Jasper Weekly Courier, Volume 22, Number 21, Jasper, Dubois County, 14 May 1880 — Page 3

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WEEKLY COURIER.

O. MOAXK, fHblUker. JASPKK, INDIANA. IAWJT OUH ltUAKUitW-lWUSK. A rwn a a wmK. ah the t her able ()f tM W4TdiH-lMMM taWe hw Jts, h4 ft-llH Her ta; white I envy the ealaa eup IInK kSa hr nx' lip. Ha h (HihH-Kirt, atltl In hr teena; her h ywttm Im h Halt: we are rk--i; Awl I m Urtetlo latrritHer Vt irtte wmHlmiH smile Ht me. M r law pwkw wotiM mk wt, he douW, CiMtM He know what havoc tho-Mteyed have WHh the 4iK!trtiHi f hnr he Krrt Imrtilttxl What 1HHH thWMJ lljH kV tMltgHt. "M AttMaHet HI never oahui before A ilnahifKit'Mi." he tmxl Ui say; Itwt th Bttte jrirl h our boartflaff-keuw Deea't the thl- that wit)'. 'Tk CUrrk will hwiue a rule to i4wmI ' Ah pttltiipi always wlfh niles tauct No Hti f'lr 'h rule to with her , Ami her rnle-lays are-all the timet ThMt f44 Ihw mMzIm, the text-bogles teaoh. Ami th JHie reward: 'Q4ifeU tr AHh fitK .' i- held In tawraiae porn by her. In her pera m ext together at eaoe Hefon-laHt aad Judge ami jHry and oterk; go that ihw would im nine to win a eauw luthte eourt went un up hill work:. Yet wheaerec I alt at the table there, 1 faaay a tabto where only two Ar tMHBJMIlV till 1 IM)' to myself: Theuffh you ke the case, why sue! K'eH though the demur at Hrit who KHOWH? Forthereetef ywir Joint lives made one life, Yh may learn together the Imhoh taught Ih retHrt to Huabaud aatl Wife." Still 1 itoliy in doubt; thoosrh in ether thlna . . . . . . ,.m f ..... . I, . For a bankrupt heart will be the result if I'm taxed with eot In thU Milt. A. V. OordVia, in May StrUtntr. THE PHILOSOPHER'S BABY. I had been considering for About a vorfr wlMtliur I should marry Winifred llanwav, when I heard that she was engaged to the Philosopher. Why did she accent him? It la true that he in both imaginative and critical, but tae nltion exercised in the formation of psyclioluirkal liVDOthesis, and the laborious destruction of thoo of one's neighbor do not usually rouse the sympathy ot bright aud beautiful pirl, who is more fit to live than to think about life. He is certainly handsome, but as certainly ni olothee are barbarous. His trousers can't keep their shape for a day, and his hats are never new. If he notices the rain, he opens an umbrella which nnsrht have served as an ineffectual protection at the time of the Deluge; if he ftmltf call that it is cold, he assumes a garment which might have been the evervdav coat of Methuselah. His manners are &a strxnsre as his annear ance. He nay often be seen walking In tire park at the fashionable hour with a far-off look; in his eyes, and his hat throat hack as if to lessen the ex Kraal preesfire on his active brain: more rarely you may hear him bursting into enthusiasm in Piccadilly, though Piccadilly is th last place in which a roan should allow himself to be enthusiastic. In short, thofceh he is a true friend, he k an uncomfortable ao quaintasoe; aad his volcanic utterances, after kmr periods ol calm contenipia tion, cause such shocks to one's nerves as would be conveyed to the Sunday citizen by the eruption of rrimroae Hill. Rut if it was odd that the beauti ful Winifred Hanwav should marry my xneRu, it was yet more ouu that ne should marry any one.; There were no topics more 'certain to excite an explosion in the Philosopher than the excessive population of the oountry, and the wholesome solitude of tho Thinker. " How." he weuld Itereelv asK. " can a man think efleotuallv on fundamental subiects who is compelled by the despicHole circHBMtances of his life to exhaust his analvtical faculty in consider ing how to pay his butcher and when to buy his coals? I tell yoa, sir, it's bet ter to starve with cold and hunger than to debase one's noblest part to a fame of skill with a graspiar grocer." Again and aeain I had heard him declaim m fids nrsBOSterotts fashion: and, after all, he was going to the altar like any other victim, ami would oonotiese taae a house upon his hack with the dooility vi a snau. I cow Id not solve the problem: wouhl not srive it un. So. full of the (le termination to drag Diogenes out of his tub, and the secret out of Diogenes, I stefjHHt round .to offer my congratulations. My friend was in his study, apparently writinsr, really eatinganuil pen. He rose at me with a rush, wrung my hand till it ached, aud blushed rather uncomfortably. Congratulations aro the cMrse of the Briton. Whether he is offering them or receiving them. he is sreneralLv oblired to take refuge in intermittent handshaking, and most of n4 sentences tail of into ic'runta ami ctohhs. Hut on this occasion it was evident that the Philosopher liad .sotne thine rdv to sav. and was nervously anxious to lay it, Iadtetl, I had hardiv said more than "Mv dearfellow.Idon't know whwi..I raallv am so awfu platl. T. . . .it'a In evarv wav so, such a satislaotory, von know. ... I really do wish au naMHbkt. atM an tnar, sort ui thinir. vou know" when he burst in with a aneeclt so fluently deltveretl that I knew I was not his earliest visitor that morninr. "Of oouwe it's taken you bv surprise." he said, "as I knew it woukl: but the truth is mat i aa e been fhinklmr nf it for a lunar time, ant I am sura I am r'urht." Here I tried to tret in an 1 moras! on of wonder at his new notion of dutv, but he was bent on I...'... ,1 " tiurrtw nil vciiiK in i iiib mallei, rhu

w iim reasons, a ne av jwi

wM he, ' I mn sure that, iaMaad of

iicreaiiu: my domesUe worries, my marriaga will tranafer them in a body to my .wife; and, secondly, when I wnWr the vast number of fools whe are every day bora into the worhl, am terrwed hy the picture of what the next generation will be, if the thinkers of this are to be without sueceseoro." Having discliarged his reasons in thiswise, the orator stood blinking at me att if he feared diesent. but 1 was too astounded bv his majrnincent audacity to reply, blowly a look of peace stole back into his face. deasant light dawned in his eyes, aud the promise of a smile played at the corner of his mouth. lis remarkable fluency was gone, and, indeed, his voice sounded jutte choky when he said: "Johnny you lon't kuow what an angel she is.'1 A . ..... . .. . unit broke in upon me. "rhiiosoptier," 1 said, "I believe you are going to be married because you fell in love?" "Perhaps you are right," said the Philosopher, After the weddinr, the Philosopher and his wife went abroad for an indolinite period, and their friends heard but little of them. He wrote to nobody, and she did not write to me. Yet there were occasional rumors. Now they were breathing the keen air of the Engadinc, now sinking to tbe chestnuts and vinos of Chiavenna; now he was lashing himself to frenzy over the treas. ures of Konie; now she was gazing with sweet Northern cyos across the glowing splendor of the Hay of Naples. Then they wore in Germany, and about to settw for life in a university town; but anon had fled from it in haste after a long night's dispute, . in the course of which my learnod friend had well-nigh come to" blows with the university's most ccieoraieu proiessor. At last I hearu that they were again in London, anil, full of enthusiasm, darted round the corner to welcome Uiem home. Nobody was with them but Mrs. Hanway, Wini red's mother. would enter unannounced and sur prise the Philosopher. I entered unan nounced, and was surprised ruysolf. Was this the effect of matrimony, or of foreign travel? Each occupant of tho room was engaged in an exercise wholly unconnected, as it seemed, with those of the rest. My friend's wife, tho lady whom I had almost loved, queon of all grace and comeliness, was annearingand disappearing liKe a nasii behind the day's Times, showing at the moments of disclosure a face lludied with excitement, and lustrous coils of hair, tumbled into the wildest disorder, while she accompanied the whole performance with strange and inarticulate sounds. Her mother, the same Mrs. Hanway who was so perfect a model of dress and carriage that many of her lady friends were wont to lament among themselves that she gave herself such airs, was seated on the Moor dressed for walking, but without her bonnet. Yes, she was certainly drumming on an inverted teatray with the wrong end oz the poKer. And the Phitosopher? It was perplexinsr. after three rears' separation, to meet him thus. The Philosopher was cantering round the room on all fours, wearing on his head his own waste paper liasket. Briskly he eantered round, ever and anon frisking like a lamb in spring time, until he reached my feet, which were rooted to the spot with astonishment. He glanced up sideways, rose with a cry to tlie normal Hl!.i.ln n 9 a .t MUdfitUld lit- tlta hand. At the sound of his voioe, his wife dropped tlie paper from her hands, raised them quickly to her hair: and his mother-in-law. with as much dignity as the effort would allow, scvirabled on to her feet. Then m an instant the cause of their eccentric conduct was made clear. Throned upon the hearthrug, and showing by a gracious smile a few of the newest teeth, sat a fine baby of some fifteen months. In one dimEled list was tightly clenched tho rush, which had so neatly arraBged the mother's braids; while the other was engaged in pounding the grandmother's best bonnet into a shapeless mass. Wu were all somewhat embarrassed except the baby. The ladies knew that, they were untidy, and 1 that l was aa intruder. As for the learned father, ho stood now on one leg and now on the other, while he shifted the waste-paper basket from hand to hand, and continued to smile almost as perseveringly as his amiable offspring. Yet it was he who at last put an end to our awkward position by expressing a wild desire to have my opinion on the new curtains in his study. Rather sheepishly I saki good-by to the lady of the house, trying to express by my eyes that I would never call again unannounced. I knew that Mrs. Hanway had not forgiven me, as I humbly took the two fingers which she offered; and I felt like a brute, as the most important member of the family condescended to leave a damp spot by the edge of my leftwhUker. Wlien. however, I had been swept down stairs by my impulsive friend, and was alone with him in his den, my courare returned, and with it some indignation. I confronted him and sternly asked wlwr V had not been told that he was a" father. 44 Not been told?" echoed he; 4do you mean to say that you did not know about the Baby?" 'Not so much as that it was," I replied gloomily. He was overwhelmed. Of course he had supposed that every one knew It from the Queen downward. Of coursw fifty people ought to have told me, who of course had told me everytlita1? s' At my curiosity got the" better of my indignation, and i cnt short his apologies hy bcffinninfc my questions. "Does the shape of He head content you?" I asked. "The shape of who what?" oried tk

Philesopher, apparently too gurprtaMl

for grammar. "Of the baby's head, of cKMirse," I replied, tartly; " I merely wish to know li tae etuid is likely to be an intellectual as ybu hoped." "Isn't the hair lovely?" he naked, incensefluently. This was too much, and as suming my severest manner I deliv ered myseu in this wuhi: i thought, though no doubt I was wrong, that the use of a baby to you would be partly to furnUk you with raw material for n philosopher, partly to enable you by constant observation to gain further evidence bearing on such vexed questions as, whether the infant jcains its ideas of snace bv feelinir about. whether it is conscious of itself, etc." " Well," he said, laughing, "I don't expect much help from my infant in those matters, unless I can get inside her and think her thoughts.'-' " Her thoughts?" cried I, in amassment; "you don't moan to say it's a girl? Goodxracious! you are not going to educate a female philosophor?" He looked rather vexed. 44 Of courac it's a girl," he said. " The fatiipr of a female philosopher!" I gasped. "Dear mo!" said he, somewhat testily; "isn't it enough to be father of a noble woman?" Now I have ofteu put up with a great deal from my learned friend, and am quite aware that I have been spoken of as "Hozzy" behind my back. But Chore is a turniiig point even for the worm, and nobody' will sit forever at the feet which are oonstantly kicking him. I had been snubbed more than enough by the illogical parent, and assuming my most sarcastic manner, I inquired, with an appearance of deference "Is it not rather early to speak of your daughter as a noble womanr" I had kept aloof from the Philosopher lor some weeks, nursing my wrath, lnce Achilles, I said to myself cross as a bear, I ovorlieard my "landlady say in the passage when I rocciveda hasty note bogging me to come to him at once, I fancied myself summoned to a council of chiefs; so, having donned my shining armor, I left my tent with fitting dignity, and descended with a clang into the plain. Yet I could not but be aware of my landlady's eye piercing mn through the crack of the pniior door purposely loft ajar, and of tho hasty flapping of loose slippers which told of the startled slavey's night into the abyss below. An unusual silence held my 'friend's house that morning. The door was opened before I had time to ring by a meiancnoiy xootmaa, who, waiaing Defore mo with the elaborate delicacy of an Agag, noiselessly ushered me into tho study. It was my lot to be'again rooted to the spot with amavemont. By the bookcase, in a shaded corner of the room, with his head bowed low upon his liends, knelt the Philosopher. Here was a long step from the siege of Troy, from the simple wrath of tiie childlike hero to the most complex embarrassment of an heir of all the ajces. What should I do. The dismal menial had tied to the shades without a word, without even a glance into the room. If I retreated, I left my friend unaided and remained ignorant of the 'cause of his stranze conduct If I advanced, I was again the intruder on a scene not agony of hesitation I fell to brushing my hat with ray elbow; but not finding' the expected relief in the occupation, I was about to desist, when my hat decided what my head could'not, by falling with a crack on the floor. The effect was electrical. Without one glance at the intruder, the Philosopher made a grab at the nearest book shelf, dragged out a volume which had not been touched for half a century, and hunted for nothing in its pages with frantic eagerness. He was still at it, when I stoed over him and noted without wonder that he held the book upside down; then with the poorest imitation of surprise which 1 have ever seen, he rose and grasped my hand. "You found me on the track of something," ho said; "I was looking it out in in " Here it occurred to him that he did not know the name of the venerable tome which lie had so rudely disturbed, and with a heightened color and a sudden change of manner, he turned quickly to me and said, "My ohikl is ill." I felt positively guilty. 1 had been angry with that baby for making my wise friend foolish, for not being a boy, for being called a noble woman." Was it not shameful that a great hulking brute should sneer at a weak thing that could not even answer with a taunt? Were not ray clumsy sarcasms enough to cruali so delicate a plant? The poor little 44 noble woman" was in danger and I coukl do nothing to help her. There were tears in the eyes which were looking into mine for comfort, but I had nothing ready to pay. 44 1 could not stand being alone," lie muttered, after a short stlence; 44 the doctor is wjth her now, and in a moment I may hear that my little daughter must in fact, may hear the worst." While he was speaking, I seemed to have lifty consoling remarks to offer; but when lie 'stopped no one sentence would disengage itself from the rest. What I blurted out at last seems almost ridiculous as I look back on it. 41 Yon must hope for the best," I said; 44 you know she has youth on her side." The words were scarcely out of my month when I heard a measured step upon tle stairs; presently the door was opened bv the noiseless footman, and the most famous of London doctors entered the room. My friend leaned heavily on my arm, but looked at the man-of science with seeming: calm. " I am happy to say," said the pliysloian, cheerily, 44 that our little friend it going on as well as possible." " And she hi out of danger?" " $h never was im it."

" Never in danger?" eried I, almot diewe4tttd. " She has nothing the matter with her," he replied, "nut a alight fever ih eoid. I have seldom seen a Kner or more healthy oldld. Good morning. I never was more annoyed. Here wa a waste of my finest feelings. Here was I stirred to the depth, well-nigh moved to tears, hy a baby's fevemh cold. Of oourse I was very glad that it was ne worse; hut my friend was too absurd, and I would not sjmre him. " Won't you resume your studies?" I asked, ssrcastically, pointing to the dUturled book, which was lying on the ground at our feet. His humility might have disarmed me. "I am afraid I've been, a fool," he said; " but if you had seen her all Hushed and breathing hard; and then she la so small and fragile." "Yes, for a noble woman," I remarked. He received the dart meekly. "Philosopher," said I, suddenly, determined to rouse him at any cost, " when I entered this room you were engaged in prayer." His color certainly deepened. " May I ask," I inquired with an appearance of deference, " whether you were addressing yourself to the Personal First Cause, or to the Unknowable but perhaps Vou were merely bowing to tho rational order of the Universe?' He made a gesture of impatience, bat answered still with studied admiration. "I was alone and in trouble." "And the efficacy of prayer?" I asked. "For Heaven's sake," criod he, bursting into excitement, "stop your jargon! Nothing allows snch ignorance of a subject as having all its cant Ehrases on the tip of your tongue, an't I speak to God without expecting to be paid for it?" This was turning the tables. If he

was going to take to questions, I know I should end by admitting myself a fool. So to avoid a Socratic dialogue I put my hand on my friend's shoulder and said: " You are a good man. Philoso pher; may you and tite 4 noble woman1 live a thousand years." 44 Thank you," he said, simply; 44 and now you must let nre go and sing a pajan with the nobler woman, my patient Penelope, mv sweet wife." So he went with long strides over the asphodel meadow, and I took myself to my tent tun ox pieasaut titougtiia. IHackwooii n Magazine. MUMOKOUS. The weighs of the world Avoirdupois and Troy. Cincinnati Commercial There are not many centenarians, but there are dead loads of naryconti ans. Andre.-j's Queen.' Can a retired baggage-master be properly referred to as the company's I i- s l- ...!. tt..i- mi.. excueoKerr ivswcM irate oKy. Legislative bodies are never stag nant. There s always somebody to make a motion. licmton Adwtiter. The man who first invented sleep doesn't seem to have given babies then share of that useful article. Ckwam Ttwhhc. Caktet-smakinq times are near at hand. The hand-shaking season will come later when the candidates are out. N. 0. Piatyttne. A New xork circus tires a youni li lady out of a cannon for sport. Oi City hotels nre young men out oi uoors for not paying their ooaru. mrrtcK, Even in the hottest weather, a school ma'am always keeps school. Oil City JJernok. Even in the coldest weather, an old toper keeps sot. Detroit Free Press. The business card of a New York house announces that they manufacture 44 every requisite for commercial travelcm." We would like to see the whole sale price list for ckmk.Jrdgepert Standard, She had a pretty diploma tied with pink ribbon, from one of eur best young ladies' colleges. In conversation with a daring and courageous 3'oung man. after he had detailed the dangers and delights of riding on a locomotive, she completely upset his opinion of inde pendent education of the sexes by in ouirinr. 44 How do they steer locomo tives, anyhow?" Nm Haven Register, 44 Politics is all a humbugs. Dey told me all I had to do vas to bay oud some raonevs and I vould git ejected shust like a nodinks. But Yen I vent to the bolls, vot vou tink dat man at the bolls he told me? He shust told me Don't you getoxoited;' und I vasn't do nodinks, but shust talking to my friends dat I tought was agoing to vote for me. Und don he said again, 4 Ve 'don't vast no excitement round here to-dav:' 4 but vat I care for him? Nodinks. I shust talked und talked mit efreybodv. und tings vas gUtin' on buliv. llow'manv wotes you dink 1 got? Dree, shust dree, one in A Instinct and two in B Instinct, and one of dem was scratched. You ehust wait; if cfer I find de man who scratched my name off dat diektit I scratch him, you bet. Oh. ves. I vas beat" OminmU Gazette. Expense ef Living in Guny. The cost of Iking in Germany has advanced at a very rapid rate ekring the past ten years. An instance of tatt is found in tho average expenses of the ronnff men who attend tlie courses ol features at the Heidelberg University for their number is o largo and their nmiditioe so varied that they form fair index of tho Nation. In 1871 the i v. vearlv expenses of theae atu dents were but a trifle over 1160, whik in 1878 the average had increased to more than $310; that is, .it had doubled m seven years, and during the interval the gain had been an almost jMurtantly aweading one.

Mn, Fariian4eai at the

and the fact that the venerable damn ed a small boy by the hand oenHrmed the impf44ki that Mrs. Partington was mdeed in the assemblage. There was a momentary lull in the bu ef conversation, and the' party gathered around the new-comer, eager to shake her by the hand. "Blee me!" somL she, with a beaming smile, which played, over her face like sunshine over a lake; 'Miess me! hew salutary you are! just as vou ought to be at a time like this, when nothing harmonious shottM he allowed to disturb your hoetillities. You are very kind, I'm shore, and I ana glad to see you trying to enjoy yenrselves. We had no cfiHreh sootablee ht my young days, but we had huekm bees, and quiltin bees, and apple bees. and" "Bumble-bees." sold Ike, breaking in like a boy on- thin iee 'and though we had a good time, an sociable enough, goodness knows.when the red ears were found, they were nothing to the superfluity of this." There was a slight disturbance in the circle, as Ike in his restlessness plaeed us heel on a cireum jaccnt toe, but it wan stilled as the master of the ceremoniee came up to introduce the minister. Glad to see you, madam," said the minister. "I hope you may find the hour spent with us a happy one." "I know! shall, sir," replied she, "for lappinees depends very much on how we enjoy ourselves, and enough of anything always satisfies me. How could I enjoy myself in a scene of- such life aad animosity as this?" "Very true, madam." "And then the lights, blasinr ike consternation, and the music and flowers make itseera like Pharaoh land. The minister was called away, and the master of cormomes asked Mrs. P. if she would like "an ice," whloh she faintly heard. "A nice ?" she replied, looking at him and hanging o the long , as if it were the top bar ec a gate; "oh, vary." A rush, by the centestants in a game, here broke m between tbWu, the band gave a eraeh which seemed to start the roof, the mass of people waved to and fro, Ike started off with a new crony in quest of some suggested peanuts, and Mrs. Partington backed into a seat. She looked pleasantly upon the moving; spectacle through her own parabolas, l. xj . i . j . . a V a oer ungurs oeat iiiue to lire iirwsic, u her oliactories inhaled the breath ef flowers and the smell of coffee from am adjacent room, till she was becoming; loat," when she realised that a figure was standing before her, and a ueM spoon was being thrust into her right hand, it was the attentive manager. again; wkh an ice-cream which he inviieu uer to taae. "xou are very imrprising, sir," said she, smiling. "I wae unconscionable at the moment. Thank you, I will. I am very partially fond of ice-cream, and this' is manilla, tee, which is my favorite." She ate with a sense of enjoyment caught from the scene and went awav soon alter, ween. Ike had joknxl her, with plethoric poekets, bidding the manager convey s good night from her to the party, say ing sne had enjoyen a rent sociaem time. B. P. 8MlMer in Cmmbridwa Avenue. Whet Was feud In a akark's Xaw. Dr. Swax, the surgeon of the Va cific Mall steamship Coiima, which arrived in this port a few days ago front the isthmus, reports an incident oc tae trip worthy of mention. He states thai while the Coiima was lying at Aeajialeo, on the trip up, she anchored one day close to the steamship China. Some of the hands on the latter muted a noec and caught a shark of the man-eater variety about fifteen feet long. The siiark was puueu up and cut open, anei in the belly was found a human arm entire, iust as it had been torn by the de vouring monster from the shoulder. There were also fonnd in the maw ef the iriiark the heel and toes ef a haimaex foot. The remains had evidently beent swaUceved but a short time. The Mm was the left, and upon it were plainly visible the initials tatooed in India ink. " A. H. C." About ten days previews to the taking ef the shark a sailbr frona a British brig then lying in the harher. while under the influence oi liquor, fell overboard and was lost, it is suppose that the shark had been feeding npent the booy a short time -before his capture. San Jose Joe, the monster shark of San Jose de Guatemala, was recently seen by the Captain ef the China, This shark has for many years been the) terror of the ceast frona San Jose de Guatemala to Punta Arena. He nan been so frequently seen that he is ne. familiar to the mariners ef that coast as its most perilous headlands. He is saktto be over forty feet in length, and in extremely ferocious, human kind beinghis favorite prey. Captain Seahury, ef the China, is ready to swear to fortytwo feet and over, having onee seen Jest passing behind hie vessel, which is forty two feet in the beam, and the head and tail of the shark extended past either side of the vessel. The Captain of the South Carol tea and Captain, Whiteberrr bear testimony also to the shark's being over forty feet long. In me Mac iew yeans, "oe, as ne is known all along the eeaet, has devoured half a doaen men, ami some years aga the Guatemalan Government offered a reward of five hundred dollars to any one who wouhl kill the tkvouror. lie) has been shot a couple of times and har pooned thrice, hut survived these aanlt and still roams his old bauuta looking for hk favorite morceau. I M SM . rrftcM00 iffTvmete. It is said that in New Hampshire ii 'akee $174 worth of fenee to keep SIM worth of stoek from eating fHI wt grewiX arena. r