Jewish Post, Indianapolis, Marion County, 3 August 1979 — Page 8

Jewish Post and Opini

In Atlanta

Dr. Rose N. Franzblau

But Then You Were Only A Tourist!

Boy And Girl Twins Extra Problem

Peck

By ARLENE G. PECK I have debated long and hard whether or not to write

this article. Since my recent return from Israel which was sponsored by the Aliyah department, my attitude on everything Israeli has been

on an all-time high. The last thing that I would want to do would be to generate any negative feelings as to aliyah to Israel by Americans who read this paper. However, I recently received a letter from a New American immigrant that paints the “other side” of the picture and, in good conscience I feel that this must be relayed to you also. DR. RICHARD INWOOD and his wife Sandy arrived in Israel two years ago from America because they had a love for Israel and they wanted to instill the same Zionistic fervor in their young children. He came to Israel with superlative credentials in neonatalogy. They are the type couple that Israel needs to make it even greater. However, by the time that we met, much of the dreams that they arrived with have been washed ovef with cynicism. They appear to be at the point that so many other American olim (new settlers) reach when they decide to return

home.

According to them, moving to Israel from the United States appeared to be an easier adventure than moving within the United States. Loans were automatically offered to help finance airline flights and shipment of all household utensils. Temporary living quarters in absorption centers equipped with kitchen utensils, bedding and modest furniture awaits the tired immigrant upon arrival. All the fears and worries of finding permanent housing and a job are allayed by attending a five-month ulpan program which can be extended if no success is achieved in the most critical areas of absorption. MOST PROBLEMS of al> sorption begin at this point. The head of the household may or may not find a job easily enough, but apartments, in general, are in short supply. The few that are available, most often do not meet the minimum needs of a young growing family who are not even seeking to replace what they had in the states. These apartments are expensive and very small. They do not come with built-in closets, many lack bathtubs and none have storage space. A similar apartment on the private market in Jerusalem sells for $100,000!

Even more discouraging is that 50% of this price must be put down in cash. Keep in mind that the Israeli Sabra doesn't even get the housing and tax benefits that are available to the settlers. When considering that most young Americans come with approximately $10,000 to $15,000, it becomes apparent why many of these young families either find themselves in great financial debt and/or deeply frustrated by their inability to survive economically and regretfully pack up and leave. The exact percentage of those Americans w'ho return to the states is not known but it is estimated to be between 4050%. Many simply cannot “hack it”. Couples such as the Inwoods arrive with the memory fresh in their minds of the conveniences that w r ere taken for granted, in America and cannot adjust to living in a development towm*- with no phone, mail.delivery twice a week and a tiny apartment. PHILIP KLUTZ NICK, president of the World Jewish Congress, quite mistakenly claims that absorbing olim is not a problem, but rather attracting them is the issue. It is thinking like this, that in effect., causes the failure of most aliyah from the United States. As I mentioned in an earlier article, very little aid is given to help settle Americans in Israel. And, although it’s true, that attracting these American settlers in Israel has always been a problem, the failure to establish the needed living conditions for those olim already there gives warning to all those contemplating aliyah. What is the answer to the situation? A situation that has become so critical in Israel in respect to housing, inflation, and bureaucracy that major figures in Western aliyah organizations have threatened to advocate postponement of voluntary aliyah. The national president of the Association of Americans and Canadians in Israel (AACI) has stated that they will advise potential olim to postpone their aliyah for three to five years until more flats are available, or, until they can save more money abroad. The immigrant associations feel neglected by government ministers, especially Absorption and Housing Minister David Levy. IN THE OLD DAYS, people had to come tp Israel. Now Western Jews have alternatives and come only if they want to. The AACI should be out there doing the job that needs to be done. Zionist leaders should let the AACI take over. That job should be to raise its own mortgage money, build its own housing projects and take the lead in (Continued On Next Page)

Franzblau

QUESTION

My twins, a boy and girl just 14, have become so disrespectful in the last year that I am at my wit’s end.

They answer

me back in the most cutting w r ay at home and in public. They insult and contradict me and argue con-

stantly if they do not have their way. They have been very free to do things they want, but because their schooling suffered, I had to cut dow r n on many things. However, I find myself still giving in to avoid horrible out-

bursts.

I HAVE NEVER thought of striking a child. I may have a few times when they w'ere younger. Now the impulse to do this has become very great. I did strike each child very hard, on different occasions. They struck back. They have been everywhere with us on trips and vacations, and have had all the material things anyone could want. But when I ask them to perform a simple duty, like washing their socks, or getting ice cubes, they rebel. My husband has a heart condition and I don’t want to burden him. ANSWER Although they may say they are blessed to have two at the same time, some mothers are not always as totally accepting of the twin-situation as they say they are. The twins are a burden that the mother did not ask for. She sees them as one child divided into tw'o, and then wonders if each is a complete entity as a person. Because she is conflicted in her emotions, she works hard to treat them both the same. This is hard on twins especially when they are identical, or fraternal twins of the same sex. Where they are treated as one, they act as if they were two parts of a

whole.

When they begin the normal process of rebelling in order to separate themselves from the parents, twins have the additional problem of separating from each other. IN MANY WAYS oppositesex twins have an easier time finding their own identity. But sometimes they have unique problems unto themselves. As they enter adolescence, the brother is sometimes seen as a boyfriend who can be relied on never to leave her. The male twin’s attitude toward-his sister is often like that of a father or older brother who has to take care of and arrange her social life. However, the normal problems of twinship are greatly increased when the parent treats opposite sex twins as if they were of the same sex. Because it is

sometimes harder to handle them differently, the mother, to make it easier for herself, becomes over-permissive and gives in to every one of their demands. But, of course, this is never enough. The more they get the more they demand. What they are really asking for is the loving concern which will make their parents strong enough to say “no” to them. ON THE SURFACE, your children seem to be battling their parents. But the real and basic struggle is that is going on is their fight to let go of each other. Every parent, in a moment of anger and frustration, will sometimes hit out at a child. But hitting an adolescent only extends an invitation or gives implicit permission to behave the same way. Nevertheless, it is an indication of a rather severe problem. When a boy or girl of 14 hits back at a mother. Your children need help to grow away from each other. As long as they have a common enemy in you, they will not part from each other, emotionally. At first they will object and fight the idea that they need psychological guidance. But if you went for professional help and told your children that you felt you could use and benefit from it, their guilt, which makes them

so adamant, will lessen. Then seeing the change in your behavior and your handling of them, they will want the same kind of help. Since girls identify with the mother, your daughter may be the first to follow' in your footsteps. IN THE MEANTIME, your husband should spend more time with his son, not scolding and admonishing him, but communicating with him on matters that are of interest to both. Then your son will identify with his father, w'hich every boy needs to do. This will help him to give up’ his mother and his girl tw in. Heritage Win $100,000 From B.B. Messenger LOS ANGELES - Heritage, chain of Southern California Jewish weekly newspapers, has won a $100,000 judgement against its competitor here, The B’nai B’rith Messenger, a privately-owned weekly. The case stemmed from a challenge in The Messenger of the assertion by Heritage that it was founded in San Diego in 1914 because it had absorbed the San Diego paper. The jury awarded Heritage $40,000 in general damages and $60,000 in punitive damages. The Messenger plans to ask for a new trial.

Just Between Us

Eat, Eat, Eat!

Helen

By HELEN MINTZ I’m back from vacation. I went, I saw- and I ate... and ate...and ate! That’s the trouble with going to a resort hotel. They serve three meals a day whether y° u want ^ ° r 0L JM not. And you

want it!

At home, I

simply suffer from a simple case of munchies. Away, this simple case of munchies becomes an advanced case of the galloping noshes. And that my friend, turns into a terminal case of acute nibblitis! You know the symptoms but I know the cause and effect. I LOVE to snack. I go to work because of the coffee breaks. I go to the movies because of the popcorn. Girl scouts around campfires sing the glories of my cookie buying. I have a little black book'*of the places where the English muffins are dripping with butter and the apple pie is bursting with fruit. Each one is carefully rated with from one to five maraschino cherries. I can beat a path to the door that serves old fashioned rich creamy kind ice cream. I know a bagel when I eat one, a tuna fish sandwich that isn’t a “Charlie-

the-Tuna” reject and a grilled cheese sandwich where they include two slices of cheese that ooze. This eating vacation rates more than a five maraschino cherry. More like a ten matzoballer. What can you say to a well-meaning Spanish waitress who can’t pronounce kasha vanishes, but just brings it. No? Or, a Chinese bus boy who knows prunes in the morning are the order of the day. Yes! I DID BRING home the menus to remind us of everything we always wanted to eat and weren’t afraid to order. I hand it to my husband every night and let him order to his hearts content! He’s beginning to get the message. Everything comes out hamburger on. his plate. I’m getting tired of hearing that grown man whine. I miss the food also. I’m the first to admit I’m a failure in the kitchen. Next time he should plan to stay longer. Lik* maybe the whole summer. This way he could get all this eating out of his system and be content with my less than perfect cooking. I never included gourmet meals in my marriage vows. If that’s what he wanted, he should have proposed to Jennie Grossinger!