Jasper County Democrat, Volume 17, Number 103, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 April 1915 — GANDERBONE'S FORECAST. [ARTICLE]

GANDERBONE'S FORECAST.

APRI !i. it's a wonder for a skirt, Kittle girl. A ere you sure it wouldn't hurt,. Little girl? 'i.:ro you sure it Wouldn’t cause "Rather censure than applause, And prohibitory laws, Kittle girl? ■on have mighty pretty shins. Kittle girl. < . j j And ti e copper only grins. Little girl. Rut we notice with regret A protruding pantalette, And we fear they'll get you yet Little girl. Von are just a simple maid. Kittle girl. You are nqt a hit afraid, Little girl. Anything the styles may dare, Whether clothed or whether bare.. You are very glad to wear, Little girl. Roes your, mamma know you're out. Little girl 7 AVe are terrified with doubt, 1 title girl. If she's missed you, goodness knows, • ould she possibly suppose Where you went without your clothes. Little girl? 1 hey could dress you in a string, Kittle girl; And you'd wear the blooming thing, Little girl, 1: is very well for art, Put it stops a body’s heart Lest the thing should come apart, Little girl! it's a very chilly breeze. Little girl; What' would happen should you sneeze, . Little girl? Would there be a little pop From the bottom to the top—'Sh' ro-p comes another cop, Little girl!

April gets its name front Venus, who was the Lillian Russell of mythology. she married Vulcan, and the weather we have jn April fairly typifies the way they got. along. Vulcan was the first business man. He did <„ general vulcanizing and repair business on the Appian Way, and was busy at the shop from morning till night. When things went well at the shop ; he had no objection at all to gping home and finding his wife dressed up to go out. Ho felt like going out himself. Night-

ingales sang in the conservatory, the sweet fragrance of the Egyptian lotus was borne through the house by balmy winds, and Vulcan wrote 1 checks like a drunken sailor. He was a typical business man of the more 1 forceful type, and strongly resembled Charles M. Schwab. Cupid was their son. The spectacle of Vulcan bounding Cupid on his knee, while the loveliest of all women set on the arm of her husband’s chair and pressed her cheek against his,' was called the most peaceful and restful on Olympus. It was exactly like those bright days in spring when the garden grows, when the white cherry blooms are •breaking out, and the thoughts of young folks turn to love. But, like April, there was another side. Vulcan would sometimes not have a good day at the shop. The men would not get the right consistency in the rubber, or something of that kind; Probably the business lost money. At such times Vulcan went home with thunder in his face. So far from being that lovely creature whom all the gods had coveted, for themselves, his wife struck him as a butterfly and a bridge player. On such occasions things danced in Vulcan’s house. The neighbors were terrified by his great voice uplifted in rage. There would occasionally be a terrific bang. Cupid hid in the dog house. A storm, everybody said. Thus April typifies the most roman- 1 tic marriage in history. The Romans said the analogy was perfect—even to All-Fools’ Day, when they all said at the wedding only beautiful things.

The eager calf will sniff the breeze And do She turkey trot for spring, AVhile deftly dancing through the trees The festive bobolink will sing. The plumber will collect his bills Arid journey west to see the fair, The rpbin will intone his trills Upon the soft and balmy air, The waking hired man will shed Eleven pair of winter pants, The playful goose will blithely tread The vast, ethereal expanse, The changing temper of the days Will mark the last of winter gone, And in the night the mole will raise His love's initials on the lawn.

There is no other time of year possessing quite the charm of spring, when young spring onions reappear and all the birds return to sing. One wants to storm the Dardanelles of one’s more functionary iot, to shoot Ms liver up with shells and rouse his gizzard ivitli a shot. How fancy pictures on the view the good ship Sas.sa.lfa;; advance! How rashly daring is her crew! How little there is left to chance! She sights the hockworm in hip fort upon the Oriental, shore, and. drops him with a lorid report to kick the bucket- o'n the floor. She sees spring fever in his trench, and drowns him deftly with a Shell. Site spies Fort Agile on a bench, and leaves it paralyzed as well. Her flag shook out, a fig for mines, for submarines or parapets, she goes right on between the lines* as if the foe were suffragettes!

The waking frog will raise the voice of six Carusos in the night, and all the poets will rejoice for what is beautiful and bright. Tht farmer on his tractor plow will gaily, tool about the farm, the kingbird swinging on the bough will wait for doodlebugs to swarm, the ice cream suit will take the air on pretty Sunday afternoons, the world will turn to greener tare from canned asparagus and prunes, the picture show will move outdoors where failing plot>> Jan get their breath, the tramp«will holystone the floors and do the carpeting to death, the cow will show a redder plush against the field of green velour, the bright spring ballads of the thrush will render musical tire moor, the heart of .humankind will thump for love, in spite of its regrets, and all ttte girls will make us jump exhibiting their pan taletfes.

Alas! for war—except for that We might rejoice without re- ■ . straint. And all our hearts go pit-a-pat’ For joy ,of papering and paint. The shadow of that great to-do Is ever cast upon us here; It makes our daily humor blue When it were,,otherwise of cheer They cannot knock a Moslem fort Upon its back, or shoot a Greek Uuf one can hear the.dull reportIn Dun or Bradstreet in a week. A plague upon their houses all. And on their warriors a pest— We take no part in all their squall. But still must suffer with the rest

There will be nothing especially new about the war in April. The attack on the Dardanelles will continue a picturesque feature of .that fool business, but the grand opening everywhere has been set for May, and there will he no further indication of how the war is going before that time. Since the failure of the spring equinox- and other astronomical phenomena to ibring the participants to their senses, nothing of that nature will be attempted in April. The moon will simply pass through its usual phases, being full on' the 29th. President Wilson will run another month in his now famous drama, “Don’t Rock the Boat.” The Mexican revolution, which has been keeping Lent, will be a little live-

lier. Japaji will continue in the role of the international cut-up. The first twenty days of tjie month will be under the influence of Aries the Ram, the first sign of the zodiac. He has thus far failed to do anything, and on the 20th we will shift to Taurus the Bull, the second Taurus has sometimes proven ‘efficacious. One can never tell. Then May will make her sweet advent, And where we have the harsh perfumes Of powder, we shall have the scent Of hyacinths and cherry blooms.