Jasper County Democrat, Volume 19, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 15 April 1916 — Short Furrows [ARTICLE]

Short Furrows

“Abe Martin' ia Indianapolis News.

Before a feller t’ run fer office he should look his hands over. If he has a far, wet hand, a hard, flinty hand, a ma' kerel hand or a long, bony hand, he should arrange t' eliminate handshakin’ in his campaign. If he has a strong gnarled hand, he should Tain himself t’ gauge its pressure. This mgy he done by practicin’ on pickin' up cream puffs or gas niaiitles without ernshin’ ’em.- If :ie Jias a bewhisker ed hand he should* know his mar. .ell befoire extendin’ it. ghakin’ hands is an art, an’ a feller kin ruin himself politically an' socially in a very short time, unless he’s ont' th’ game. ■ Graspin' hands is a gesture which Irakis Fs as; earanc'- in antiquity a ; a lecal. act symbolic bl th’ .parties joinin in cbm pact, pep.ee or friendship,’’ said Professor Alex Tanseyy this mornin’ at th' grocery, as he asked fer some witch hazel after a couple o’ candidates had introduced ’emselves t’ him Continuin’, he Said: “’This is well seen in marriage, where t’ hand grasp wuz ’dextrarum juncito’ in th’ Christian-rite. In th’ classic world We see it passin’ int’ a mere salutation, as where th’ tiresome acquaintances met Horace on his stroll along th' Via Sacra, seizes h ; s hands an’ probably said some thi’ about th' weather. Givin’ th’ right hand o’ fellersliip passed .naturally int' a sajtiration throughout Christiandom an’ spread, probably from Byzantium, over th’ Moslem world. Th’ emphatic form o' original gesture in strikin' hands is still used t’ make th’ greetin’ more hearty. Th’ variety called in English “shakin’ ■’ hands only appears t’ have become ■ seal in th’ middle ages. In th’ misty past uncoverin' th’ head an' extendin’ th' right hand wuz regarded as m guarantee that a feller wuz unarnied, but fday you can't tell what a hand

shaker is gbin’ t’ put over on yon.’’ Handshaki n' is th ’ most degercrated an’ over worked custom we have. Today a warm clasp o’ th’ hand is nearly alius symbolic of a touch, if not fer money it’s; ter a vote, or some other favor. We don’t mind th’ hand clasp of an ole ah’ mn<'Cie friend, providin' a’ course if haiht too warm an’ soggy, but we do recoil from th’ extended paw o’ one wiv<; has no reason in th’ world fer bein’ delighted t’ meet us except t' use us. Often in bein’ introduced, t’ strangers we’ve been maimed fer weeks. If rher's any thing wOrse’n th' vice like grip of an overhealthy mixer, it’s the damp, limp shake of a reticent pi pl ly coddle, Sotiietinies we run int’ a lodge grip, an’ jt’s hard t’ tell ‘whether We’re shakin’ hands with an’ onion or a cabin latch. Rut th’ most frightful thing o’ all is t’ extend your hand warmly t' one you’re . really glad t’ see only C find that then hand squashes an’ shows no resistance. That is what is called th’ ; pickled herrin’ hand an’ it should never be put forward ii it’s owner expects t’ git anywhere. While it can not be left at home, it should lie placed in a rubber glove an’ kept concealed. Sometimes we meet a feller who holds our hand for some minutes, or until he kin explain his candiilacy. or make his wants known. Maybe he’ll put his other hand on our.shoulder. Then it is that whatever little regard we ".it y have had fer him dwindles an' 'ado< ( nothin’. Many a defeated ca ndidate who pu t too much dopen<ience in his flappers, might have won hands down. We often wonder why shysters, an’ mixers an’ grafters, with all flier boasted knowledge o’ 'inman nature, never learn who f fondle an’ who t’ leave alone, fer shakin' hands is about as dangerous as wear in’ a plug- hat.