Jasper County Democrat, Volume 21, Number 85, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 January 1919 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

Her Next Number. “What’s the prima donna sore about ?” “First she sang a chanson of her own composition. That didn’t get much applause.” “Well?” “So she went out and give ’ein Hail , Columbia.” Technical Arguments. t “I heard a k.nife grinder and a carpenter arguing tjie other day, and each was scoring according to his ,'trade.” ’‘How so?” “The fli»t was making sharp rejoinder to flm other’s plane talk.” i Mistakes Needed. “Do you believe everything you see in the newspapers?” • “No,” replied Senator Sorghum. “If feome mistakes didn’t get in now and then therc’d be no use of my doing so much work from time to time to get campaign stuff into their hands.” 1 The Times Have Changed. ‘ “I never was so mortified in my life.” “What’s th% matter?” ■ "I woman at the patrlotic raH> hi a new gown. I knew I Should have worn an old dress, but really I haven’t one fit to put on.” ' ‘ Just Like Real Folks. Irate Shopper—Seethere. - You are charting $5 more for handkerchiefs fhan the store across the street. Suave Profiteer—Well, you must realize, madam, that even we shopkeepers have, our little differences.

When They Lean Over the Rail. “I see. by tlie papers that aviators frequently suffer from a malady very like seasickness, due to the pitching of the plane.” “H-m. That’s going to be mighty unpleasant for us pedestrians below.” The Art#. "Of course, you admit the necessity of using alcohol In the arts.”. * “Yes,” replied Uncle Bill Bottletop; "and just between ourselves I regard mixing a drink as an art” Admits All. Wife (during squabble)—You can't deny that I made you what you are. Hub- —I certainly can’t, for what I am is head over heels in debt • K In the Kitchen. “I have a grate trouble,” sighed the Range. “Perhaps,” returned the Nutmeg, "but I have a grater." VERY LIKELY.

First Congressman —He wants to be considered a‘giant in debate. Second Congressman—l reckon that’s why he uses such blamed long words. - A Race. ' There seems but little to be praised In fortune's strange devices, For every time yotir pay is raised There comes a jump in prices. No Doubt. “Yoji seem depressed.” “Got to write a story and dunnow what to write about,” declared the popular novelist. “That’s a mean situation.” “Yep. A manufacturer could make money with a fountain pen that was a self-starter.”