Jasper County Democrat, Volume 22, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 April 1919 — CAP and BELLS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

CAP and BELLS

Addressing the Multitude. •’Every clpud has its*silver lining,** remarked the chronic quoter. “Sure, thing," answered the chap with the cloven hoof (bug pardon — bruath), “I once knew a man who developed into a great public speaker by his wife’s relatives visiting him frequently." Breaking the News. “Father, was writing done on tablets of stone In the old days?" “Yes, my son," replied the dutiful parent.” “Gee!” mused the boy. “Then it must have taken a crowbar to break the news.” % Two of a Kind. Miss Pritttkld (patronizingly)—Oh, yes, Nora, I was once engaged for a. week at the senshore. Nora —Why, so wuz 01, mum, in one of them souvenir shell places; and begorry, Oi quit before me wake was up.” z A Stem Victor. “When Frank proposed to Irene he offered her his name and three-quar-ters of his weekly salary.” “Did she accept him?” “No. She insisted on nothing leas than an unconditional surrender.” — Life. ' Before and After. “The woman pays, you know,” remarked the chronic quoter. “Pays nothin’,” snorted the sarcastic cuss. “It’s the man who pays. Before marriage he pays her attention. Afterward he pays her bills.” BEFORE AND AFTER.

Wifey—You used to think there was nobody Just like me. Hubby—Now I’m sure of 1L \ .Different Kinds. Ambition sometimes has been known To start podr mortals wrong; The one ambition that they own Is just to lost, along. 4 How It Happened. “Poor Cholly is so empty-headed I wonder what Is the matter with him.” “Oh, he was raised on a “That doesn’t explain it." “Yes, it does; by mistake they gave him a vacuum bottfe.” / Taking Precautions. The Salesperson —Yes, we can fix up a white flag for you. But what’s the Idea? Henry N. Peck —I’ll be late getting' home tonight and I want to be sure my wife doesn’t open fire me. His Feat. ( “The steeplejack did a Very contradictory thing in putting, the weather signal on the church steCple.” “How so?” I “He was successful /in a vane attempt.” Drawing the Line. “So you are a burglar!” said the prison visitor. “Yes’m. I like other people’s property, but I haven’t the heart to be an anarchist an’ get it by rough work.” The New Standard. y Friend —Haven’t you sold your new book? _ Novelist —No, The editor says it hasn’t got enough action to make a photoplay.—Film Fun. Fine Idea. Grubber —I understand he was dissatisfied with his lot in life. Hubber—Yes, but he mortgaged it and bought an automobile and now enjoys himself. About the Same Thing. Hewit—Were you eVer under a clobd ? Jewett—Well, I’ve walked with my wife when she had her big hat on.