Jasper County Democrat, Volume 20, Number 102, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 March 1918 — ON THE FUNNY SIDE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

ON THE FUNNY SIDE

Valuable Instruments. “Say, but that chap Stradivarius must be a corker I” ejaculated the lowbrow. “Yes, he was the greatest violin maker of all time,” returned the artist. “Oh, not a doubt of it. I saw in the paper last week where a man paid six thousand dollars for one of his old second-hand fiddles. Just think what it must have been worth when it was new?” Our American Dublin. Browne—That was a nice compliment General Washington paid the Irish March 17, 1776, when he turned Boston over to General Sullivan and the Irish in honor of the day. Smythe—Yes, and they never gave it up.—Judge. A Mountain of Flesh. Very Stout Gentleman —But I tell you this road is private and you shall not pass except over my prostrate body. Motorist—ln that case Fi t goback. My car isn't very good at mountain climbing. Qualified for a Fight. “It seems odd to me that Cain should have been the victor In the quarrel with his brother.” “Why so?” “Because it was the. brother who was distinctly the Abel-bodied man.” FOOLING THE COLLEGES.

“He gave out that he had a million that wasn’t working. Several colleges Immediately conferred degrees upon him.” “And then?” “Then he built a soap factory with the money.” Fond of His Tummy. "An optimistic cook I'd like To find,” said Mr. Bings. "By that I mean the kind of cook That makes the best of things.” A Bad Way. “He’s in a bad way.” “Broke, eh?” “Worse than that. He’s down to the point where nobody will lend him money any more.” Its Advantage. “How can you keep up the pretense that your crabbing is a profitable industry?” “Well, any way you look at it it is a net gain.” Between the Acts. “I am going out to see a man.” “What, again?” “Yes, you—” “But aren’t you afraid of eyestrain?” Safest. “I am deucedly superstitious. When I see my tailor coming I cross my fingers so he won’t ask me for his bill.” >l—l generally cross the street.”

A New Discovery. “I’ve discovered a way to keep a fountain pen from leaking.” “That’s so? Let me in. please.” “Forget to put ink in it.” The Attraction. Small Boy (proudly) —My sister’s in the movies. Ditto Girl (scornfully)—Huh, my ma’s there all time. Too Witty to Wed. He (displaying knowledge)—Are brains singular or plural? She (coyly)—They would be singular With you. Well! The Soubrette —MJhy do they call money “dough?” / The Comedlan-ABecause everybody “kneads” it! ' He’s Got Them. “Doctor Smart says it requires lota Of patience to run an automobile.” “Well, he’s got the patients.”