Jasper County Democrat, Volume 16, Number 101, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 25 March 1914 — Page 4 Advertisements Column 3 [ADVERTISEMENT]

Social Rivalry.

“I iindeistiiad that- there are two. rival..s<> iai sets in this totvii." "Ye-1 One set is composed of people who Im ve. undergone PpefatJbns for appendicitis and the others have .had the children’s adenoids reihoved.”—Chicago Record-Herald.

Pye i ng.

He was listening to her dyeing request, ■ - “Make it a soft brown shade,'- she pleaded- "Rut don't get it too dark.” “Yeis, madam,” replied the hair bleacher.—Cineii-inati Enquirer.

An Occupation.

“Life is a deuced bore. 1 wish 1 had some interest in life.” "I don't blame you, Percy. Why don't you a dog to lead you around?”—Kansas City Journal.

Sure Protection.

Customer (trying on dress suit, jokingly)—l hope I’ll never tie mistaken for a waiter. Tailor—When in doubt keep your hands in your pockets.—Judge.

The Favored Guests,

Cale Proprietor—l believe in system.' I keep a bouncer to throw out the obstreperous people who are not regular customers, and 1 throw out the regular customers myself.

Forewarned.

Father—Tour friend has a very open countenance, Sarah. Sarah—There! I told him to keep his mouth shut!—Baltimore

Mean.

She—Some day you’ll wake up and flrjd women ruling the universe. He—That’s the day I'm going to oversleep —Philadelphia Ledger. 4--,—,

Helping Him. Along!

“I do not know exactly how To say what’s in my heart. I long to tell it to you now, But cannot make a start.j, “My tongue has not the power to tel! My inmost thoughts.’’ said he “J cannot voice the dreams that dwell Forever here With me.” She looked at him and, smiling, said, As one who something, knows: “Cut out the speech and go ahead. It's time you did propose" - i-upriiU F;-<se .Press. /