Jasper County Democrat, Volume 21, Number 71, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 December 1918 — Short Furrows [ARTICLE]

Short Furrows

“Abe Martis” is Isdiasapolia News.

“Won, it loots like th’ world would soon be safe fer democracy,*’ said Tell Binkley, this hiofnin’. “I reckon that’s th’ program,” replied Hon. Ex-Editur Cale Fluhart, “but how many folks care anything about democracy or know what it means? You haint heard nobuddy jollifyin’ ’cause th’ world is now safe fer democracy. What they’re interested in is ther own well bein’ an’ personal comfort. I’ve (heard more knockin’ an’ comiplainin’ an’ grumblin’ an’ speculatin’ since that thing wuz signed than I’ve heard all thro’ th’ war.” “Well, we don’t have enough wars t’ know how. t’ recover from ’em. We’ve been doin’ so blamed many big things • that most o’ us have become bewildered. We couldn’ comprehend anything as big as th’ war an’ we can’t comprehend th’ great blessin’ o’ peace. We’ve been goin’ along contributin’ an’ investin’ an’ boastin’ an’ sacrificin’ an’ substitutin’ an’ knit•tin’ an’ hurrahin’ an’ tryin’ t’ out do one another in paterism till we’ve jest become saturated with war. Peace jest suddenly threw a wet blanket on us.” “Yes, ever’buddy seems t’ feel that they’ve been stung. One thing, th’ Huns gave up t’ easy f suit us. We didn’ git t’ soak ’em hard enough. It’s goin’ t' take as long t’ git th’ war spirit out o’ us as it took t’ git it in us. Why, we’d begun t’ think it wuz paterotic t’ pay six cents a pound fer kraut. We thought we wuz helpin’ t’ win th’ war. Now with th’ Huns licked an’ kraut jest where it wuz, we feel duped—we feel like we could have won with kraut at five cents a quart jest as well. An’ I think we could. Peace has muddled an’ dazed us. Th’ pe-rade is diver an’ we don’t know what t’ do. Miss Tawney Apple sent a twelve dollar cigarette case t’ a friend at Camp Taylor jest an’ hour before hostilities ended. Imagine her frame o’ mind. Peace should have been declared gradually.”

“Lem Watson had a $3,000,000 walnut gun stock contract, an’ had already picked out a auto an’ a tnusic box When peace overtook him.” “Uncle Ez Pash had three barrels o’ carrots in his cellar. Now, ther a dead loss.” “Tipton Bud had a walkover fer th’ nomination fer sheriff till a boom started fer Private Stew Nugent, who’ll soon be home from France.” “Mrs. Em Mopps has been makin’ airplane spindles an’ doin’ th’ best kind till peace hit iher. Now she's t’ live with a wealthy nephew who’s a car tapper in Vincennes. I don’t know what’ll become o’ her when Uncle Sam; let’s go o’ th’ railroads.”

“Miss Vevay Moots wuz t’ marry Private Artie Small when he got back from France an’ now he’s not even goin’ over.” “Miss Fawn Lippincut’s aunt had her son-in-law heavily insured before he enlisted an’ he never got out o’ Hattiesburg. She thought some o’ buildin’ if he’d been killed.” “Tipton Moots finds himself loaded down with bonds an’ no shoes.”

“Well, you see all these folks are sore. It’s th’ same thing- all over th’ country. Folks had got settled on a war basis an’ peace has knocked ther plans crazy. Ther’s no openin’ in this country where a riveter kin make anything like what he’s been makin’. No woman 'll want t’ return t’ th* kitchen from th’ lathe. Business ’ll newer be satisfied with a fair margin o’ profit. Even th’ salaried feller won’t feel right with a few dollars above expenses. It’s goin’ t’ take a long while fer folks t’ git .reconciled t’ th’ ola order o’ things even if th’ ole order o’ things ever’ returns.” “I reckon, after a while when things get cooled down, a feller kin buy a submarine chaser purty cheap,” said Uncle Niles Turner.