Jasper Republican, Volume 1, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 April 1875 — Agriculture Under Difficulties. [ARTICLE]

Agriculture Under Difficulties.

You are aware that the Agricultural Department at Washington is in the habit of distributing seeds to those tillers of the soil who happen to want them. Last spring my Congressman sent me a large package of choice assorted garden seeds, br >ught by the department from California. There were more than I wanted, so I gave a' lot of sugar beet and onion seed to Cooley, my next-door neighbor on the right, and some turnip and raddish seeds to Pitman, my neighbor on the left. Then I planted the rest—turnip, cabbage, celery and beet seed—-in my own garden. When the plants began to come up I thought they looked kind of queer, but I waited until they grew larger, and then, as I felt certain something was wrong, I sent for a professional gardener, as I don’t know much about such things myself. “Mr. Hoops,” I said, “cast your eye over those turnips and tell me what you think is the matter with them.” “Turnip 1” exclaimed Hoops. “Turnip ! Why, bless your soul, man, that's not turnip. That’s nothin’ but pokeberry. You’ve got enough pokeberry in that bed to last a million years.”

“ Well, Mr. Hoops, come over hereto this bed. Now how does that celery strike you? The munificent Federal Government is spreading that celery all over this land of the free. Great, isn’t it?” “Well, well!” said Hoops, “and they Shoved that off on you for celery, did they? Too bad! It’s nothing on earth but pokeberry. That is the California kind. The deadliest pokeberry that was ever invented.” “Are you sure you’re not mistaken, Mr. Hoops ? But you haven’t seen my beets there in the adjoining bed. The seed of those beets were sent from Honolulu by our Consul there. He reports that the variety attains gigantic size.” “Really, now,” said Hoops, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but to be fair and square with you, as between man 'and man, them’s no beets, you know. Them’s the Mexican pokeberry. I pledge you my word, it’s the awfulest variety of that plant that grows. It’ll stay in this yer garden forever. You’ll never get rid of it.”

.“ This seems a little rough, Mr. Hoops, but I’d like you to inspect my cabbages. They’re all right, I know. The Commissioner of Agriculture got the seed from Borneo. They are the curly variety, I think. You boil them with pork, and they cut down beautifully for slaw. Look at those plants, will you? Ain’t they splendid?” “Mr. Adeler,”said Hoops, Ml’ve got some bad news to break to you, but I hope you’ll stand it like a man. These afflictions come to all of us in this life, sir. They are meant for our good. But, really, sir, there’s no Borneo cabbages! Cabbages! Why, man, them’s merely a mixture of California and Mexican pokeberry with the ordinary kind, and a little Osage orange sprinkled through. It’s awful, sir! Why, you’ve got about two acres of pokeberry and not a blessed bit of cabbage or turnips among them.” “ Mr. Hoops, this is terrible news! And do you know I gave a lot of those seeds to Cooley and Pitman!” “ I know you did, and I seen Mr. Cooley this morning with a shot-gun, goin’ ’round askin’ people if they knew where he could find you.” “ Find me! what do you mean?” “ Well, sir, that there onion seed you gave him was really the seed of the silver-maple tree, and it’s growed up so thick all over hi* garden that a cat can’t crawl through it. There’s about 40,000,000 shoots and suckers in that garden, and they’ll have to be cut out with a hand-saw. It’ll take a year to do it.” “ You appall me, Hoops!” “ And that’s not the worst of it! Them roots is so matted and interlocked jest beneath the surface that you can’t make any impression on ’em with a pickax. That garden of Cooley’s is ruined, entirely ruined, sir. You might blast them roots with gunpowder and it wouldn’t make no difference. And them suckers will grow faster than they’re cut down. He’ll have to sell the property, sir.” “And the Commissioner of Agriculture said that was onion seed! Why didn’t Cooley hunt him with a shot-gun?” “ Yes, sir, and Judge Pitman’s got pokeberry and silver maple growin’ all over his plfte, too, and he’s as mad as—well, you just ought to hear him snortin’ around town. He’ll kill somebody, I’m afeared.” Subsequently I settled with Cooley and Pitman; but oughtn’t something to be done with that Agricultural Department ? It will break up farming in this country if it is allowed to continue.— Maa Adder.