Jasper County Democrat, Volume 16, Number 102, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 March 1914 — GANDERBONE’S FORECAST. [ARTICLE]

GANDERBONE’S FORECAST.

APRIL. Congressman , . no Stoppeth one of three habdorn.” he saitli, Wilt thou but hK.k at me! °A n^ day Wol ' e a high s ’lk hat And costly tailored clothes' A diamond pin in my cravat Apa silk imported hose. "The daughters of the White House then nn cf e ? erely beil1 5 wooed; " , n , day . nights a few voting men ould pleasantly intrude. M S < 1118de f< >r serenades Beneath the silent stars I'or. sweet apostrophes to maids rhe music of guitars. * '\V..^°K.^ SS! . men - K r °wn. cold in love VVere tilmd to what it meant; ’ smiling moon above ltn fatuous consent. ‘tTiie dread significance of it ' tby wit', no doubt, foretells ' B VpJ ls !;; n : friends, a little bit rhoull hear the wedding bells. “KZ gifts my pay has gone Mj raiment and. mv ail- c ’ For wedding gifts I live upon huch manna as may fall. "For brooches and for' loving cuds My state is sad to view Tonight. I think, the Congress suds At Hash House No.' 2. “In shame do I harangue the throng ' And prate upon my needs; But these assessments come along Just like a string pf beads.” It is a ragged Congressman Who qultteth one of three. "Now by my halidom,” he saith "No more of this for me!” April was called by the ancients

the loveliest of the months. This was because it Typified both the beauty of Venus, for whom it was named, and her philosophy of the uses of beauty. Venus was the most beautiful creature who ever lived. She was the Lillian Russell of mythology. Everybody wanted to marry her, and speculation as to her choice was as great, as that with respect to Alice Roosevelt’s. She knocked the wind out of everybody by marrying Vulcan, who did a general vulcanizing and blaeksmithing business, and was about the age of Secretary McAdoo. He was so ugly that people thronged his shop to trade, just as we go to see Eddie Foy. It had been supposed that Venus would marry Apollo or some other ravishing male beauty, but she took Vulcan and held the soldering iron in the shop ;or him when the automobile season was on, She explained th a t sh e 'eOn si d ered if - the duty of every beautiful woman to marry an ugly man, and asked how else the average-of beauty was to lie raised. Nobody could say, and from that day to. this beautiful women have married ugly men. Thus,we have in April the loveliness of Venus and the thunderbolts .of Vulcan, a combination which meant, more to the ancients than either the flowers of May or the charms of June. . Sweet maiden of: the ibng ago i low many men have i.Jest phy wit, And when the gas wns bnrr.i g low . Have . rendered gratitude for it? And thou, old top. had it 1- cn For your droll smile the ages through To give an old man. heart to win. "'hat would have happened McAdoo? At. any rate the cherry blooms will calmly burst upon the view, and rare and delicate perfumes will wan dor up the avenue. The blithe and supple'-jointed calf will lightly tread th • flowered mead, constituents will telegraph their trusty congressman for seed, the whip-poorwiil at dead of night will run the pleasant scale of spring, the tax assessor will delight in prying into everything, the playful mole will raise bis crest in green embossing the lawn, and the master frog will wake i rom rest and wave his orchestral baton, the sassafras will cleanse the blood and tune the plumbing up to plumb, the depth and texture of the mud will make the good roads movement hum, the sober-minded will revert to sacrifices, hits and bunts, and the lady of the two-slit skirt will show us both her legs at once.

The splendor of the east<*r hat will match the beauty of the skies, and all good men will go to bat and do their best to swat the flies. The crowd around the soda fount will thicken as the weather warms, the castle walk will take tip: count and permit in tlie devil's arms, the railroad folder will, beguile the fisherman with pleasant lies, the season will consent to stifle on Panamas and summer ties, the farmer will sedately tool Ills aiPoplow around the field, the bobolink beside the pool will sing for summertime revealed, the moving van will rumble past with bopie. strapped down upon its back, the cow v, ill -how a ]i .liter cast of red velour along the back, the lark will make Caruso sound like someone sharpening a skate, the gentle J’aiti will pat the ground and make the garden vegetate, the young man’s fancy will descry an angel straying front the skies, flic spinster will begin to sigh and think of forming other ties, on Time's eternal camping ground the it in Grande will wind about, and the Mexicans will lay around and let the chickens fight it out. } , g/ V; /::.?.v —F.) - j C : ;.y - Th l ' puz/.ivii Congress,' Will del Kite The truth" and lUliieS as f<> tolls. And unsay Words', sluill iiulua't.The pert 11 i-t»:i t ion of our souls. T! • l*i i si.P-nt shall lead the wa v ■V For .'th.os'e who think we .shoul.ijeverse, The opposition will display Its matihers to the universe. A\ hat tinv apd Pa nneefot*’ thought was writ' . We'll each of us in tmn construe. And if the 1 temoeiats don't split 1 hey get . tile hot - cross hull for true.

The first day of April will be All fools .ay. Fools’ caps will be worn very low Ibis year, and will rest "non the right ear With tlie raking effect of the new women’s bats. Ambassador Page will be big joker, and the Mexican navy will be little inker. There will be almost no jokes.at home this year. April 10 will be Good Friday, "ben it is confidently expected that President Huerta will be good and resign. Easter will come on the 12th. The Easter styles tire very becoming this year. Skirts are to have slits on each side, to keep the legs ventilated, and hats, which have been pressing the right ear down against the head and confining hearing to the left side, are to have a Kivg-hple in them through which the ear rendered useless by last year's styles is to come out in an upright position. On the 18th the anniversary of the beginning of the American War of Independence will he celebrated by the suffragettes who will assemble in Washington and throw bricks at the White House. The moon will be full on the 10th.

Then May will come, with flowers blight I o fascinate and charm 11s, I an tile wedding gifts in’ sight Will thoroughly alarm us.