Jasper County Democrat, Volume 20, Number 65, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 November 1917 — THE KAISER'S DREAM [ARTICLE]

THE KAISER'S DREAM

There’s a story current though strange it may seem Of the great Kaiser Bill and his wonderful dream. Being tired of the allies, he lay down in bed And among other things, he dreamed he was dead; And in a fine casket, lying in state, With a guard of brave Tommies, who mourned his fate. He was not long dead when he found to his cost That his soul, like his soldiers’, ere-long would be lost. On leaving this earth to heaven he went straight, On arriving there, he gave a knock at the gate. St. Peter looked out; then in voice loud and clear Said: “Try down below, Bill, you can’t get in here.” “Och,” said the kaiser, “I call that uncivil But a welcome I’ll get from my old friend the devil.’’ He turned on his heel and away he did go At the top of full speed to the region below. When he arrived there he was filled with dismay, For while standing outside he heard Old Nick say (to his imps) “Look here, boys, I’ll give you all warning I’m expecting the kaiser ’down here this morning, But don’t let him in, for to me it

is clear iHle is after my job and we want no scabs here; If once he gets in, there’ll he no end of quarrels. In fact, I’m afraid he’ll corrupt our good morals.” “Oh Satin, dear friend,” the kaiser then cried, “Excuse me for listening while waiting outside. If you don’t want me here then where can I go?” “By gosh,” said the devil, “I’m darned if I know.” “Oh, do let me in, I’m feeling quite cold And if you want money, I’ve plenty of gold. Let me sit in the corner, now you are my boss, Then I’ll decorate you with an iron cross. Thought I’d lick the allies, but found I could not.” “No, no,” said the devil, “most certainly not. I don’t allow folks here with riches or help, Here are sulphur and matches, make a hell for yourself.” He jumped from his bed in a shivering sweat And said: “That’s a dream I’ll never forget; That I yifon’t go to heaven, I know very well, But it’s really too awful to he kicked out of hell.” —Anon. Sale bills printed while you wait at The Democrat office.