Jasper Republican, Volume 2, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 October 1875 — ITEMS OF INTEREST. [ARTICLE]

ITEMS OF INTEREST.

Do tea roses grow on tea grounds? “ Come where my nose lies bleeding,” is the title of a new ditty, It is played on a catarrh. — Danbury News. Gen. Spinner, estimates that there are 2,000,000 lead nickels in circulation, and so if you get one you needn’t feel flattered about it. ’ No w|>man with American blood coursing through her veins will ever give up her washwoman on her day to Oblige a neighbor. There is something capricious about a boy’s memory; He cannot tell you how he tore his jacket five minutes after the accident. The front-gate season is at its high noon, and messages between the young and romantic are nightly stamped by private posts.• It would be a most happy arrangement in many cases if, when one person is tied to another for life, both of them could be tongue-tied. A man in Phoenix was badly injured last Saturday by a spider—it was an iron one and his. wife had hold of the handle.— Fulton Times. * Connecticut turns out a cucumber five feet long, but they’ve got to cut it in two to pickle it, and that’s soothing sirup for the rest of us. It is a vexing thought to most men that a collar-box Occupies a little more space than any pocket that ever was made for an honest man, It is hard to tell which will bring the most pleasant expression into a. woman’s face—to tell her that her baby is heavy or her bread light Let us rejoice that the direct cable has been put in repair again. Jfhe.mermaids once more have conveniences for performing gymnastics. An English philosopher comes forward and remarks that the earth is 2,253,541 years old. None of us were there and we can’t knock* aTsingle year off. A Chicago woman says of sleeping-cars: “ It’s so nice for one to lie there and wonder where the smash-up will take place and how many-will be killed.” When San Francisco elects a Superintendent of Police he is given a triumphal ride in a carriage. When he goes out of office he is given a ride on a rail.

The hard times have made gravestones so cheap in Vermont that thrifty people there are dying off rapidly, just to take advantage of the bargains offered. No one but a close observer of human nature has noticed that lovers always bite he top of the gate pickets as they stand to say a few words more before separating. Mrs. Williams, of New Jersey, a widow woman, works a farm of 132 acres on shares, and when she says “ haw!” to the steers they come around with their tails standing out straight. Many offenses may be forgiven; but that charity is an unknown quantity in this world which can wink at the act of the man, or at the man himself, who says pyanner and pyazzer. A conscientious farmer in Lewiston, Me., wiped the mud from his cart wheels before permitting his load' of hay to go on the scales to be weighed. But such men are never sent to the State Legislature. Canada is not going to stick to Friday as hangman’s day any more, but will swing a murderer off most any day that he wants to go. This disposition to oblige a man is commendable. They even tolerate such a brief-named

man as Frank Tubb near Schoodywobskooksis Lake, in Maine. Frankly speaking, the bchoodywobskooksisians ought Tubb be ashamed of themselves. The American family shot-gun, *fctandinsdfrthe corner of the bed-room, hasn’t slain quite its average number during the last month, but among its victims have been some very promising children. It is understood that Mrs. Sheridan has gone so far as to refuse Philip the selection of his own neckties; and .it seems to us that when tyranny reaches thus far it is time for war.— . Rochester Democrat. Miss Hulett, the Chicago lawyer, refuses to have anything to do with divorce cases. She says that “ any woman who will marry a man ought to be forced to live with him.” There seems to be philosophy there somewhere. There is one Canada Custom-House official who doesn’t imagine that the Weight of the whole government rests on his shoulders, but he was dying at last accounts and didn’t want his name njentioned;

The Danbury News isn’t a dead journal yet by any means, but continues at intervals to hit the nail on the, head with astonishing force and precision. It says: “ What this country really needs is a good five-cent cigar.” The seven stars comprising the big dipper shine with noticeable brilliancy these nights, which reminds the Austin Reveille of the Piute’s idea of the dipper. Pointing to the first star of those which form the handle he said: “ One big Piute Captain, him. One, two, three, four, five, six squaw, fflm;” meaning that the firstnamed star is a big Indian brave and the other six his squaws. “Whoa, I tell ye!”. This is what a farmer said to his oxen as he stopped to talk with a man on the Dodgetown road yesterday morning. The animals were frisky, for oxen, and started again. “Whoa, I tell ye!” repeated the driver. He had but uttered the words when some one in a carriage driving past reined in and remarked: “My dear sir, do you know that you are wasting the Queen’s English? It is not necessary that you should say more than the word 4 Whoa!’ to those oxen. You are entirely ungrammatical if you are superfluous, and you are superfluous if you employ so many words.” The man in. the carriage was Richard Grant Nh\te.—J)anbury News.