Jasper County Democrat, Volume 19, Number 37, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 August 1916 — GANDERBONE’S FORECAST [ARTICLE]

GANDERBONE’S FORECAST

AUGUST August gets its name from Augus tus Caesar,’'who was a nephew, of Julius, The career of his uncle had been the most brilliant in history, and Augustus did his best to eclipse; it. He got a rural credits bill through the senate within a short time after he became emperor, came out frankly for a big navy, established an imperial reserve bank, created a tariff board and federalized the Roman militia. Rome had no more constructive period than that in which he was head of the state. The child labor law, which had cost the life of Julius Caesar at the hands of Casca and other mill operatives, became a fact under Augustus. He also gave the women suffrage, introduced onecent postage, and forced an income tax law' through the senate. He was immensely popular with the masses, and the Augustan Age, in which he lived and reigned, is called the golden age of Rome. However, Augustus still fell short of his illustrious uncle’s fame. What he did not know was that war is a much more powerful factor in the lives of the great than all the agencies of civilization combined. His advisors urged more and think less, but Augustus refused. Tie was under the impression that a great change had come over the world. He thought w r ar had served very well the purposes of his uncle, but that his own could only be served in their turn by progressive acts for the uplifting of humankind. His old age, in which he realized his mistake, w'as the unhappiest of which we have any record. He originated the expression “Father was right.” His choice of August as his monument was based upon a family tradition of the Caesars that hot weather is the most enduring thing in the world. Julius Caesar went into this subject exhaustively. He found that while cold weather fluctuated a good deal and had notably done so during the glacial period, there -was no record that hot weather had ever been any thing but plain hot weather. He took July as his monument, and his nephew- took August. Whether they were wrong or not i£ easily answered by considering what people will probably be doing at this season long after the pyramids have decayed.

The festive calf will show us how The Russians brought the Teutons back; » And greater caution will endow Examining the Skager Rack. A dozen bovs will man the pit Behind the soda fount at morn, The harried farmer will submit The standard prayers for the corn, The plumber's picture postal mail Will show him playing in the snow, The silver whistle of the quail Will thread the morning's tender glow. The hired man will press his suit Beneath his true love’s liellised wall, The poet will take down his lute For seeing certain signs of Fall, The hungry shark will flash his fin, Where ocean murmurs soft and low, And the artful widow will blow in And seize the summer maiden's beau.

Experience is that beside which youth' and beauty are to laugh. It tosses Cupid’s bow aside and deftly operates a gaff. Your simple maid no more than sighs and babbles Browming in the sand. Her trust is in her soulful eyes and man’s wide yearning for her hand. The widow smiles at this soft stuff, and boldly canters down the beach; in her campaign it is enough that man shall come within her reach. There is a shriek of startled prey, a cloud of sand obscures the sky. The chase goes thundering away as straight as swallows ever fly. By dune and moor it sweeps with all the zest of sportsmen after deer, and ere the shades of even fall she brings her man in by the ear. At any rate, the war of kings will leave behind its second year, and each will bite a few more things in everybody’s else ear. The issue now, we understand, pertains to w T ho is loath to stop. Thdy all desire the upper hand before they let the mat ter drop. The czar must have the Dardanelles, the French must have the kaiser’s goat, the Teutons must have all the shells and Britain have the only boat. The Turks must have the czar’s back hair, the Austrians must all be dead, and each possessing whatsoe’er fight on for something else instead. Meanwhile, our own beleagured troops Must guard the raging Rio Grande, Experiment with army soups, And learn to sleep upon the sand. It does seem hard, for all they get Of anybody else’s gore; For all the blood there is to let, And all the game before our door. However, if that valiant host Will just be patient with its lot, It may be ours at last to boast A war in which no one was shot. It was on August 3 that Columbus set sail for America. He realized that there must be some neutral country to which the warring nations of Europe could appeal for judgment in claims of foul, where they Could buy

supplies and borrow money, and to which submarines could go in cases of severe blockade. He therefore induced Queen Isabelle of Spain to pawn her wrist watch, and set sail with the well-wisfies of all thoughtful people. Except for labor troubles, which resulted in his crew becoming unionized on Labor day, the, voyage to America was uneventful.

The dog days will end on the 12, when dog catchers will be interned. The first 22 days of August will he under the influence of Leo the Lion, the fifth sign of the zodiac. People born in this period are very optimistic and think the Carranzistas will catch Villa. The last nine days of the month will be under the influence of Virgo the Virgin, the sixth sign of the zodiac. Vigo people have pure motives, and are the first people hoodwinked in a political campaign. -The moon will be full on the 131 L. Then sweet September will have done Her best to win a medal, And all the candidates will run As fast as they can pedal.