Jasper County Democrat, Volume 21, Number 6, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 April 1918 — ON THE FUNNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

ON THE FUNNY SIDE

An Interesting Topic. “Junior” is an only child and naturally appreciates the attention bestowed upon him. But his mother had hoped he was innocently unconscious of his popularity until one evening when a neighbor had happened in for a chat, “Junior” had gone to bed, but presently his shrill little pipe broke into theiJ conversation: “Mother!” “Yes, Junior.” “Talking ’bout me?” 1 Too Weak by Far. Catherine had requested, as a special birthday treat, that she be allowed to have coffee for breakfast. Her mother, not at all pleased with the idea, was diluting it generously. ' Catherine peered over into the cup, and then exclaimed in great disappointment: “Goodness! Don’t I get any of the brown?” Favorite Topics. “Did you ever stop to think how little conversation there would be If people never talked about themselves?” “Oh, yes. But if people never talked about themselves or other people, either, we wouldn’t need a universal language. We could get along well by making signs.” t Help! Customer (to waiter who had brought him a beefsteak very much underdone! —Waiter, just send for the butcher, will you? Waiter —Why, sir? Customer —This steak doesn’t seen? to be quite dead yet! FOOL AND HIS MONEY

“Being a fool is no disgrace.” ’ “’Tisri’t that.” “What’s the trouble, then?” “The money is always on the othet* Aide.” Do Not. Do not be a quitter With fear within your heart; A And do not be‘a starter Of things that should* not start. —Judge. 1 Hard to Please. “I fail to see anything in this show.* “But the chorus is shapely.” “True, yet the chorus can neither sing nor dance.” . “Don’t you think the comedian is runny?” “He might be if he tried to play ‘Hamlet.’ ” —Birmingham Age-Herald. Branching Out. “Mrs. Dubwaite is always talking about enlarging her sphere of influence.” “What does she mean by that?” “I suppose she means moving in ft larger circle by attending more club meetings.” Best Move. " “This dollar diplomacy—** ' “Yes?” '"W “What is it, anyway?” “Slipping your wife a case note when you haven’t got an excuse ‘handy." Literally Understood. “It’s a cold world!” sighed the melancholy citizen. “Yes,” replied Miss Cayenne. “But don’t you think that now and then we ought to talk about something besides the weather and the cost of fuel?” She Explains. “You never wind your wrist watch* “Well, what of it?”. “What’s the use of wearing a wrist watch that keeps no time?” “I wear it as a bracelet as well as a watch,” said the girl. Also, When She’s Absent “Pa, when do you call an old woman an old hen?" “When she has become hopelessly set in her ways, my son."