Jewish Post, Indianapolis, Marion County, 22 January 2003 — Page 19

January 22. 2003 NAT 7 It’s Arlene Peck! Advice By Edlin It’S dll about envy Be supportive, not judgmental

By ARLENE BECK I remember Rodney King, after the South Central LA riots, saying, "Can't we just all get along?" I've thought about

that and have come to a conclusion: No, we can't all get along. It's great to have the attitude of "love thy neighbor" and "war isn't the answer." However, when there are those whose sole existence is based on your destruction, the attitude better be one of a strong defense rather than turning the other cheek. Unfortunately, somehow the reasons behind acting out that defense seem to be getting lost in the phraseology of the media. The tirade against Israel is so consistent and uniform in the style of reporting that sometimes I just have to wonder if there are more than a few of these "journalists" who coincidentally are on the payroll of the Arabs. 1 can't help but wonder who instructed them not to use the word terrorists when it comes to the Arab/Israeli conflict. Where did they pick up the catchy term "martyrdom" to describe these mass murderers? Who has instructed them to describe terror groups such as Hamas as "freedom fighters." When they strike Americans they are terrorists. Why the one-edged sword? Whenever the cry for journalist accountability goes out, the defense of free speech is raised. I've yet to read any of their reports which mirror the continued polls of the Palestinians that show that 81 percent of them support continued violence. They speak of the "cycle of violence" each time an Israeli is killed. Yet, I rarely see any defense that Israelis, who are defending their citizens just like any democratic government, are justified in their actions. When Israel finds it necessary to retaliate against a particularly violent terrorist attack of its citizens, somehow the reason for the provocation is

relegated to the back section of the newspaper-usually under the heading about the cycle of violence. I keep waiting for Peter Jennings, BBC, CNN, and even

lately, FOX to refer to these terrorists as terrorists. They are not militants. Terrorists are the ones who sneak up on unsuspecting innocents, such as patrons in a coffee shop or disco or even students praying in class, and shoot them. Despite the reporting, there is no moral equivalency. The code word for "resistance" is to clothe murderous activities in a semblance of legitimacy. How about the keyword, "struggle for independence"? I wonder what they could mean? Tine Arabs are clever though, because by phrasing their actions like that, Americans tend to become confused and compare it with their own War of Independence. The two couldn't be more different. There are no legitimate aspirations of the Palestinian people. Their sole goal is to kill Jews. If they ever accomplished that, they could then move on to the Christian people, who they also consider an abomination. Like I said, phraseology. Josef Goebbels, who was Hitler's minister of propaganda, once said, "If you tell a lie enough times, it becomes the truth." The world media repeats the lie of calling the Jewish settlements "occupied territory," which allegedly is an obstacle to peace. Israel didn't just appear, as I was told by the Egyptians when viewing the pyramids. They said, "they appeared one day out of nowhere." The same for making Judea and Samaria bloom. It took a lot of hard work and brilliant engineering. There are no territo-

ries, only survival. While the I.A Times Tracy Wilkinson continues her almost daily attacks on the Jewish state with her columns on the "Life draining from towns

in West Bank," 1 find it amazing that in almost every column she writes, Tracy somehow manages to glamorize the terrorist and sends a plea for compassion to his suffering family. The LA Times will devote two pages to the olive trees, which were cut down from the "freedom fighter's" family orchard. Yet, there is absolutely no empathy with the Jewish side of the story. The terrorists win their propaganda fight. And while they garner the front-page sympathy columns about how their cities are suffering because of the actions of a few, the mothers of Yeshiva students bury their children. It's not a militant attack, but yet another terrorist attack, damn it! Terrorist attack! While she writes two-page columns about how "The Palestinian children don't have enough to eat, and signs of malnutrition have crept into a population that was once relatively liealthy," I want to scream out, "These people who are so obsessed with the complete and utter destruction of Israel have chosen this path by their evil and mindless bombings. Now, they find that they have no one but themselves to blame for the situation they now find themselves in." As a journalist, I know how easy it is to change a news column by a phrase here or a nuance there. It's the job of the press to report the news, not to make it. Yet, watching the media coverage when it comes to Continued on page 14

By RITA EDLIN k?-' Of all the problems in this world, this is one I never thought I'd have to face. I have a very close friend whose 28-i/ear-old son has AIDS. She's been stranged/

distant the past few months, even though Tin her closest friend. She’s been spending lots of time with jeff, who has been in and out of the hospital. I just heard he's back in the hospital. Linda is always "too busi/" to talk when I call. I've known Jeff since he was born, but he seems to have closed me out, too. I always suspected he was gap, but neither he nor Undo ever talked about it. I'd like to visit leff in the hospital, but Tin not sure I'd be welcome. I've sent cards and notes to him and Linda, asking what I can do, but they don't answer, f rankly, I miss Linda, ami I think she may need a shoulder to cry on. Tin worried about leff, too. I le's a wonderful young man, even though he's "different." It would be a great loss if ani/thiug happened to him. Is it possible that he'll recoz’er? What can I do to help? A: I wish 1 had an easy answer. AIDS is different from other diseases because it's associated with drug use or sexual behavior. Its course is usually very painful and extremely debilitating, and there is no cure, yet, although life can be prolonged through the use of drugs. It is fatal. Sometimes persons living with AIDS (PLWAs) suffer for as long as six years, in and out of the hospital. Others may not survive more than a year. Still others are infected with other diseases which their immune systems cannot fight off effectively - even with drugs. The task for those who care is to make PLWAs feel as loved and valued as possible, for as long as they live. You may suspect that Jeff is gay, but did you know that heterosexual people too can become infected with AIDS? Hospital personnel are also at risk and must guard against contamination from blood or needles used by those who are infected. Infants born to AIDSinfected mothers may also

contract the disease. Is it important how Jeff became infected? To those who love him, the important thing is that he is living with an incurable disease and needs all the support he can get. Attitudes toward PLWAs range from those who say "they got what they deserved" to those who feel sorry and pity them, but prefer to stay away, out of fear, embarrassment, or confusion. There are very few who feel genuine compassion and want to help. It sounds as if you are one of those few. And I'd say that both Linda and Jeff are lucky to have you. But they might be ashamed or unsure, knowing how the rest of the world feels. And they might be angry too. So your task is to express your concern without being judgmental or putting on a false, overly optimistic face. Aside from the stigma attached to AIDS, there is great fear of contagion. Some people who visit AIDS patients may be reluctant to touch them. Even hospital attendants, despite their teaching, treat AIDS patients differently. And that doesn't go unnoticed bv the patients and their families. No wonder they often pull away from people, despite their need for affection. Many PLWAs are filled with rage. And that makes it even more difficult for friends to express their concern and love. Ask yourself what you would do if Jeff had a different kind of incurable disease. Would you drop in during visiting hours, even if you hadn't been invited? If so, could you try that? Be prepared to let him set the tone, and don't urge him to talk if he's not ready. Remember, your presence expresses your concern fot his health - not his sexuality. Part of being supportive is allowing the other person to talk, whine, or fume, be outraged, sarcastic - or - remain silent, if that's what he needs. If he gives the slightest indication that he welcomed your visit, let him know you'll come back. And do just that, often, with a book, his favorite food, old photos, or a tape recorder and music that he likes. Try to make his days as pleasant as you can, and take your cues from what you know about him and what he enjoys. Above all, don't pity Continued on page 14

The terrorists win their propaganda fight. And white they garner the front-page sympathy columns about how their cities are suffering because of the actions of a few, the mothers of Yeshiva students bury their children. It's not a militant attack, but yet another terrorist attack, damn it! Terrorist attack!