Jasper County Democrat, Volume 21, Number 78, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 December 1918 — THE ONNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

THE ONNY SIDE

■ Again the H. C.' L.' ••Jtfy. income is; suffering,” moaned thejcsovlng picture star. “Ipn’t business good?” 4 > “Splendid. But my manager is compelled te spend so much for lunch and lodging Tn> afraid he won’t be able to thake Jup mx annual lncrease of salary.” ‘ ' j' -a's \ FOraaioht, “I understand dat de gemman you’s ftineter marry Is a co6k.” “Yes" replied Miss Miami Brown, '•I packed him out. De rule of dat happy home is* ginter be, ‘Any gemman dat find fault wif de cookin’ kin do de cookin’ hisself.’,” A Lonely Life. “Flubdub always seems so lone Some." ' ’ . " ‘ ■ * “Why, he married a fashionable beauty.” “Yes, he married her, but he has never succeeded In getting Into the set ‘she belongs to.” Quite So. Fat Man (after squeezing through) —Confound it 1 The turnstile Is a relic Of the dark ages. Gateman (smiling)—But you can’t (deny, old top, that it’s one of the that really count 1 A The Goose Step. ■ Ts. Flatbush—What new step was M.t you were trying last night? V ’r. Flatbush—That’S the goose step, t you know it? 1 . Flatbush —I never saw a goose S before.

BILL SELL 45,000 ANIMALS WarHorae*-and .Mules, to Be Aqc- - ti6ned at Camps. . (ihfngtbh, Dec. 27: ind mules and horses, part of rAprplfisj' supply, will ‘be ‘sold at n at camps throughout the couii* tt month. The sales' wiM be held ry t, 14, 21 and 28, and stock tb iptAeii 'of include* tjavkiry? artlfnd •firafc horses, m’nles sfidpack —4——4.--7.-1 3,ooo'lJpruylana fide Chile." ~ • Sima, IWi, 27.-*® Is estimated th« 3,0(10 ‘'fled from Olifie tb dwing (lie'fes| rfontfl as , a &Mt 'df theorists bearOigii H»Ad Peru. ■ . - ' .A- ftt|it Ot Main, Probably. ' , /‘By sir,” skid tin? suave sales* man,? as he handed the customer ids package and no change. “You will flnd|hat your suit-will wear like iron.” ■Agtf sure enough, it did. The man badrft it two months till It looked rusty.' v • ’ . > ..Natural Conclusion. • * , Tbjs Gullible GUy—l see that the doctors have .declared that a hot bath will weaken a pereon. 7’; ’ ' The? Skeptical Fellow—According to that (heory, no bath will make one strong V' .Y‘ t | : Time Values. “Th»e is money,” remarked the ready-®ada. philosopher. , “That’s right',” ‘ replied the gentle punster. “And the more times you subscribe to the Liberty loan the more money <yod’U have.” • 'V t—- —' . ' ’:", — : ' Where the Old Clothes Go. ■ “You' think great saving is effected by lettlfcg women do men's work?” “Yes; in ways we didn’t anticipate. We cafimow cut down sister’s overalls to fit little brother.” Literal. “She gave her lawyer friend a parar doxical wish." “What was itl” “Said she hoped his brief career would be a long one.” The Kind. “Pa, do Panama hats really come from a tree?” “Yes, my son.” “Is it a hat tree?” An armload of old. newspapers for a nickel at The Democrat office.

GE RM*N_ 9 L O O M . ‘ The Germans’ recent bad led Representative Shouse of Kansas to gay Wjfc dinner: 7;<‘GeKtaan ; defeats bn thSb/western front and German disappointmehfe in ihfe easf haveT <iw ® th® moralpvbf tbe'(/erman people terribly.'. The Gerriuta fceoflle are'no'W as sis the broker. • ' it, y." “ ‘Did you have a good day, love? a broker’s wife asked him In the nlng at dinner. <A : Y M ’i®otten,’ the 'broker groaned.‘Simply rotten. Everything I sold’ went down.’ ■ : “He ate soup in grim silence a Ht“ tie while, then he miiltfered: ‘“Thank goodness they couldn’t go sideways.’” ' -I •. A Conflagration. 4 Myrt—What caused the racket down 1 at your house Inst night? Gerf—-Oh, nothing nruch. That young Simpkins caMed and tried to propose 40-rnei. ‘ 7 . r" Myrt—Well, what of it? - ■ Gert—Pa heard him say he was on fire with a mighty love —and he put him but 4■.* • .... ■ .

VERY HIGH

She —Do you think the food in this restaurant is healthful? He (absently)—Yesj but the prices are sickening. As to Jonah. Poor Jonah, we will bet a pin. On being swallowed felt “all In.” He also felt, we may surmise, Glad that whales don’t Fletcherlze. Modest Request. Prison Visitor —My good man, is there anything I can do for you In the outside world? Convict —I’d appreciate It , very much, lady, if you’d call on the mayor and ask him to extend to me the freedom of the city. Of Practical Use. “Do you believe in the Darwinian theory ?” “Yes,” said Miss Cayenne. “I don’t know much about it, but it provides some sort of a stopping place for people who w-ould go on forever bragging about their ancestry.” The Suggestion. “Pop, are lawyers in court always bad tempered?” “Of course not. Why-do you ask that?” ’ “Why, the papers talk so about their cross examinations.” ° Up to Date. The Man—What is an appropriate gift for a baby? Clerk —How old is the child? The Man —About three weeks. 1 Clerk —Would you like to see something in cigars or playing cards? „ At the Woman’s Club. “Miss Gausip is very quiet over there." • “Yes; she says she’s in a train of thought” “Are (rains of that kind dangerous?” “I should say so. Just wait and see how- many people are run down.”

Wifey —How Is the weather out this moving? Hubby—Very pugilistic, my dear, wifey —Very how? Hubby—Windy. It Comes Off. This Is a grouchy world. Ah, me! A fellow seldom laughs. Why don’t we wear the smile that we Use In our photographs ? Penalty of Riches. “No man can acquire money without making sacrifices,” said the man Svho had made his. “NoXnot even when he marries for it,” replied the man who had tried the experiments—Life. Catty. 7 Belle— George thinks I’m easy to please. Nell —No wonder, after so man/ of na had turned him down. -4