Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 26, Number 34, Jasper, Dubois County, 27 June 1884 — Page 3

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WEEKLY COURIER.

JAAFEB, . XVDIAMA, TUB MAWBtr LAMENT. uicaaucv nui wise, feswe me here a httte, van I mm a mar mines; let mmmmr rovln optic down the visntof nwdLHate b all mj folttea, fre mjr first act to last All tlM It of wear? Uuam had taetr oriaia end start UM In I IrM detenBtnMl I auU SSfStlf to Aita day I perorated an uahmiia statui Much varaM4. a drain-nine with sens nintiirM ni asswed on aad varnlnhsd. But this kind of dvroraUoa spapdUr wnt out of stvle. MltamMM round aad palatod a SSJ--nue Uie. thou a i-lesvad stork I painted, 'Mid iwmi, on a panel; Jfext 1 is1 a ! ety todj f sosae oaMaito worked oa flannel "t?noonvBtlnal tad worth lew" esons. mm to eruakers, I J M some rprmoiw sunflowers, streifbt aad stttY a aohots. Just as i we rirU all took an aksSoUa. la a wax OHMd aad easy. With straav streaks aad freaks of mior: this we called "bo Japaooiey." I bar "etched'' a deara derley, painted four dear Ming Blacquea. Wtn4 wtth Kato Oreeaawar oattdrea pasteboard br the stacks, "drawn-work. ' mad riMn hern tehee oiarter thlan with vit feed Barn's ftw on ta imoSl imI km. Mad a "cnuf quia," . as If thta list of oblcwtadMn't amu an ass. I Must needs will) all the others nadir trr to aaatotcr bras. rada, I shaver weary, sod mr heart Is mWiI YMPXMl. tst Basse nf Ait most flnJsbed If it snt't, what come twit? Mast I try tp do weed-earrta? Must I tears tO MOdal SOBM? Hark: the banjo calls Me onward. Coairades, wearily I com. amis taoaswr, at mrpft WAXTKtt, A WIFE. Jack Hornby, of Braieafaoe Coliege, Oxford, had jtat finished his usual afterbtkfnt pipe, on the last day of th summer term, 180. whcs his attention was arrested by a sharp rap at hi door, immediately followed by the entrance of the well-dressed person of hk collece Wood. Methven. Cots along In," said Hornby, "and s light vourself a pipe." "No, thaok ye, can't stop," replied Methven, "as 1 have a lot to do this loornlng, but I thought I would last ram across aad toll von a bit of uw T nave Jaat arranged a glorious hoax, at P"? I mod hardly ay, of old ponoa. He has beoosne too cute lata, hr to b caught brow old time-honored Jofcos, and so I hare arranged the folJpwiag plan: A week ago I inaerted in the agony eohiran of the Mommy Adttriiaer a glowing matrimonial advertisement, in which I stated that the adTertieer, who was haodtome. rich and aU that sort of thing, deairad to meet -with a pretty aad aeronfflished girl wWi a view to matrimony. All applicants were to send their photographs; the rpHi-i to be sent to H. C. No. 151 SL Giles. Oxford-that's the house wimw my scout lire, and so. of course. I tow him to br.ng me any tetters thus addressed. I got no reply for a day or an, but four daj ago I received a letter tram a eertain damsel, who deserihed herself as young, haadsome and accom-pUsht-U, i Delicti ne the photograph of a Try pretty girl, ended by asking when and where I should meet her in town, and igned herself Mias L. Bernard, Pieoslillv Circus I'ost-oflre; she y epre.ei a oesire w nare tne arertiaer photograph, so 1 promptly i sent her that of old Crofton, which he,' had lately iriren me. and said I would write 'o-nijrlit when and where I should meet her; o jbv scheme R to somehow induce Mfton (o meet this girl: she will of course reconi him by the otrtgraph 1 have jwnt. will probablr rash into his arm, the kangaroo win be utterly overpowered, and there will b aa iiiK'resttln fcn' matt. Xow. Bornbv. lon't vow think that a magnificent pk-et of jtratejn-?'! "No, in.ll, I dWt. said Hornbr; "i ,Blc ,l 'n lnfmal shnm; nnt what I more. I hare half a mind to go bwi mni ine Katipiroo ot uic rnar. ' "Oh. come now," s;d Methren, trwo d never do that. Jack, i know, Weill I can't stay ay longer, so goodbye lor the present.1'' There Is not the ven- slightest douiH imx, if the fates had' not intervened, TOmby would hare gone straight to CroCton aad warned him of the impending hoax, and this storv woii'd never haws been written: but. a it happened, m sooner hart Merthven gone out of AHnbys rooms than in rushed the &c wwty of the Coilege Cricket Cmb in a Idteof breathless anxiety; there was a "Mat at 11-J0; it was now eteren ock, and he could get together only HP1 . So Hornby was promptly aaiitted, and by the time the match was wer Ifethvett aad his scheme had entirely faded from his not too retentive memory. Methven, in the meantime, tOf straight to Crofton's rooms. Sow, th!s Crofton. who wan about to J1 victim to Methvea's wiles, was w son of a largo Australian sheep rmer, and had come no to Brasetimwthe Hwjuns CMoIkt. Like most crlnnisu wh have n !tn to srho-l m Mtgiao'l, he wa vvrv eimpl? and Jinphiti,ced; and though the kaiuraroav was generally aalled, n wy mmniar he was otmatai(' bahsjr bmoji pBB VmSSmBbI dMr1, afssaWMn SaMaatsWlUBsnsma kahf-fcJhnl laahjaa "e aw sBBjsaaaBBj aBjsjBBipsaBpsgpa jpSjBBjsBpjBa SMfsavMnP

of which were iwWmatsd by Methvea, who was the nroasasieanl 'hoawr of Braxenfaoa. He ajwaya forgnv them hrtUy , aad Joined ia the liawh htemL However, his one ya?s reaidanoa ia college had opened his eyas a UtOe, aad being natorsiiv anything bat a fool, his friends found it not quit so aasy to take him la now. as H used to be. and several attempts having lately failed. Methvea, to sustain his dwindling reputation as a joker, had eoncocted the plan he had just disclosed to Hornby. He found the genial giant busily paekiag his trap, ready for going down the next day. After chatting a moment two the tempter began: "As you'regoin;: to town to-morrow, I want yon to do me a little favor. X promised to meet a firl, a cousin of mine, to-morrow. We each had got an order for the House of Commons, and I was to have escorted her, and as we meant to have a little lunch together at Lucas before we went in, we had arranged to meet at a quarter past two at the Westminster Bridge landing pier, that being a place where we ooulda 1 possiblv miss each other. Now, as bad lock will have it the dean has sent for me to aee him after collections, so that I can't let the girl know, because she's away on a visit for a day or two to some friends, whose address I have forgotten, and she won't return home till after she's been to the House. Vow. I don't want the poor child to wait an hour for me. so would you mind going there at a quarter past two aad teSingher I can't come, because of that beastly deanP And so that yon can't mistake her, rre brought you bar photograph. By-the-by, Ter name's Miss Bernard. Now will this be too much trouble for you?" "Oh. not a bit," saM Croftou, I shall be delighted." Well, remember, Westminister landing pier, at a quarter pat two! And now, good-bye, aad a pleasant long' to you." Methven, highly elated with the result of his scheme, immediately wrote a note to Miss L. Bernard that H. C. would meet her at the Westminster Bridge pier, at a quarter past two punctually, and that she most come up and speak to hfm if she aaw him first. I The next morning Crofton. harinr .1 1 l ?

Ttmnv ha-rmg been bullied alternately by tho principal, the dean aad the senior tutor, hurried off to the station and Just managed to catch the mid-day express to town. On his arrival, leaving his traps at a hotel, he rushed oft to Westminster Bridge landing pier, and arrived there within a minute or two of tho appointed time. There were but few people oa it when he arrived, and certainly no one resemblinr in the slisrfateet decree the photograph of Mr. Methvea's cousin. He looked up and down, but no there was only one young lady there, and she wasn't ia the least like tho photograph. She was standing close to the tlcketoAee. holding the hand of a liti' j boy of tea or so and she ssciued to watch Crofton with an amused smile as he impatiently walked up aad down, looking now at her watch and now at the Parliament clock tower. The little boy, (retting tired of waiting, bad slipped awav under the protecting chains 'around the aide and began to play with a little dog that was vaguely roaming about. The young lady did not miss him, and when Crofton happened to turn be saw the child, ia trying to avoid a sudden bound of the dog, stumble aad fall over the pier into the river. The child veiled, the girt shrieked, and the dog barked for sympathy, but Crofton, who fortun ately nan plenty of presence of mind and was a good strong swimmer, dived quietly into the water, caught up the child In a couple of strokes, and in a very short time had restored his drip-; ping burden to the young lady. She j was of course most grateful to him for having saved the life of her little ! brother (for so the child turned out to j be), and as Crofton put them into a i cab, she akrd htm to call on tbem at borne and give her parents an op ort unity of personally thanking him. J Crofton at first pooh-poohed tne idea ' of being Ihu made a hero of. hut there j a . f was a picastng iook ta ner pretty eyes which quite overcame hi scruples: and, having s-crtained that her father was a Mr. West, wd lived at No. l;W I atti mis JsLtunPa lae rtwsia js.l In nl1 there the following aJtcrooon. And, i as there wa tili whoa a!vn tiae Pab. nani. and am he was dripping wet. he 2 s'itss aaJJv vj w hnile.1 a na w cab and returned to hU hotel. The next day atadin to hii promise, he called at Xv f;t Cavendish squitre, and wa nxt ivcii nHwt kindly by Miss West, his acquaintance of yesterday, aad her mother, an old lady, who thanked him mot volubly for having sayei dear Bertie's life, who, she added, wari none the worse for the iraiimi, wun uuiri iuv worse wr i.bb . i 1 tiacKrnjr. nu wn mi, mat moment ia i oeu, wwn a mustaru ptasur on ni i . . . . . i chet and a basin of amel bv hh shle. rbably thinking the drowning would lave been infinitely preferable to the doctoring. Of course Croftou was Invited to stay to dinner, so as to meet Mr. West, who did not return from business till after six. About that time be arrived, aad a fine cheery fellow he was, aad right heartily did he welcome his new acquaintance. After dinner, as he and Hjutv were discustifur a bottie of '31 port, Mr. West found out from the simple-hearted fellow that he was a native of Australia, aad that, though he was hanov enoturh durins? termtimn with his college chum, he found it verv- dull during vacation, having but few relations nnd friends In the old country: and so Mr. West, liking the honest manly lad, and feeling, of course, Immmfor grateful to him for having saved Ida . child drewninf. teflM htm to

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tag-l4g w Scotland. Croftou, bsmg naaalntiatsly devoted to sport, aaapped t tho offer; ami so ft was arrsagid that he should go up to Mr. West's ahoptiag lodge. In Oramarty. on tho 11th of August. To this day he weara that the month ha snemt ai Hathi-low Lodge was the happiest time of his lite good sport, niw men in tho home, aad. ah! far beu of all the society of Lilian West. At first it struck him that she looked upon him for some reason or other as rather a poppy, which considerably surprised him. for whatever his fsulU might be, conceit waa certainly not one of them. But as time went on. aad she bad plenty of opportunity of seeing what a modest sterling fellow he was (belles being the bast shot of the party) the feeling seemed to pas away, and soon gave place to a. sincere regard. Sunday afternoon rambles through the heather, coxy chats ia the gloaming after dinner, lessons in the mysteries of "gobaug" and ohesa, have brought together less susceptible hearts than those of Harry Crofton and Lilian Weft, and the day before be waa returning to England he plucked up courage, proposed, and to his delight, was accepted. The next morning, however, just before starting home, Lilian came up to him and said: "Harry dear, before you go I want yen to forgive me for the silly joke I played you about that advertisement" " Advertisement!" said he, "what advertisement?' "Why the one, of course, you put in the Morning Advertiser." Crofton looked very mystified, and again shook his head. "Oh, come now, Harry," replied Lilian, " it is not a bit of use your trying to deceive me; do you mean to say you didn't put the advertisement in the Morning AdnrtuerT and so saying, she drew from her card-case a small newspaper cutting and handed it to Crofton. It ran as follows : WAmntD a Wir.-Tbe advertiser, wbo ta strtktBair Handsome, very avoMapltaaei, and estreMety rick, wishes to nect with youa ladv wnJt view to BMtrimoar. She Must be Sod kmklat, awiabte and aomMi4tkd. Applicants must forward their pbntojrapti aad eddies. H. C. Ill St. titles', oxford. -Never saw it before in my life," said Crofton. And you never wrote this?" con , ZITZ Z Tt" v' ter from H. C. to Miss LTBernard. apthe place and time of mectin?. pointins "Most oertainlv not. it s not a bit like my handwriting. Couldn't write so well if I tried for a month.' ' Well, Harry, you must at toast own that this your photograph.' " Good gracious, yes!" replied Crofton; "tnat s mine. sure enough; but have sent It, and wbo on earth could why to you of all people!" "Oh mmiA MlfW r un. sasa LAiiau. "rn atraia vou will think me verv silly, but when 1 read that advertisentent I longed, I simply yearned for I'm very curious, Har2, as you'll soon find out to see in tho sh the human being wbo could be so consummately conceited as to frame an advertisement like that; aad so I replied to it, directing my letter from the post-office at Piocaiillv Circus and signing myself by a fictitious name. I also seat the photograph of a pretty little maid I once bad. and next day received the photograph and letter you nave just sewn. So, with Bertie as my companion, feeling sure that the advertiser couldn't pomiby mistake me for the original of Parker's photograph, I went to the Westminster landing pier at the appointed time. Imagine my delight, then, when I saw yon, the orf final ot the photograph, stalking up and down tho pier, apparently awaiting the faithless dameL Bnt Harry, dear, if you did not go to meet me, why in the world did vou go to the pier at that verv time' "I went on a com minion," said he. "for a college friend of mine, named Methven, " "What! Mr. Methven. of Bnwenface!" said she, "Why, yes: ls;he a friend of vonrs?" "Oh. 1 only met him when staring in the country last Christ na; and 1 think, Harry, he liked me better than I did him.4 Well," continued Crofton, "I wont there to meet a cousin of his, and to give ner a mesaage frra him. but I have a shrewd idea thi m one of his T,mctical jokes he is alw.v. plityinp " "But, tell me. how were vou to know this young ladv.TTarry?" Kud Lilian. . - . , . 7 c a l,""rlm by i wn,F" 1 w 10 roooguie isr. as it mat ot a pretty girt wita a large bat and feather, with a fan in hr . . . . . . i . ..... i hand?" said Lilian with a .-mile. "The very amv said (Vton. "Then, Ham, you are quite rijrht it was a practicaf joke, lor that was I arker's photograph which 1 seat to the mysterious Mr. II. C. And now, Harry dear, it's not a bit of use getting angry . . . , . , .y .r, about it forwewKni hth anld1 a littht " . . v . and me; and so we will make a promise ; - . rrv . Ann m- Mrl ait im anil mil,, mmmiaa I : nut w ensn one anoiner in ine ininre for the parts we have each played in the strange little Comtdy of Firms.' " I need hardly say Crofton sealed the bargain with a kiss. When Harry next returned to Brasenface the Ocr term bad begun. Port Meadow was tlood- d. the elms outside St. John's were rapidly losing their Icayes, and the creeper on St Mary's porch was in all the glory of its autumn foliage. Crofton arrived, first day of term, just in flute for "ball," and as he Was finishing his dinner, the scout who waited on the third-year table handed him the following brief epistle, scrawled on the back of the dinner-bill: iNr Kanstamo -. to mjr kkmbs directly ntter "hail." Tours ex nr. J. ttoRT, So after "haH," Crofton went straight to Hornby's rooms, and found him unoorkine a bottle of college port: OVVT HUB WUW, BOOWBU UW HM Manry Cssjtlnfl, jit;

Barony tho mty of h'a lota, tho wholo tBs4"Un0r' asMMK esMWCWjWawia aVaMai jjrtMsMfc (I

very laoky don ho was. He aaJshed his narratlvs, whoa a knock came at tho door and in walked Methren, Just arrived. "How d'ye do, Jaek HiUo. Kangaroo, bow are yon, old chap?" be began. But, somehow, the look on Crofton's face Methven had never seen before, and what' mora, didn't like it However, he continued, "well, did you meet my oouete, ehP Come, come, old chap, you must really forgive me; it was a beastly shame, I own." "Now, look hero," said Crofton, quietlyand there was an utfly look in bis eyes, and a firmness in his jaw that mad Methven unconsciously creep near the door-"I don't want to have a row with any man. much less in Jack Hornby's rooms. But I tell vo-i plainly. I think it was awfully low of rou to take advantage of my good-nature In the wny you did I strongly advise you for the future, if you like a whole skin, not to try the game on again. I may tell yon, your scheme entirely failed, and it's entirely through yonr'atttempt at a hoax I bars become engaged to the nice little girl in England.'' "Really." said Methven with a sneer, "then I think the least vou can do is to introduce us, as she may possibly like to make the acquaintance of tho unconscious author of ber happiness. "Perhaps she might. 'v replied Crofton. quietly, "if she hadn't unfortunately made it before. Good-night, Jack," and so saying he left the room. "There Methven,' said Hornby, "I knew quite well some row would come of this hoax of yours." " Well, toll me what happened. Jack, If you know." Thereupon Hornby told the whole story, from bsgbning to end; when he had finished. Methven said: "I wonder who the girl waa, and when and where she met me." "Of course I can't tell yon the latter," said Hornby, as be walked up to the chimney-piece to refill his pipe, "but her name, if I remember rightly, is Mum Lilian West" Hornbv heard a sbaro srroan. sum! on looking around mw Methvea aa white as a sheet, with his bead buried la hit bands. "Jood God. man. what's on cried ! Hornby. ! . '0h ck." said Methven, "that's g" myself. I mot bar IMt nnstmss in tne country, and I wouia nave sold my very soul for her! Ami P0 he continued, with a so "and now ahe's lost forever." Wi H"5. Word walked out, tearii sob. With laavinsr Hornby to ponder deeply on the strange irony of fate. Two years have rolled on, Lilian Wast is now the wife of Henry Crofton, B. A., of Braaenfaoe Collqn, Oxford. And Methven bus long since come to the conclusion that there safer modes of playing practical jokes on one's friends ; wan oy inserting in the papers fictitious i matrimonial advertisements. J. Jteav i not, in Time, Wants in Bombay. Bombay is exceedingly interesting to me. I love to soak my handkerchief in camphor, and then start oft" ia tho edge of tho evening for a long ramble on foot, oblivious of the danger from cholera aad other prevalent pestilence. Here is a single, lone Chinaman, tho only one I have seen in all Bombay, who m steppinr alonsr to his shoe-ahoo. Here am a group of my esteemed coun try men, as l immediately anther from i w'pM c. o. jLrentoB ruuHu loeir nai-onnus, ana aiso irom their blue sailor suits. They are slightly moistened with benzine I can see, and I have grave doubts as to the nature of their minion ashore; but they compare so favorablr with the men from the British chips in conduct that I do not rebuke the n as I pass by. Her1 are some bootblacks, the firt I have seen since leaving iSan Francisco. Your shoes are always blacked bv the hotel porter, or the boardiusr-bouse porter. , or ine steamer porter tn tnese porta, so j that the business of the street urchin is sadly injured. 1 do not hear the fnmilI lar American crv: -Shine yer boots?" ) These Hindoo bootblacks should visit : New York aad u.cc htm it is done,'' i Hero a gnat crowd of natives are looking ofT at the ukr ocr the bay. I r look. alo, but sec nothing. I move on ( further, until I come in sight c.tinA in irht f tho sra - !hoiT. when 1 discover thousands of lH-oi)U si:t!no- tloH'n ) trn5mr t H blank, cloudless skv. 1 ferret out a Parsee (the razees almost alw.r i . i . n - -." spoak English ). and he explains It all to rue. This is the first day of the Hindoo new year, ami it is a great National ctntotn to look for the new moon. After j much looking I discover the queen of i night the smallest crescent I have ever seen. i ntVv io " ' The streets dre thronged with men. v.vi m nnwmi, mi ... . i . . i t eo?ttunies that are more showy thsn any I have ever seen elsewhere in the world. A series of terrible shrieks now rise above the babel of street cries. I elbow mv way alone to tho scene ot s, ana ma tnat a ttanmo is m V . . M . . ng tho nose or one of his iters, affed perhaps ten years. This is, of course, a part of every srirl'i edncatiOB, but is a medicine that w not appreciated in the faking. The means adopted for performing the operation are rather primitive. The child's bead is held by one person, while another jam the wire Of the jewel t hrough the ahrinklng cartilage of the nostril. Con A 0. 2ums-Iemocral - - There arc no less than half s dorcn dog schools in New York, where dogs nre tanght some very neat tafeks for $ 1 Zi K Hon with nlomM voecblnar far irradnawdn from this 'Ititiltitiiig wn wwrth

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Lucy Iarcosn, tho poet and writer, as formerly a Lowali mill-girL Jtos torn bsf. Mr. Corcorao, the Washington millionaire, is proud to remember that his father was a cobbler, and keeps the parental sign-board as bric-a-brac. K. Hewlett, colored, aad John C. Shea, white, have formed a law part nersbip la Washington, which creates quite a commotion. H atkington W. Mrs. Sinclair, wbo was divorced from Edwin Forerat years ago, is still living on Staten Island, aad is a bate, hearty, handsome old lady, plentifully provided with this world's goods. "Hoary George, " says a London correspondent of an Irish paper, "was asked ia my presence if he would run

for a Scotch constituency, and ho repl ed, I rue not; I would then bo in eUMefur the Presidency of the United George W. Jones, to whom wnt first applied the phrase "The Watchdog of tho Treasury." is living at Fayettevilla. Lincoln County. Ten., la robust health at tho ago of eighty years. Mr. Jones served la Congress for eight con tecutive terms. Having lost bar singing voice, Aimee will next season come to America to act in dramas. "When I can't speak," she lately said, "i'H go Into pantomime. There's nothing like sdaating one's self to circumsteaoes. ' ' CsWeago Inter Oeetm. Charles 0' Conor did not desire to live. When the doctor first prescribed lor him he wm particular to inquire as to the nature of the medicine, "I do not want to take anything that will prolong life," he sakt -I want only that which will keep me from pain." if. J. Herald. -Judge Poland, of Vermont, who has always worn a blue swallow-tailed coat, with brass buttons, during the twenty years or ao that he Ium been la public life, and has been known at "Brass Mounted Poland.' created a sensation in Washington the other day by appearing in a Prince Albert coat of the latest and most Jashonable cat Mrs. Stratum better known as Mrs. Tom Thumb, the widow of the dwarf, is quite sensitive as to her size, and will only receive, the most neeoessary help from others on that account. For example, when she enters a rail way car, she seats herself, at some inconvenience, by a nimble backward jump, rather than accept the aid of another to lift her into a seat Once settled in place, the tiny little woman rite upright in prim dignity. The companion wbo h always with her never often to sanest oa such ocoasions, hi accordance with Mrs. Stkwtton's well-' iTmfjBuf fesf. It mnet be a lady editor wan answers a correspondent's query thnaly: "How to catoh a huBnand-Grnb him by the hair." Why is a very modest young lady like a steamboatf Because sheiysno attentica to the swells that follow her; we a-steanwr for it Omi JYofatf Weekly. A wicked young man says that he never wiU, upon aay consideration whatever, believe that a pretty girl knows wind, a kiss means tiOl be ha it from her own mouth. Chicago Tribwu. young man sent fifty cents to a New York advertiser to learn "how to make money fast," and was advised in reply to glue a five-dollar greenback to the bottom of his trunk. jU Cwy JkrTVOB. Drug clerk to diffident young lady "Wish to get somethlngP" Yatrng may, muttering-- -I reallybeliers I've forgotten what I came for." Cleric, who catches the lastwotds- "Ctapfcor; bow much, please P" -Bitter-Sweet: Miss Montajme Tarw. do Miu Capolet Smvthel I want to introduce to you Mr. Nalhuey, back there, who thinks vou are so awfully dotft You know of him. your He is very amunmsr and eccentric never think? as any one alee does."- Life. A Russian is not legally a man tantil he is twenty-six yean old. Fancy a Russian mother saying: AlvirawisVn, who was that sitting so close oa the sofa with you last nightP" and Alvi replying: "Only Chipmunk! wieki, a little boy from over the way We were oela. hrating bis twenty-fifth birthday. " PkUadelpkia CnlL A lady sat In the editorial room waiting for the editor. She said to the funny man: f waat to send a letter to the post-office. Will you please teU me. sir. whm T UAH am n Wm. " Go to tho devil, madam." "81" she said, rkdng. "Ah. there he cosaes now. John, take that lady's letter to the post-oftace.''A': Y. Newt. -A golden-haired Sllenoe puts Its kond in at a door. "Did you send for meP' "Of course I didn't replied a man in a long apron. "A ntessonger boy said eoody along here wanted to sea me." "Well, Hwa'n't mo; I'm a bar ber. May be It waa the nterehnnt next door. I heard him say he was going to quit adverthiing." Chicago Aeum. There's a little too much hippodrome about that sugar you sold me," said a customer to a grocer the other day. "How s thatr ' "Well, there's not sugar enough In it for coffee and there's hardly sand enough for mortar." "That nhows you don t undcratnnd our gnat wmbination brand.'' blandly re turned the diluter; "you've only got tn nso. tw ioe ns much "and the residue fa jit plenfld for elcaniu? knives." And he .-old him another box of dried apple made from the bet, mieoted shoe pnohtg. Sen iVstecssce Asf.