Jasper County Democrat, Volume 21, Number 77, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 December 1918 — In the Christmas Handicap [ARTICLE]

In the Christmas Handicap

Mere Man Describes How Friend Wife Wins by an Eyelash

r J '" HERE Is no use in my going home tonight,” observed the tall, sad man as he pushed the dice box from him and M accepted the consolation cigar which the tobacconist vouchsafed him. “There will be nothing doing the way of eats. My wife hasn’t time to She’s entered in the Christmas handicap. You talk about the six-day races where fellows ride around and around until they drop dead or go nuts! Why, the Christmas handicap has that kind of an endurance race skun a mile! “My wife gives one hundred and eleven presents on December 24 and 25. The race is between her and Christmas, and, believe me, Christmas is coming along pretty fast when it comes to the last lap of the race during December. But my wife is coming along pretty rapidly, too. Take it from me, those needles of hers click so fast that they sound like fifty revolutions to the minute, and she hits on all six, too, and she leaves a string of pink and blue double bowknots, kutelets, picos and fourets In the wake of those needles that would astonish you! “‘Tick, tick,’ says the clock, and ‘tickerty, tickerty, tick, tick,’ says the needle and there’s a pair of embroidered socks, an embroidered handkerchief or a foot towel, a sweater, a cap, a doily, a, lamp shade, a photo holder or most any old thing. “Bingo! It’s December 22! Bingo, bingo, blngo-o-o, go the knitting needles and crochet hooks and the tatting shuttles, leaving a string of garments in their wake. “December 23 jumps up on the calendar, and whizz! bang! zipp! go the needles, the paint brushes, the branding irons and the stencils. And swish, swish! on comes the scenery, the menagerie, or whatever she has to evolve. “December 24 swings Into the stretch. Now Christmas Is here. They approach the wire. “Now\ I don’t know whether my wife has worked all night or not, but she has brought her string pretty well up abreast of the times. But some of these presents have to be delivered. My wife grabs a handful of them and starts out to deliver them. None of them is finished yet, but she finishes them on the way. “Clang, clang! goes the street car. Buz-z-z! goes the current and away we go! But bib, bib, bob go the finishing touches on the presents. My wife arrives at a place where a present is to be delivered and rings the bell. Blp, blp, blp, blp go the needles. Five yards to make and the maid is on the way to the door. “Creak-k! The servant opens the door. Swish-h! the present is completed. Thud! My wife drops it into the box. Swish, In goes my wife’s card, and rattle, on goes some hollyfied wrapping paper and my wife wins by an eyelash!”

At Christmas be merry and thankful withal And feast thy poor neighbors, the great with the small: ■ . —Thomas Lusser.