Jasper Republican, Volume 1, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 June 1875 — REMINGTON SHORTS. [ARTICLE]

REMINGTON SHORTS.

BY HUNKS.

Abdallah proved to be too much of a draft on the lumber yard, so Butler sold him for the pitiful sum of $1,796.00. The Babb House and Dr. D. H. Patton’s residence are eaeh g new clothes in the shape of fresh coats of paint, “Egyptian”'wants to know how many jumps Al. J. Kitt takes to jump seventeen feet. How do I know ? That is a queston of his own asking. Now comes Charlie Hartley in the wake of the other millionaires of this town and sports a fine new top buggy and a thorough-bred fitare to make the wheels spiu. Frank Morgan has had his jewelry room repainted, and is going to order a large stock of eight-day clocks to be used in timing the trotting horses now traing here. Ohio street is the banner street of the town, nearly all the nice residences, both completed and under weigh, are Bituated upon it. There seems to be, however, a disposition for Illinois street to brace in and take the belt. Did it take two Good Templars to bring forth that weighty effusion in the Republican of May 21st? .JEsop says, “The mountain labored and brought forth a—mouse” Yea, verily Bo it remembered that Hunks sleeps the sleep of the virtuous and his slumbers are not disturbed by either “an uneasy conscience, Hood’s jack-rabit or the Good Templars.” Hoods jackass didn’t get mad.about what Hunks said, why should those “Two Good Templars” get their backs up and tnrn their bristles the wrong way. Hunks “ought to identify himself with the Good Templars” and thus show that he is a good temperance man. Certainly; yes; by all means. It is indisputable evidence that a man is a teetotaler if he only joins the Good Templars. (Witness the teetotalism of all good templars). Hunks is requested to' remember the “old proverb of stones and glass houses.” “Two Good Templars”know how it is themselves ; they conclude by saying “we are all poor miserable critters.” Hunks says AMEN 1