Jasper County Democrat, Volume 20, Number 87, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 January 1918 — EDITORIAL PARAGRAPHS [ARTICLE]

EDITORIAL PARAGRAPHS

If the war goes on much longer they will soon be teaching 'geography in the schools by wireless. The mystery of the whereabouts of ex-Czar Nicholas is beginning to rank with the mystery of “who hit Billy Patterson?” The old-time spend-thrift who boasted of having "money to burn” now has a son who is boastful of the fact that he has coal to burn. In thanking Gott for the destruction of that hospital ship, did the kaiser apologize for the failure to sink the wounded soldiers who were aboard? The Indianapolis Star says, “When we get up to heaven we shall understand the Russian situation and probably not until then.” We don’t believe any of that Russian mix-up originated up there.

The sixteen cantonments built for the training‘of soldiers cost $134,000,000, with a (net profit to contractors of 2.98 per cent. If the prices of poultry and eggs continue to climb, Sambo may find ihis nocturnal occupation classed under the head of “capital crimes/’ If that man Hoover keeps on he will have all the doctors “down on him.” There won’t be , a case of chronic dyspepsia or gout in the Country. ,| Mr. Hoover should award a medal to that beauty doctor who declared that cornbread “makes for a fine pink complextion.” That ought to out-Hoover Hoover.

The big hog-producttion rally pulled off recently all over the country was strangely silent on the question of increasing the tribe of the “hog that walks like a man.’’ Germany is reported to be eating dogs. This country could spate her a few million, and they ought to be extra toothsome, too, as they have been practically brought up on mutton. Congresswoman Jeannette Rankin has broken into the Irish question. Some friend should whisper to Miss Rankin that that is the best question in the world to let alone. It’s loaded at both ends. A news item says, “(Hoover wants the government to buy all the sugar.” It might just as well. With the whole Country going dry there’ll soon be nothing left to mix it with.

An English legal decision says that butchers may not weigh feet with shoulders and legs of mutton.. Over here it has been customary for butchers to weigh hands with cuts of steak, but we didn’t know English butchers went us one better and weighed their feet, too. In a speech to his soldiers the kaiser is quoted as saying: “The gigantic battles which raged from spring to fall on Belgium and Frejach soil were decided in favor of your glorious arms.” He is evidently of the same school as the general who characterized his retreat as a “masterly advance to the rear.”

, We conservatives who have made light of Bolsheviki doctrines will feel very foolish if eventually we have to thank that cult for a victorious peace. There are indications that their virus is working among the German masses. The junker crowd at least do not minimize the danger, as witness the recent wholesale arrests of Socialists in Germany.