Jasper County Democrat, Volume 20, Number 50, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 September 1917 — SCRAPS of HUMOR [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SCRAPS of HUMOR

As It Should Be. Mrs. Urban —I found an egg in the coal bin this morning. Urban —In the coal bln? That’s a queer place for a hen to lay I Mrs. Urban —Well, you ought to be glad of it, anyway. Urban —And why, pray? Mrs. Urban —Because if the hens lay in the coal, you won’t have to buy any this winter. See? . Postponed Payments. “Do much credit business?” “Oh, yes,” replied the fashionable grocer. “Practically all my sales are of that kind.” “Do any of your customers pay you on the nail?” “Well, some of them do, but I have to move the nail up two or three times before they can hit it.” Different Now. “I’ve been reading ‘Don Quixote’ over again. Dear old Sancho Panza often made a meal off an onion and a piece of Stale bread.” “Ah, yes. Those were the good old days. Fare like that In these parlous times is only within the reach of people who don’t care how much they spend for a light lunch.”

At the Rehearsal. “You must bring that mermaid In the moving-picture sea story more up to date.” “What’s the matter with the arrangement now?” “In posing her on the rock you’ve given her a golden harp. For heaven’s saj<e, man, take it laway and give her a ukalele.” NOT GUILTY.

“Never darken my doors again.” "Who ever darkened your doors? Not me. All I ever did was to darken t>e room when we wanted to spoon.” Exhaustion. They laid him out for long repose As mourners got together— The man who tried to change his clothes To keep up with the weather. An armload of old newspapers for a nickel at The Democrat office.