Jasper County Democrat, Volume 22, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 May 1919 — PHILOSOPHY OF WALT MASON [ARTICLE]

PHILOSOPHY OF WALT MASON

In the past I’ve begged the boovers to get on the cart and ride; 1 have cried, “Oh, pickled snoozera, have some decency and pride! Why forever have a jag on, why be soused for evermore? Come and mount the water wagon, I beseech and I implore!” Now I need no jonger worry o’er their folly and disgrace; they must ride on that old surrey, Ifor it is a groundhog case. Soon the Rum Holes will be closing, and no sot may saunter in, there to spend the long hours dousing his old works with Holland gin. Soon all barkeeps must* be quitters and no more shall thirsty Jakes help themselves to brimstone bitters till they count their private snakes. So I don’t denounce the dragon till the welkin’s out of plumb, for all men must ride the wagon in the happy days, to conic. I am done with fiery preaching, pointing the drunkard’s doom, done with begging and beseeching when a friend has nose abloom. 1 don’t roast the brimming flagon, roast the wicker demijohn, for all men must ride the wagon, and the time for talk is gone. There is no such thing as choosing, though the soak be hot and sore; there has come an end to boozing, and the wagon’s at the door.