Jasper County Democrat, Volume 17, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 May 1914 — The Grand Promoter [ARTICLE]

The Grand Promoter

A Stranger Plays Him a Low Down Trick

By M. QUAD

There was some one outside of Major Crofoot’s office door. A knock, knock, knock. “tome light in!” “I'm looking for the Major Crofoot that has all sorts of good things to invest in. ” said the caller. “Then you have come to the right place. Have a chair.” “Thanks. Now, then, I don’t wish to take up your valuable time. Have you got anything good on hand? 1 want something perfectly safe that will return 9 or 10 per cent on the money.” "My dear sir, 1 have got half a dozen of the best things going. When yon speak of 9 or 10 per cent dividends P makes me smile. 1 don’t deal in small fish. Anything I take 1 >d of must pay 30 per cent or I drop it.” “Good Lord!” ejaculated the caller as he sat up. “Thirty per cent at least, sir. What would you say to stocks paying dollar for dollar?” “But I’m willing to take 40 per cent,’’ replied the. man. “Gee whiz, but what man can ask for more than that?” “Very fair, very fair.” loftily replied the major, “but nothing to brag of. Being you have come direct to the office* 1 want to pick out something extra. Let me see. The Universal Glass Eye company paid GO per cent dividends two years ago, but last year dropped down to 30. It will be still less than that this year on account of hard times. Ix>ts of one eyed people stick a patch over the eye and let it go at that. If you'd come in a month ago I could have let you in on the ground floor of the Magic Rat and Mouse Destroyer. The stock went like wildfire, and the la£t was sold at We figure it will pay 400 per cent dividends for the next twenty years.” “And I can’t get in. Thunder, but why didn’t 1 know about it! But you must have something for me.” insisted the caller in anxious tones, "Let me see! Let me see! How absentminded I am this morning. Just as you knocked 1 was making up the incorporation papers for my last and best scheme. It's one that’ll lay over all others. I was saving it to begin the year on.” “Good, good! What is it? By George, old fellow, if you put me on to something good you shan’t lose by it!” “You know what delicacies turtle soup and turtle steak are considered?” "1 do.” "“And you know the high price frogs’ legs bring?” “Yes.”

“Well, that's the basis of the Great Western company, just organized. We are going to rent nine square miles of latke St. ( lair flats and raise our frogs and turtles and can them on the spot. They will be canned in champagne, aud the labels on the cans will lie handsome enough to frame and hang in any one’s parlor. Three turtle steaks and two dozen frogs’ legs every can. Killing and canning take place every day. We shall control the mar ket of the world.” 1 “What dividends do you figure off?” “Well, last night I was figuring on a straight 100 per cent, but this morning I thought I ought to make a little allowance. Many turtles die of homesickness, you know, ami a certain per cent of the frogs are bound to jump the wire fences and get away. To be very safe and conservative 1 have put the dividends at 95 per cent. 1 think that is a rather neat figure, dou’t you?” “Great! Great Scott. I’ve been lending money at G per cent!” “How—how much were you thinking of investing?” asked the major in a voice that trembled in spite of himself. “Twenty thousand dollars perhaps.” | “And you—you will pay something down to secure the stock?” ! “A hundred dollars. Here’s a check I’ll indorse over to you. and I’ll come in tomorrow and pay the balance and get the stock. By George, but I'm in luck! Just think of getting hold’of something paying 95 per cent dividends! Why. my wife will think me crazy when I tell her about this. Y’ou won’t let Morgan buy the whole thing up and freeze me out. will you?” “No. You shall have the stock.” “And I’ll remember you. I'll buy you a pearl pin out of the first dividend. If you want, when you get Started, I’ll show you how to catch frogs for canning. There’s a peculiar way of getting hold of them by one hind leg. Ninety-five per cent! I can’t help but dwell on it!” L“Yes, it’s a good thing.” replied the ajor as he shoved the folded check Into lis vest pocket in a careless way. “You will be in tomorrow?” “Sure. Mike! If 1 was a Frenchman I’d kiss you .for luc)<, but as I’m not we'll shake hands and I’ll say ta. ta. Tomorrow! Ninety-five per cent. Whoop!” ■When he had gone the major walked up and down to calm his raging heart. It didn’t seem possible. He cbuldii’i <?redit his good luck. Then at last he took the check from his pocket and looked at it to see what bank it was drawn on. His eyes opened wide, and be uttered a moan and staggered to a heat. It was drawn in favor of “A. Sucker,” indorsed by “Another Sucker’’ and signed by “Fncie Rube.” Then the light went out, and the grand promoter bowed his head and knew the bitterness of the green pcrsimnion.