Jasper County Democrat, Volume 18, Number 26, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 July 1915 — GANDERBONE’S FORECAST. [ARTICLE]

GANDERBONE’S FORECAST.

JULY, July gets its name from Julius Caesar, whose name is called the greatest in history. He first attracted attention by refusing to marry an heiress. After that his rise was rapid. He is described as a redI.ebded man looking about as Mr. Redfield, our secretary of commerce end labor, would look after a fire. He v as of noble birth, but bad democratic screaks in him like Mr. Roosevelt. He was always a member of what the Romans called the popular, or as we would say, the Democratic, party. He first tried politics, but when he saw how much easier a successful general went to*-he top, he took up war. But happy in war though he Was, Caesar was never quite happy in of fice. He always had trouble in his cabinet, and along toward the last the situation became a political scandal. Brutus, who was his secretary of state, complained that Caesar, who was literary and left his own commentaries upon his wars, was writing all the diplomatic notes and compelling Brutus- to sign them Brutus was himself an orator, editor and Chautauqua lecturer. He had no mean command of letters himself, and felt fully capable of writing anything to which he ought to sign his name. While admitting the purity of Caesar's Latin, he still esteemed his own, and when it came to expressing the finer shades of meaning and emphasis he liked his own a little better. Brutus moreover held it to be beneath his dignity as a great man and the virtual head of nis party to subscribe his name to anything but his own stuff, and such eminent men of letters as Casca upheld him in that assertion of his professional right. Caesar refused to take these representations seriously. He wen- on writing notes and requiring Brutus to sign them. Brutus tried to restrain himself, but when be considered that the particular phrases and forms in which he always expressed himself were probably losing their vogue and could not be retived, he became despera:e. Finally Caesar brought in a particular important note to the Aquitanians which Brutus thought he should have written himself, and he resigned. Caesar accepted the resignation, and about an hour later, when he went out for lunch, Brutus and Casca jumped from behind 8 the Pillar of Ponrney and assassinated him. 1 hiis died Caesar, whose name is perpetuated in the calendar, and whose month gives us some notion of the hot time he had In the short while he lived.

7 lip resti \e calf wiil show us how The crossed the River Bug, And ice-fold grape juice will endow The system with its potent drug. The mailman will load up his Ford With picture postals twice a day, The city people out to board Will do a handspring in the hay-. The camper will forsake his honi<a Te take a few mosquito scalps, The modern soldiery of Rome Will learn to yodel in the Alps. The none too firmly anchored cook Will blithely, sail beyond our reach, And the summer girl will bait her hook For some Prince Charming at the ■ beach. * 1 The Turks will hold the Dardanelles till we can sell our dollar wheat, and what with plauditorv yells the season will be hard to beat. The glad wheat growers will agree that Allah certainly is good the water jug beneath the tree will tone the beverage with wood, the farmhands rolling from their bunks will rouse the sw'allows in the eaves, the college sprinter in his trunks will push the binder stacking sheaves, the farmer in his gratitude will toast the Turks from twenty gourds, the hired men by dreams imbued will all aspire to having Fords, the wraterboy will rush the jug to fainting hearts beneath the trees, the country girl will vow to hug the first good Musselsman she sees, the threshing engine's thrilling toot will bid the miller plug his bin. the; eager; harvesting recruit will wring the water from his chin, prosperity will j be complete for those who diligently delve, and the farmer, driving in with wheat, will drive out in a Packard twelve.

It isn't often war can serve unselfish purposes at best, but if the Turk can still reserve his post we'll have to call him blest. With dolla* wheat our cares disperse, the very skies above us smile; though wishing no one else the worse, we hope the Turks hold out a while. So many years have intervened since farmers truly had their day, since money had not to be gleaned in some more questionable way. There are no Dardanelles of fapt like those the farmer has to run, w-hose very soul at times has cracked beneatthe fury of the sun; whose heart has still withstood the fire of Forts Chinchbug and Army Worm, whom old Fort Dronth

: Las thought to" tire, and old Fort Flood has made to squirm. The narrows where the farmhand quits, the cat warms storming at the rear, the s rer-rhold where disaster sits and vk-ws the field year after year. The ’ farmer has endured it all, and if his , fortune should submit a year of plenity by the Fall, he wouldn't minu ! the change a bit. A: any rate, the war will rage In goqd old civilizing style, And all the powers will engage From Greenland to the river Kile. The Germans will pursue the Russ Until the Russ pursues him back, The Moslem with his blunderbuss Will pot the Christian in the back. The submarine will slip around Beneath the dark and brooding wave, The doughty battleship will pound The late Mohammed ’ from his grave 1 . The troops in France will live like moles Beneath the level of the seas, And the Romans will shoot bigger holes ■ , v In all the brands of gobd Swiss : cheese. July will be a quiet month politically. Mr. Bryan will be busy on the Chautauqua platform, and Mr. Wil- • y

son and the Kaiser will continue pleasantly to exchange notes. The real event of the month will be Mr. Rockefeller's birthday. He will be 77 on July 8, when gasoline will go .up a cent. St. Swithin's Day will come en the 15th. If it rains on St. Swithin's Day it will rain the rest of the summer. If we do not have rain t ha; day, it will be Safe to go some place for a while on Sunday. The first twenty days of the month will be under the influence of Cancer the Crab, the fourth sign of the zodiac. People horn under his influence are the most grasping we have. Mr. Rockefeller is a fair sample. The last ten days oTthe month will be under the influence of Leo the Lion, the fifth sign. People born under thi3 influence are very brave, and want to wait until the war in Europe is over and fight Germany by ourselves. The FPurth will he quiet. We are not wasting any explosives just at this titne. The moon will be full on the 26th. Then August will resume its sway, With each day bright and burning, ’ :> And what provoked this mad affray A little space returning.