Jasper County Democrat, Volume 17, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 May 1914 — GANDERBONES FORECAST. [ARTICLE]

GANDERBONES FORECAST.

MAY. Wake me early, mother darling. For I must go to war; I want to be in Mexico Where Wood and Funston are. - I want to see those famous men Make little of their lives, And I want to be there, mother - dear, r— —-uWhen Roosevelt arrives. I want to feel the land tip up When, he 'shall bound ashore, And watch the very mountains shake When he begins to roar. I want to see his men ride by With Bwana at their head. And hear the Mexicans exclaim, "Here comes that fellow Ted!” May gets its name from the Latin majores (the elders i, just as we have June from the latin juniores (the younger). The Roman people were divided into these two classifications by Romulus, the one being appointed to maintain the republic by their counsels and the other to their arms. The elders decided when the flag had been ingulfed. and the did the flght-

ing. This system was in some respects similar to our own. When the Gauls refused to salute after arresting one of his boat crews, Caesar took the young men and attacked them by land and sea. He began by seizing the customs houses, which was customary in war then as it is now. The situation in Gaul at that time was about what the situation was in Mexico when we began our War with Huerta. There were three armies in the field —the Aquitanians, who corresponded to the Huertaristas; the Belgians, who were comparable to the Constitutionalists, and the Helvetians, who resembled the Zapatists. Caesar, who was a brilliant military strategist like Gen. Wood, alternated between playing both ends against the middle and the middle and one end against the other end until he had the Gauls too exhausted to fight the Romans at all. It was thus he divided the country into three parts. Like shells from Funston's trusty guns, The buds will open with a boom, And showers tempered by the suns Will fill the orchards with perfume. The army worm will dance around And hurl defiance at the wheat, The slicker’s drumming will resound Across the meadowland and sweet, ■' The warlike niuley cow will take A potshot ;•« he milking pail, And the playful billygoat will make The calf salute him with his tail.

There is no other spirit quite so catching as the thrill of war. It makes us ail desire to fight, no matter who or what we are. The quaint peace advocate is wild to shoot somebody in the» back, the married man subdued and mild, becomes a raging maniac, the parson rushes from, his frock and wants to scatter ball and shell, the quiet man along the block begins to fulminate and yell, the veteran who testifies that war is heli begins to dance, the women, Who have tender eyes, appeal 'or haversacks and pants, the meek and lowly of the earth intimidate the bold and brave, and all that any man i s worth is food and filling for a grave. To prate of pea* e is very well* < nd peace we think a goodly thing:. let the -rminfrv ring the bell, and all <>f ns are in .the ring. We fipt. get thi.; country here by pethods iayorefi at The Hague, nor did our liberty appear on any invi•ation vague. .We fought for all •■ye have today’, ;.nd -each- man of il '.' a • our liberty of blessd wav we dragged her hither by “ | Ac like .A. Carnegie, all '-in., 1; .< motives 'good enbugti, ,huy .let somebody : start a ■ and oil with th: t amu-ing A m. ion ii-.es and holds its •pvii by knocking other countries ' 'H. and once it's character is known ■ air take tare what they're ■ d’ i ‘t. Ae licked a few of them to show them sundry samples of ciiii grit, and now were tanning Mexico, they’ll find we hasn't change <'d a bit

At any rate, the garden plot l Will shell the liver with its. sass, -t'.d all Jis shall be forgot _ in Brussels sprouts ann sassafras. Tile eautimis: navy bean will hold Ihe inner channels free from germs, - . ■■ ~?' Thy watchful beet will break the mold - Am’ bring the appetite to terms; ihe green cucumber will essay. To take the palate with a rush, .And oii a glad and: coming day The Walter will remove the mush. So farms known only one of the ' w sAi. ,p \ daughters . will be m;*r- ’ ml in May, but there win be <•* few weddings outside of the White 1 louse in quarters where affairs of iat* are net interfering with the course <>t true love. Dictator lit.eria, who was cowardly enough to pick a war with us at a time when Col. Roosevelt waS down in the Brazilian jungles and couldn’t get at him will have another bad month, .(probably his last. The Panama tolls dispute, which was put aside for a few days while the senate. could talk about something that more people agreed upon, will be revived about the ninth, when the moon will be full and there will be a little light on almost everything. The first -0 days of May will be under the influence of Taufus the Bull, the second sign of the zodiac. People

bom trader tlris sign believe in taking the bull by the horns, and would have intervened in Mexico a long time ago. After the twentieth the month will be unuer the influence of Gemini the Twins, the third sign of the zodiac. People born under this sign are a little timid, and would rather have Villa fight with us if he could see his way clear to making any use of our army and navy. There will be no astronomical phenomena during the month, all hope of getting rid of Huerta in that way have been abandoned. Then June's blue skies will stretch above, The which we ll welcome gladly, And men and maids will swear to love Each other long and madly.,