Jasper County Democrat, Volume 20, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 September 1917 — Leading Them To It: Or The Parable of The Super-goat [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Leading Them To It: Or The Parable of The Super-goat

In the stockyard of a certain packing plant in Omaha dwells a handsome, stalwart goat whose luxuriant whiskers, well-groomed coat, and majestic horns are good to look upon. He occupies spacious quarters, sleeps on hay

of the “strictly fresh” variety, and in every other respect has all that even the most fastidious goat could desire; for he is a natural-born leader, and good leaders are highly valued in business nowadays. A sense of delicacy restrains us from revealing the identity of this supergoat, so for the sake of this article we shall call him Judas Iscariot, or just plain Judas for short. Judas does not fear the butcher’s knife, for he has an Insolent sense of assurance that death can only come to him through overeating. The slaughter pen, instead of being a source of terror to him, is a place of daily amusement—a sort of goat vaudeville sJigVK. as it were. It is Judas’ chief duty to meet all the delegations of rube goats that arrive at the stockyards fresh from the

ranch every day. It is not the company’s policy to provide Pullman accommodations for.these visiting delegations, and as a rule the newcomers arrive in a disgruntled state of mind and show a leading-lady-like readiness to abrogate their contracts with the company. ' , Right here Judas gets in his fine work, and Justifies his value to the Ifirm. With his winning goat personal-

ity and his warm horn-shake he makes those goats feel that they are in the care of some one who takes a deep, personal Interest in their welfare. He sees that they get the best of accommodations, and after they have rested a day or so, offers to take them for a sightseeing trip around the plant. By this time every vestige of depression has left the visitors, and they have adopted a thls-ls-the-life attitude. Of course, all this time the wily goat leader has been laughing up his. sleeve, or down into his whiskers, or into whatever part of a goat’s personal equip-

ment is best fitted to conceal such diabolical merriment. But that is running ahead of the story, so let us follow Judas and hjs charges on the specially conducted tour around the plant. “Ba,” calls Judas as he capers on ahead of the party, and the following goats chorus back, “Ba-ha,” which, being liberally interpreted from the pure goatese, means “some goat.” Then Judas leads the visitors to the abattoir and they, poor things, never having studied French, follow oh through the door that closes fast behind them, and right down the long, narrow passageway that will only admit them single-breasted. Let us draw the curtain here. To go any further into this harrowing description would

not only violate, good taste, but would embarrass the writer, who never worked in a slaughter bouse and cannot therefore be expected to know how the

souls of the goats, which are useless, are separated from their carcasses, which possess a commercial value. This much may be taken for granted, however. Judas occupies a box seat at the show, and after the Neronlan entertainment is over goes out to the cashier's office, draws bls fat salary.

and then dines like a real Harlem deity on tin cans garnished with fat Sunday supplements, and walkingboots of an old vintage. But why do the goats continue to follow this treacherous leader who has betrayed so many of their number? you ask. That, patient reader, is a matter of mob psychology which seems to apply to animals and certain human beings alike. When a number of persons get together under the influence of a leader they usually hang a “gone to lunch” pign over the door* of their think-factories. In the industrial world, for Instance, thousands of otherwise intelligent men are blindly following—* well, gentle reader, we do not like to

even suggest any odious comparisons, but We simply can’t resist this opportunity of letting you in on a secret. If you can spare the time to attend the next annual convention of the Association of Industrial Agitators you will find our super-goat, Judas, there in all his bewhiskered glory, rubbing shoulders with his fellow-leader*.—<7. A. Ries er, Industrial Conservation, Nest loris.

He meets all visiting delegations.

He takes a deep, personal interest in their welfare.

But they couldn’t read French.

He would draw his fat salary without any qualms of conscience.

Then he would dine like a real Harlem Deity.

In the hands of his friends.