Jasper Republican, Volume 1, Number 29, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 April 1875 — CURRENT ITEMS. [ARTICLE]

CURRENT ITEMS.

Spring vegetables cannot be expected yet, but it is almost getting time for bonnet bills. - - --'mm But for sweet faces, sweet smiles and sweet songs, there would be no heaven on earth. It comports with the eternal fitness of things that a drunkard should speak in gutters! tones. It appears on the authority of the statisticians that one of woman’s rights is to live longer than man. A BABY with twenty-eight toes has been born in Stockton, Mo. What a character for corns he will be! Shobmakebs complain that the times are so hard they can scarcely keep sole and upper together. A Troy printer has five wives that the officers know of, and they suspect the existence of three or four more. An eccentric woman in New York has established “ a home for indigent cats,” where she feeds about eighty. Another way to dispense with cemeteries without cremation—-Take all the newly-invented pills and don’t die. Good authority says that there are but eighteen words in English which came to us from the language of the ancient Britons. From all recent accounts of life in Florida, the abbreviation Fla. would be more significant with the insertion of the vowel E. After Jan. 1, 1879, all obligations payable in New York State in dollars must be met with dollars —gold dollars and nothing else. “ What a shame that I should be starving !” exclaimed a poor corset-maker out of work—“l that have stayed the stomachs of hundreds.” It is said Egypt is the home of the fragrant onion. There is this about the onion—you can always tell where it is.— New York Mail. A law forbidding the payment of different salaries in the public schools on account of sex has Just passed the Legislature of California. At a funeral at Madison, Me., lately, the man who was buried was placed beside two of his dead wives, while *wi> living ones attended the funeral. Southampton, Mass., has only three cents in the treasury, but then the town has no debt and the three cents is so much ahead. Three hundred years have passed since Lucrezia Borgia lived, and now they are trying to make her out a kind and gentle woman, a sort of third-class angel. A lazy school-boy who spelled Andrew Jackson “&ru Jaxon” has been equaled by a student who marked the first of a half-dozen shirts “John Johnson” and the rest “ do.” Dxo Lewis says that a man could live ten years on raw apples, but alter the seventh or eighth year it is believed that the patient would want a rutabaga or a Hubbard squash to break in on the monotony.

“ No, sib,” said a wefiry-looking man on a street-car to an individual by his side, “ I wouldn’t marry the best woman alive. I’ve been a dry goods clerk too long for that.” The parents of a young lady hired her to take cod liver oil, giving her sl. Lizzie—for that was her name—contributed the money thus obtained to the grasshopper sufferers. If she don’t get a long mark on the credit side we are mistaken. —Toledo Blade. “ What becomes of all the pins?” — Ex. If the writer of that will move around the house in his stocking feet after a day of dressmaking he will get more real valuable information on the subject than all the books in the world can give him. During the last four years and a half Gaul has averaged one and one-third Cabinet Ministers per month —total, 66. The average is on the increase, moreover. “ Too many cooks spoil the broth,” says the proverb; and the real trouble with France is that she has always had too many. People should eat to live, not live to eat. A New Yorker visiting this city remarks that the philosophic thought of Boston is common even among the streetcar conductors. He instances the conductor, who, on ringing the bell, the other evening, at a dark side street and being rewarded for stopping his car by presently seeing a fat woman struggle up out of the impenetrable night, remarked as he started the car again: ‘I, had an intuitive perception that she was coming out there.”—.Boston Transcript. A story is told of one Busby and Mrs. Busby, of Trenton, N. J., celebrating their iron wedding. They made a feast and invited one hundred and twenty guests. The first three or four guests that arrived all brought flat-irons. The coincidence was laughable, and all laughed. But when the next eight or ten brought flatirons and looked jolly over them Mrs. Busby grew sick of the ironing business, and Busby got mad. He began to scent a preconcerted ironical joke, and his bosom was ruffled by the irony of his best friends. Long before the next hundred guests had come, all lugging flatirons, Mrs. Busby was laid out on a sofa, and Busby had gone to bed drunk. The only variations in the present were, one friend brought a flat-iron holder, and another, from Philadelphia, contributed a cow-bell. Busby’s suspicions were incorrect. It was no trick at all, except of universal human nature. The whole proceeding was natural. The fact was that Trenton had a large overstock of flat-irons and sold them at seductively low rates —almost gave them away. Everybody had to do something and everybody invested in flat-irons because they were dirt cheap. The proceeds oi that iron wedding were 218 flat-irons, ont holder and a cow-bell. Busby and wife have resolved not to celebrate their, silver wedding at all, at least not publicly. —St. Louis Republican.