Jasper Republican, Volume 1, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 November 1874 — The Crow. [ARTICLE]

The Crow.

The crow, phisikally considered, is about the size ov two wild pigeons, and iz az blak and brilliant az a piece ov pattent leather. They are az cunning az a tombs lawyer, and just az mutch a ded beat. Yu kant ketch one in a trap, and they will smell a gun, that ain’t even loaded, klear akrost a 200 aker farm. Morally konsidered, the crow haz a reputashun that iz badly out ov repair, but for the korn and other cereals they steal they make amends by the awful they consume. Departed horse, extinkt sheep, ded cow and destroyed pig are amung the awful that the crow are sweet upon, and save the undertakers menny a poor job. Yung crow are handy to tame and edukate, but after yu hav got him thoroly cdukated it will take two smart constables to keep him out ov mischief. They will steal just for the excitement ov the thing. I hav known them to steal an old horse shu, that want worth enny thing, and lug it away down to the lower end ov the garden. A tame crow and a tame injun may be a moral triumph on the face ov it, but when yu cum to examine the other side ov it yu will find yu have drawed a blank. If all the crows and injuns in the world were tame and edukated yu could bid farewell to all other employments, and spend all yure time and talents watching and studdying the kussid kritters. It iz a grate mistake to meddle with instinkts ov enny kind, yu kant eradikate them, and yu kant improve them without making them wuss. Enny learned or litterary fellow will tell yu this, if yu ask him politely. Crows assemble in the fall ov the year, ten thousands ov them in council, and appoint their officers and deakons for the following year. At this grate caukuss rezolushuns are passed cussing the farmers up-hill and down for putting up skare-crows in the korn-fields, plans are laid for future stealing, and, each crow swopping wives with another crow, the grand convenshun bursts and the crows fly away.— Josh Billings, in N. Y. Weekly.