeas work which they are now gettnrg in. That motto, is "When tbe bloody shirt goes to the laundry we ge to the cemetery of dead issues." K T. BtralfL Ex-Senator Dorsey is reported to be arranging to return to tbe glow ing arena of politics, with his eye fixed upon a Senatorial chair. Perhaps H would be better for Mr. Dorsey te re main a simple sheep harder in New Mexico and cool off his political ambi tion, which will rob him of Mat psaee of mind which he has ae doubt en joyed since he retired te tbe Xew Mexican sheepfolds SL Fmw ftssssrPrtu (Btp-i-UNION VETERANS. Mmw Tfeey H bt UtWMtMk by tae suVfftemVeBs' e4mFmVa)a?0Hh In their eager desire to make out an essential antagonism between President Cleveland and the old soldiers, the Republican politicians undertake to dispute the fact that the present ad ministration has put more Union veterans in office than were given position under Republican rule. Tbe fact remains, however, a sober, serious, unquestionable fact It is true, and the unalterable records stand as irrefutable evidence of tbe fact. Tbe great Interior Department, which has as its head a former "rebel," affords a brilliant example of this fact. A comparison of tbe official register of tbe department, showing tbe roster of officers on October 1, 1884, being tbe last issued under President Arthur's Administration, gives a total ef 770 veteran Union soldiers and sailors employed under the department at that time. Oa February 1. 1867, however, with Secretary Lamar, the ex-Confederate, at the bead of the department, there were sixtyfour more Union veterans oa the rolL the total at that date being 884. The total number of employes at present aggregates 3,800, aad the list was certainly not so large oa the 1st of October, 1884, so that tbe ex-Confederate Secretary, carrying out the general policy of President Cleveland with exceptional vigor, has given a much larger percentage of the offices under his control to Union veterans than did his Republican predecessor. A similar comparison ef tbe rolls of tbe other departments would show that the same policy has prevailed every where under this Administration. Almost without exception, whenever a Union soldier or sailor has gone out his place has beea filled by the appointment ef another Unioa veteran. This course has been so invariably followed that such exceptions as can be discovered are only ef the kind that prove the rule. In addition a number of new appointments have been made to positions not heretofore filled by Union veterans.. Zsau Mtpmlliomn. THE PENSION RECORD. The Sort mt rrM Wbtak Talk LmSm TkM RmmMImb rat-ty Las Several Republic aa papers bars recently taken occasion to deny tbe statement that more penal ae work k now being done in the Pension Bureau" and in Congress than ever before. TBb statement k true, aad tbe bureau bat tbe figures to show R. Tbe number ef private pension bilks which have passed Congress aad beea approved by tbe President ia twe years is double tbe number Hayes signed, and more than eetb Great aad Hayes or Garfield and Arthur sigaed. These four, ia the fifteen years from 1870 to 1886. approved 1,M4 private psneiou bilks. President Cleveland, ia tbe twe years from 1888 to 1887, approved 888 such bills, aver half ae aaay. If the proportion eontinaes to beM geed Mr. Cleveland wilt eiga twe heeered mere peneicn bills in fear years thea Grant, Hayes, Garfield aad Arthur aid ia fffef all else iiaa issued from July, 18t, to July, 1887, double these from July, to July, 1884. aad $18,000,000 mere paid out. There arc new about 491,800 peatieacts ea the rails, aa increase ef over M.000 since July, 1888, as against aa increase of 41,000 from July, 1888, to July, 1888. These are tbe sort ef ffarec which 8 eeJ-lCs sVaWMbwrraH JWfc

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M. Depew list ef 1, addresses that be baa delivered at eaa Jay Gould stocks me steam yacht. tbe At slants, with fine wme lienors for ether neoale. bat JseMBnieaJP lseBeMtale jLaWJ Je$ JWnt ea uutie man oa ariacinle. but has um taste r nw w ffa e- P s -" T ' far such beverages. Mrs. Cleveland has received tome admirer ia Mexico a ef the United States, worked ea heavy sard-board in feathers. Tbe feathers, most of them colored, are from many different kinds of birds. Throughout Ra gland, and even Ia Parliament, Mr. ParneH's name is usually spoken ae in this country, with tbe accent on tbe second syllable. Bat be and his closest friends accent H srly oa the first syllable. Frank Vincent, who wrote "The Land of the White Elephant." has jaet returned from a 56,000-mile journey ia South America, where be had beea ia every capital and Important seaport, and explored many leagues of unknown territory. He is a quiet man, slim, with a dark brown mustache aad a well-tanned face. Shakespeare seems to have beea pretty well up in most of tbe slang phrases of the present day. In "Henry VIII," we have "too thin"; in "Ring John" "come off!" and "you are tea green and fresh"; in "A Winter's Tale," "What? Never?" and, although he does not exactly use the exclamation rats! we have ia "Hamlet," "A rat! a rat!" which is pretty near it John Buayaa used the phrase "It is a cold day" ia connection with adversity. Bssmw CewrKK Walter Scott at credited with having been a dunce at school. Tbe fallowing appears to prove tbe eoatrary: Once a boy in the same class was asked by the "dominie" what part ef speech "with " was. " A noun, sir." said tbe boy. "You young blockhead," cried the pedagogue, "what example eaa you give me of suck a thing?" "1 can tell yon, sir," interrupted Seett; "you know there's a verse in the Bible which says 'They bound Samson with witbs.' " Drain's Trmmlicrs JtafaTbe Sultan of Johore has a wonderful palace near Singapore. Ita wealth and beauty rival tbe "Arabian Nights" tales splendor; and he is always willing to show his marvels to the many strangers touching at bis shore. He entertains bis gliosis at meals with food served in golden vessels, which service cost 1700,000. The regalia he wears is valued at 8800,000, a sword Queen Victoria presented cost the neat sum of S0. 000, and he delights to dazzle the eyes of his en chanted spectators with these mi Ul imune m nont'n. HUMOROUS. Harry "Larry, which will be tbe last language spoken on earth?" Harry "Well. I should say the Finnish." Cold Comfort "Has tbe train started?" asked a belated passenger, as he rushed up to the station at Bridgeport "Yes," answered a benevolent-looking old lady, "but k will stop at New Haven." "I want to be aa angel." sang; a female voice in a side room; and, there npon, a heartless wretch in an adjoining apartment broke forth with: "Johnnie, get your gun, get your gua, gun gun." Bssfsa Tr&ncripL City Girl "Are those great strong cows over there yours, sir?" Farmer "Yes, mum; and they are the strongest in this section." City girl "Then you must be tbe man e7M emmVmCtee' that awfully strong butter, ain't yea?"' A Russian named Skraeypecywsijeavkk, living in Campbell County, recently lost a blooded colt worth twe hundred dollars. He had his farm fenced with his name and tbe celt ran into it and cut bis legs all to pieces oa the "z's" and "k's." Dsbsto BsJf. "My dear old friend, how were you able to acquire such aa immense fortune?" "By a very simple method." "What method is that?" "When I was poor I made eat that I was rich, and when I got rich I made sat that I was poor." Tsjmm 3tJiwo. The Result of Tight Lacing. TbmlsayMaf gtrlsatatOe, B AMtberlSMM Urty were mm ts be Ma. set Stet Bm9 eBUtta eWH ojojfjhl"1 faV98) ay bwr Mntt'i Meat ktee Ana aew she mh get nary bMM me. Hm n'w 7 it mfil It jim H fclf MMLia r wwtv w . wwp 'Excuse me. sir," be said, "bat yea are something ef a readiag man, are yea aot?'T "O. yes, sir, I often reed half tbe night through." "1 thought so. I am seldom mistaken in judging character. Yea have a passion for literature, I suppose?" "Ret exactly; I'm a proof-reader." X T. Baa. Frefesscr " Te-dey yea made another spectacle ef yourself. I am much displeased with yea aad wish to remark that te-merrew I will punish attef yea severely anises yea arena eaiet that a mouse eaa be beard te ma aeress tae Seer." A Scholar "M yea .1-.-. . g-jr. ALm, m m j-yy- fJkll 1 lm4ma fa fBaeamBBsmv BfCvjffBBna J- vnFemjUBu; , enaaasya m. aaa, iam aa saararaansw with me ia tbe morale -aB. Boarding-Mease Free. Mrs. A. (who to taking French lessons). "Row, WeWMI -afe4V-U BteMHM 3ftu yen must say 'Bntree' to aim, aad be will knew whet yea aseaa aad seme mto tbe parlor." (Tbe bell ring, and Bridget gees to tbe deer. It hi tbe professor). "Ontario." says Bridget. "Wad ye walk into the pairier. sk?" (Tbe preisssor walked In aad IViegat reported her trinutpk to tbe fnok.) Jtorsar's,