Jasper Republican, Volume 2, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 17 December 1875 — PROPOSALS. [ARTICLE]

PROPOSALS.

An Irish girl who was very anxious that her scatter-brained brother should not be refused by the' demure young Englishwoman with whom he bad fallen desperately in love implored him to toy to propose with the seriousness becoming the occasion. He vowed solemnly that he would behave as if he were acting as chief mourner at his father’s funeral- The demure young lady, in imitation of many of her countrywomen, graciously accepted her wild Irish lover. She, however, confided to her bosom friend that Edmund had proposed in rather an odd way. He had taken her after church to see thefamily vault, and had there, in a sepulchral voice, asked her if she would like to* lay her bones beside his bones. This he evidently thought was a proper way to fulfill the promise made to his sister of treating the matter with becoming seriousness. It was happily his first and last effort in that direction. There must be many hundred thousand proposals made annually in the United Kingdom, but, as the verb “ to love” seems to admit of endless conjugations, perhaps we Bhall have ceased proposing, except by filling up a printed form, before all its variations are exhausted. At the commencement of each

year the Registrar-General can foretell with tolerable"ftgciiracy how many of Her Majesty’s subjects will enter Into the bonds of holy matrimony before its conclusion. A more than usually-abundant harvest might increase the number beyond his calculations; or a war might depress them; but his average would not be very far astray. But what Registrar-General can tell the average number of proposals which are made each year, or how many rejections go to make one marriage ? Indeed it is by no means easy to define exactly what is and what is not to be called a proposal. When a man says to a girl with whom he has waltzed several times that if he becomes a Benedict he hopes his wife will exactly resemble her and dress precisely as she does, if the girl answers: “ You must ask papa,” there may reasonably be a difference of opinion as to whether the pretty speech can be twisted into a proposal or not. When, however, a shy man, having got his mother to plead his cause, says to the beloved one, with a tremulous gasp: “ Won’t you do the thing my mother asked you?” there is no doubt that, to all intents and purposes, he has asked her to be his wife.

Proposals do not necessarily precede marriage, any more than does marriage necessarily succeed a proposal, and many a servant-maid becomes a wife without the young man with whom she has kept company for so many alternate Sundays ever asking her in plain words. Much of the romance of love-making has, in fact, disappeared since the number of marrying men has become so small in comparison with the number of women who wish to become wives. A disagreeable fellow with twenty thousand a year may not be able to win the particular Duke’s daughter oh whom he has set Lis heart, but he will not be condemned to a bachelor existence because he cannot find plenty of pretty young ladies ready to accept his name and help him to spend his fortune. It is not uncommon to hear a mother detail to her friends how Mr. Longacres would, have proposed to dear May, but that really, owing to the most extraordinary complication of circumstances, he never got an opportunity; and that now he is married to a designing little fortunehunter, and is miserable. She tells how one day he got so far as to propound a riddle to May, which, if she had only been able to guess it, would have certainly led the way to a declaration of his affection. Indeed it really did amount to a proposal, for what could be more plain than saying: “My first is myself, my second is a plaything, my whole you are.” Of course if a woman is a man’s idol he wants to marry her. But poor May became so agitated by the way in which Mr. Longacres looked at her that, although she had heard the riddle before, and recollected its answer the moment he was gone, the opportunity was unfortunately gone also. Then the mother goes on to say that she is quite sure one of Violet’s lovers intended to come to the point in returning from the Derby, but he lost so many dozen pairs of gloves from having backed the favorite that he also lost his temper. He scarcely spoke to anyone the whole way home, although she had taken care to give him an excellent luncheon and the driest of champagne. The next week he was ordered abroad, so of course had only time to say a hurried good-by. Generally speaking, this idea of men not being able to find opportunities to tell their love is arrant nonsense. A man may sometimes not propose where he fears to be refused, but when he wishes for a Yes, and is pretty certain he will get it, the question does not remain unasked, no matter what the difficulties which have to be overcome. There is no place where the ardent lover, if such a being still : exists, cannot tell his tale. There are ne circumstances, serious or gay, which cannot be turned to good account by a skillful wooer. True, many men are neither ardent nor skillful, and contrive almost to insult a woman while paying her the highest compliment in their power. But others know exactly when and where to press their suit with success. A young parson traveling in Palestine, and asked to join a pleasant party, amongst whose numbers he found a notable heiress of passionate piety, did well to restrain the expression of the ardor of Ms affection until he found himself lying at her feet on the slopes of the Mount of Olives, looking toward Jerusalem. Scarcely any girl with a spark of religion or poetry in her composition could have said No to a white tie and a pair of handsome brown eyes under such well-chose© circumstances.

The officer whose leave had nearly expired without his having been able to bring a pretty little coquette to the point of acknowledging that she cared for him even a little wee bit was not unwise to take her, ostensibly for the purpose of sketching, to the top of the church tower, to lock the staircase door, put the key in his pocket, and vow that if she did not promise solemnly to marry Mm within a month he would throw himself off the parapet before her eyes, key and all. Of course he gained Ms. point, for he frightened her into tears, and then had things all his own way. 4 . ' u f, ' ’ More than one proposal has been made by underscoring the lines in the marriage service, “Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband,” and passing the book and pencil during the sermon to the adored one. It sometimes comes back with a faint but still visible stroke under “ I will.” It is curious how at least the semblance of religious feedings is apt to get mixed up with love-making; not of course to the absurd point of asking a blessing before each kiss, and returning thanks afterward, but a case of breach of promise scarcely ever comes to be tri&l that, when the letters of the defendant are read, they are not found crammed With prayers and texts. The piety was probably as real as the love, and both were genuine for the time being, and took wing together. A sort of revivalist religion seems somehow mysteriously allied to the tender passion, although truth-telling, which is supposed to be a Christian virtue, is a rare accompaniment. A great many recording angels could be kept fully employed in booking the fabrications, conscious or unconscious, with which a large proportion of proposals are embellished. But we will not try to bring a blush to the cheeks of those who remem, her their" misdeeds in this direction. It is often well even to act a little romance, if it gives pleasure and can be kept up. Although circumstances will not prevent a man who is earnest, and who has every reason to expect "a favorable reply, from trying his luck, still circumstances are the cause of many a proposal. Upon some trivial event, scarcely noticed at the time, has often turned the happiness or misery of many more people than the pair immediately concerned. An elderly man who is ridiculously fond of children has, for some reason, been prevented from marrying. He travels, by chance, with a charming little boy and girl, and thinks what he would hot give to he able to cariy them home with him. He looks at the mother of the children, whom he has scarcely before noticed; she has a mysterious little white cap inside her bonnet, which proclaims that she is a widow, but not a very recent one. He brightens up; it is like a fairy tale ; they find they have “ mutual friends;” he proposes as soup as he decently can, but is wise enough to say nothing about the children, except that he hopes to make a good parent. JJe vows, like everyone else, that this is the first time he was ever really in love, and that he fell a victim the moment he looked at her. A gentleman once confided to an old friend, who asked him to tell “ all about his marriage,” that the wife of his bosom had attained that enviable position simply by choosing at a supper-table blancmange instead of whipped cream. He had paid the girl such marked attention on several occasions that he felt she was warranted in expecting him to ask her to many him. He had no desire to have her for a wife, hut he resolved, while dancing with her at a ball, that she should become the unconscious arbiter of her own fatein fact that he would toss with her in dishes instead of half-crowns. If she had said whipped cream, he would have withdrawn from her acquaintance with a peaceful conscience, and never have thought of her again, except to congratulate himself on his escape.

If an old bachelor has been staying at a country house where there is a very pretty governess to whom he has been courteous and kind—if, having said good-by to her in her lonely school-room, he should discover when he got down-stairs that he had left his gloves on her table, and, hurrying back for them, find her in a confused mass amongst the sofa-cushions, sobbing convulsively—he must in common decency ask her what is the matter, even insist on knowing. If she replies that her tears flow because she has no home, what alternative has he but to try to comfort her, lose his train and ask her to share his home, even if that be only lodgings? Everyone knows numberless instances where a broken hope or even a sick head' ache has lead to a proposal, and shipwrecks and railway accidents are sometimes excellent match-makers. It is said that during the London season this year there were singularly few proposals. Perhaps it was the prevalence of east wind. Perhaps it was that the gentlemen were so hurried about from pigeon-matches to Lord’s, and from Prince’s to Richmond, that they had no time to think of such things. However, the average seems to have been made up according to natural laws afterward, if one may judge by the number of fashionable marriages which have taken place during the autumn, and there are several still to come off. A newspaper with exceeding had taste takes upon itself to assert what namber of proposals one of these brides elect has received. We need not ask if the old etiquette that a lady does not publish her rejections has, with other good things, gone out of fashion; for of coarse it was only the penny-a-liner’s inventive impertinence.—London. Saturday Review. A Sr. Lotus “pauper” died the other day and was buried. Then they found out that he had taken his dost to dust with him, to &e extent of about S7OO.