Jasper County Democrat, Volume 22, Number 98, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 6 March 1920 — ON THE FUNNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

ON THE FUNNY SIDE

Fatal Objection. Newspaper mention the other day of a Troyan being, sold at the Revere house auction brought to mind the story of the newly rich lady and the art dealer. On being shown a painting of the above-named artist, she declared ft wouldn’t do, as she wanted the picture for her drawing room. “But what is your objection to this one?” Inquired the dealer. “Mercy!” exclaimed the lady, “one couldn’t have a cow in one’s drawing room, you know.” —Bbston Transcript.

Something at Stake. “What are you shouting ‘police’ for?" asked the inquisitive old gentleman. “I don’t see anybody trying to rob or beat you.” “Don’t bother me," answered the citizen who was standing on a corner yelling with all his might. “A man from Skeetersville bet me half a dollar I coudn't rouse up a cop in Toadvine if I yelled for half a day, and I’m just trying to win that money."

Diplomatic. “Young man. did you kiss my daughter in the hall last night?” questioned the stern mother. “I thought I did,” replied the diplomatic young man; “but really, you look so young that I can’t always tell you and your daughter apart.” Whereupon the storm passed over. Youth Will Have Its Fling. City Visitor —Your son at college is quite an athlete, I understand. Great at throwing the hammer. Farmer Hawbuck —Yes, gol durn it! Last time he was daown I gave him a hammer to fix the barn an’ he threw It so fur I hain’t seen it since.

AN INDIVIDUAL. "What’s your favorite animal?” "A goldfish; it doesn’t sing or have to be put out of the house at night.” The Secret. He gains a name for being wise, Whose thoughts most sluggish flow, If he can keep from the other’s ken TJhe things he doesn’t know. Rather Cute. Edwin (tenderly touching Made-

line’s tresses) —sweet one, let me be like this lovely hair! Madeline (tremuously)—What, dearest, what would you be? Edwin (rapturously)—All your own I Gone Forever. “What I want is an old-fashioned chicken dinner.” “You may get the old-fashioned dinner, but you’ll never get the old-fash-ioned bill from the waiter.” Modern Version. Prodigal Son —I come to you, father, with a heavy heart. His Father —And a light pocketbook. I know all about that. How much do you need now? The Dependent Wife. “Charles, you’ve forgotten to leave me some money.” “No, darling, I haven’t forgotten. I was hoping you had.” —Browning’s Magazine. He Wanted Board. Farmer —Hungry, are you? Well there is the woodpile. Tramp—l am sorry, sir, and thank you, sir, but my stomach is not accustomed to such food.