Jasper County Democrat, Volume 19, Number 50, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 September 1916 — CHILD MUST BE TRAINED TO MAKE OWN DECISIONS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

CHILD MUST BE TRAINED TO MAKE OWN DECISIONS

By SIDONIE MATZNER GRUENBERG

OP all the weak, inconclusive, modern parents—is this what we’ve come to?” said Professor Marshall to hjs wife after a scene with their eighteen-year-old daughter, in Dorothy Canfield’s new novel, “The Bent Twig.”

' After eighteen years of "training” Sylvia manifests a desire to do what other young people are doing, to drift with the majority, to enjoy people and pastimes not approved by her parents. Having allowed their daughter to make decisions all these years, In the hope that she would thus learn to make right decisions, the father cries out helplessly when her decision in the first really serious situation Is opposed to the parental judgment. He is tempted to appeal to "parental authority.” We must reach out the hand to pull her back, or she will make a horrible mistake!

But the mother sticks to her principles. They had taught their children to think Independently, and now it was Impossible to use force. They had tried to give the children standards of conduct and by these they would stand. She had faith that in a crisis these standards and ideals would pull her through.

The most that parents can do for their children is to give them standards and ideals that will serve in emergencies as well as in the routine of life. But how often are we tempted to lose faith in our own teachings, and to resort to lock and key, as was Professor Marshall! How often do we see no choice but that between force and perdition!

As we become more experienced in this business of parenthood our feeling of responsibility grows upon us, we realize how much better our Judgment is than that of the children, we realize more and more the dangers and the temptations that beset them. And of course we wish to save them

from these dangers, we wish to give them the full benefit of our superior judgment. But there is a limit beyond which the child simply will not profit from the wisdom of others, except in a negative way—that is, in the way of doing nothing at all. Nor should we deny the child the privilege of acquiring his judgment by means of the kinds of experiences that have given us our insight. At any rate, we cannot save the child by building a fence around him, as the mother of a ten-year-old boy tried to do, to protect him from the rough manners and “bad language” of other boys. The mother had kept the child with her almost constantly, when he was not in school. In time she contrived to delegate portions of this burden to paid deputies. When it was suggested to the mother that the boy might profit more from outdoor games and the companionship of other boys, she expressed the fear that some of those “other boys” might be so rough, or so careless in their speech! *

If the home is not capable of compensating for the roughness of boys and the giggles of girls, he will surely not be saved by padlocks and shutters. For a few years this mother will be able to shield her child from the inconsiderate rudeness of the world outside, just as she was shielded In her youth. But in the absence of a will and a steadfast purpose, her child will either succumb to the temptations that are sure to come when he gets beyond his mother’s protection, or he will be obliged to retire for the rest of his days to the only kind of life for which the seclusion and darkness have fitted him.

By tying the hands you may keep one from doing harm, but you cannot thus destroy the desire to do the objectionable deed. It is better to leave the hands free, and to train them to do what you approve.

"Those other boys might be so rough or careless in their speech!”