Jasper Republican, Volume 1, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 May 1875 — ITEMS OF INTEREST. [ARTICLE]

ITEMS OF INTEREST.

Am open letter: O. Eably retiring will shorten one’s days. - • hj » Whisky is now accused of sinking the Schiller. ’ It is said that there is twice as much nutriment in a pound of mutton as in a pound of salt pork. The approved glove for street wear has three buttons, with simple stitching on the back of the same shade as the glove. A supercilious attention to minute formalities is a certain indication of a little mind conscious of the want of innate dignity. .1 ' Being asked what made him so dirty, an unwashed street Arab’s reply was: “ I was made, as they tell me, of dust, and I suppose it works out.” How blessed is the son of woman born Who never felt the sting of corn, Or smarted like ten thousand onions .. With blistering bands of blasted bunions. We should so live and labor that what came to us as seed may go to the next generation as blossoms, and what came to us as blossoms may go to them as fruit. The national “sass,” Kan-sas; the national pie, Mississip-pi; the national hatchway, all those States possessed by the grasshoppers; the worst card in the pack, Ten-ace-see? A single queen bee will produce 100,000 bees in a season; the 100,000 bees will produce 50,000 swollen heels and the sale of twenty-two barrels of arnica.— Wet tern Statistician. Ladies’ dresses are now made so narrow in Paris that it is almost impossible to raise the skirts, and an ingenious modiste there has issued instructions to her customers how to accomplish this feat. The general raking up of old things, incidental to the centennious epidemic, has brought to light the fact that Wash?; ington was not a large man, and that he wore immense boots. , < “Who is. that a statue of?” asked a lady of her husband, pointing to an “Apollo.” “The Apollo Belvidere.’’ “Law! how affectionate you are, my love! And now, darling, who was. Apollo Belvy?” An explanation on pronuncia-, tion followed. w “Now, my son,” said a'Brooklyn father, “ take this castor oil, or out you go through the window.” “ 800-hoo-hoo,” said the little man, after applying the point of the spoon for a moment to his lips. “Me can’t take it, papa. Fo me out de winner.” In Nevada napkins are use d at table, but when they have eggs for dinner the mother remarks: “Now, Bill, you*an* the rest just stick to yer sieeVes and let the edge of the table-cloth alone, like yer belonged to decent society, or I’ll baste the pelts off your backs.” “ Old Tig,” owned by Mrs. Susan Wil son, of East Wiliiiot, N. H., is a wonderfill horse. He is known-to be thirty years old, is perfectly sound, has the appearance and vigor of a colt, does all the work on a good farm, and last fall trotted a mile on a track in 3:46. By declining to eat things that you want because they are unhealthy, by going to bed early when you want to sit up, and by making your life wretched In a thousand ways you have a chance of living to a ripe old age, if that is any satisfaction to you.— Exchange. Charles Britton, of Pennsylvania, shot himself because he had the dyspepsia. What would he have done to him- e self if he had had the toothache, or a boil * on the back of his neck, or a hole in the elbow of his coat, or a button out of bis shirt, or any other great affliction? Ethan Allen said to the commander of Ticonderoga: “Get up, you wjdteUvered scoundrel!” but the historian has thought proper to make him remark: “Arise, my respected friend, and surrender this establishment as soon as you conveniently can.”— Rochetter Democrat.

“ That ar’ patch of ground’s mem’rible,” said an Omaha man, pointing to a grave all by itself outside the town. “ I reckin you’ll know that, stranger, when you see it agin. The ockypant of that was the furst man Horrus Greeley ever told to git West—likewise he was hung for stealin’ a mewl.’’ A fellow in Kentucky ran away with a farmer’s daughter and horse and was hotly pursued. The farmer go’t within close range and flourished a revolver. “Don’t shoot, for Heaven’s sake I” shouted the lover. “ I won’t,” was the reply, “cause I’m afeared I’ll hit ther boss. Just leave ther boss and take ther gal.” That compromise was accepted by the young folks, who walked on to a preacher’s house, and the father rode home on his horse. * , A subscription-book concern’s printed instructions to its agents contain the following, which may be interesting to buyers as well as sellers: “Always secure the most influential men first. Never fail to do this, as your success depends wholly upon it If in no other way, get them conditionally—i. e., have them sign your canvassing book, even if on condition that they may take the book or not when you come to deliver it. The getting of leading names is the great turning point of success in canvassing. The influence of example is of incalculable advantage to the canvasser. If any of these leading people are unable to buy or assist as a helper, then ask for their names to head your list for the sake of their influence; the condition being that they are at liberty to take the book or not when you bring it. The object is to get their names to bead the list, a d having thus got well started the thing will go like an epidemic.”