Jasper County Democrat, Volume 22, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 31 May 1919 — PHILOSOPHY OF WALT MASON [ARTICLE]

PHILOSOPHY OF WALT MASON

“We’ll swat the vile tobacco next,’* the virtuous campaigners say; and as I smoke I am perplexed concerning what I ought to say. I always wish to boost the right, and make the world a better place; but my old pipe, that s now alight—is it an asset or disgrace? I quit the pipe some years ago, the pipe I’d smoked for many years; out in the yard I laid It low, I buried it with briny tears. The women folk around the shack rejoiced with great, exceeding mirth, and slapped me roundly on the back, and called me sweetest thing on earth. But in a fortnight they arose and called upon me in den, and brought me pipes and things like those, and begged that I would smoke again. For abstinence had made me sore and put an edge upon my tongue; and I was wont to snarl and roar where once my buoyant laughter rung. I bullied all my maiden aunts and made my nieces weep and plead, - the while I skirmished through my pants in search of that vile noxious weed. I ragged the neighbors all the day, and wrangled with the passing cops, and filled, until I hit the hay, the town with my barbaric yawps. Then I went back to nicotine, and nothing in this world •.ould vex; with mind all placid and serene, I was a credit to my sex.