Jasper County Democrat, Volume 21, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 June 1918 — KAISER’S TALK TO HELL. [ARTICLE]

KAISER’S TALK TO HELL.

The Kaiser called ,the Devil up On the telephone one day. The girl at central listened to All they had to say. “Hello,” she heard the Kaiser’s voice, 1 “Is old man Satan home? \ Just tell him this is Kaiser Bill That wants him on the phone.*’ The Devil said “Hello’’ to Bill, And Bill said “How are you? I’m running here a Hell on Earth, So tell me what to do.” “What can I do,” the Devil said, “My dear old Kaiser Bill? If there’s a thing that I can do To help you, I sure will.” The Kaiser said, “Now listen, And I will try to tell The way that I am running On Earth a modern Hell. I’ve saved for this for many years, And I’ve started out to kill, That it would be a modern job, You leave to Kaiser Bill. My army went through Belgium, Shooting women and children down. We tore up all her country, And blew up all her towns. My Zepps dropped bombs on cities, Killing both the old and young, And those the Zeppelins didn’t get Were taken out and hung. I started out for Paris, With the aid of poisonous gas, The Belgians, darn ’em, stopped us, And would not let us pass. My submarines are devils, Why, you should see them fight! They go sneaking through the sea, And sink a ship at sight. 1 was running things to suit me, Till a year or so ago, When a man named Woodrow Wilson Wrote me to go more slow. He said to roe, “Dear William, We don’t want to make you sore, So he sure to tell your U-boats To sink our ships no more. We have told you for the last time, So, dear Bill, it’s wp to you, And if you do not stop it, You have got to fight us, too.” I did not listen to him, And he’s coming after rale, With a million Yankee soldiers From their homes across the sea. Now, that's wihy I called you Satan, For I want advice from you, I knew that you would tell me Just what I ought to do.” “My dear old Kaiser William, There’s not much for me to tell, For the Yanks will make it hotter Than I can for you in Hell. I've been a mean old Devil, But not half as mean as you, And the minute that yon get here I will give my job to you-. I'll be ready for your coming, And I'll keep the fires all bright And I'll have your room all ready When the Yanks begin; to fight. For the boys in khaki will get you, I have nothing rniore to tell, Hang up the phone and get your hat, And meet me here in Hell.” —Ex.