Jasper Banner, Volume 2, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 March 1855 — Doesticks in Love [ARTICLE]

Doesticks in Love

“Dbarticke falls da low, and gives his pririiary sensation aw foilowm prt ' The«i»»etapt !• saW her? inf’ pfreJi-■ence-'of mlhd Jtewerted ’ rrrt?. r frit haehh>)—l v/as doncious tlrrit I fribk J I ed like a-fbol in the face, ririd my dppurel, (6n which I hM pfided myself,) Aeerned as {mvvorthy'to he'seen fn her presence, as if it had bqhnbbifght secund hand in Chatham street. B'eeyes my feet seemed to grow ten short and nay too long—my’-coht tor> big and tlay-collar Ihripeey. 1 discolored' M gfeAwe’ apot oni my Vest, and seemed-tfb ihWeriotfely oafteiotie of a hole m mypantalobns. Nevfcfr had 1 been M 'rfßlme faced In femiHe presence' Ifefere, ail'd Wy bashfulnessonlyAemporeiilytleserted rhe, kheri I aohievedrisefttbri a clumsy loeklng.febt stopl, Which I- understood was called an “Ottonian,’* — I I Whether it had any connection vVith ' i Turks/tWkiee- and-'riianksgiving, 11 fail ed v er p ’■'' : T T i .-i_.ip-SEJ: v .■ 4-u .A‘‘ For a month I forgot riiy d'ftbts, Wglected business, ignored entirely tht§ sphere 1 , arid lived’?n a' hruAd elegaht by and just big enough fofCalanthe Maria, and the subscriber.— In that happy place there were no duhs, no tailors bills, rio trouble, no debts-, nb e£rfy Chrdihbrhings, no tight boots, no bad cigars; nothihg* but love, Tukuyy, Aiatd'CthlUnally out of my airy mansion, to speak a fetvWprds to py'yoiripaniops in the office', who hadn’t got any €JtiF 1 antfre, but I- rCbift right back' agriib, I asxjuick as I could to that r'ose-cdl- ! oyed dream-land where JbVe ‘ and Calanthe were “boss arid all hbiOZ’’ At Inst-one fatM eyCniag I i(•(lcceived. We were walfcing, and ! through some clumsiness bn my part : her hair-caught a gas fixture—some ■ mysferiotfs rim’d striri£ pbbrike, arid ihefere glossy firjiglet S ; , ’the 1 object of my adoration, ;derivingher .head bald rir a brick-bat, - of ‘the lm , k?rtb i a i friend, he informed me that'the rbst lof her charms’ would - not beat rhi--1 irate gfir wof e r fsfsh teeth and bought her uomplexioti 'at PhafonV; arid that Irey graceful 'form was the-result of a skillful combination of cotton- and whalebone.— 1 This was too much. While I thought iCalanthe a w-oman, Moved her, but 1 the discovery’ of a botiirx element, ex--1 cited a prejudice—uiA a female, she 1 had my affection, and I "coriteriiplri--1 ted a land mermaid, |.i h*ad nd desire tri swindle Barnum r and became her.pfb'prictor.

i Coming as I did, from a section of country where they have' human wpmcn, and where they don’t attempt to deceive masculine mankind with French millinery strategy, f Was uni prepared’ frfr counterfeits and hrtd I been easily ‘ d’eluded Uy ; d* spuribu^= i article. But I find that in; York, perambulating bundles of dry goods not 'unfrequbntly pass current a'S 1 and the. ‘ millin'ete now put their, eccpntrie inventions upon those locomotive shams, to the twm ven ladies whd to perform their ptn-n etonl * grrn® s dows. As an advertising medium, they possess for publicity beyond dpy. dFth^n^sbaper^,<hav ; inb a circulation Wlfen is unattainable by anything dumb aird unequittocatcd. The gredtstaplc of the south has not only'“rttade” some of our first men, but has bficn discovered to entefc largely fhtci the compbsitibh of our fifst ladies f ■*’; ’ S F ___ ■ , M ... . - 0 DCa Among other things to be desired are the A method to make truth as agreeable falsehood. / A tocpipt lof a prefty girl vyithout giving .offence to her elder rirtew/. '?■' /; L 9^^ d ll e^tin S a small debt without to wn ihe.myney a second time,’ in the attempt. How to induce a constant reader of a npivspaperrto become a constant subscribe?. _AftUn 9 f#Ji|ipg.anewßpape£--E The present being considered dull by ( by the seriopsWjded, unappreciated by threetoartHs and cheated by the other . . nZr*ls the boy who got flogged for telling a ‘treiiabling lyre’ the poet speaks of>’ | J