Jasper County Democrat, Volume 16, Number 99, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 March 1914 — Page 3 Advertisements Column 5 [ADVERTISEMENT]

The Difficulty. “I thought you were going to save so much of your salary every week?" "That was my New Year’s resolution," ’ f : "Are you doing it?" ”* started out to, but the wife kicked when 1 started to take the savings outof her allowance,”—Detroit Free Press. His Pound of Flesh. Chauffeur—\Vheli you sold me that car you said you’d replace brbkeu parts. Dealer—l certainly will live up to nly contract. What’s broken? Chauffeur—Three arm and niy New Year’s resolution not to swear. —Philadelphia Ledger. True to Life. Church- What part did he take in the play? Gotham—He took the part of a janitor ofi a flat. "Was it true to life?" "Sure; the house was cold.”—Yonkers Statesman. In the Asylum. “Why is that man over yonder keeping up such an awful mowing with his mouth?”

"He? Oh, he’s a former suburbanite, and he thinks his wife is calling! him to go to work on the lawn.”—Baltimore American. Unpardonable. "What are your reasons for wanting a divorce, madam?” Inquired the judge. "Failure to support.” "But you live in apparent luxury.” “He failed to support me for a nomination that 1 wanted.” Washington Press. Sympathy. Small Elsie told her aunt she was a "ehump.” She was reprimanded by her mother and told to apologize. Tod dling up to her insulted relative, she said. “Auntie. I’m sorry you are a t hump.”—Chicago News. Old Fashioned Way. "I see they have operated on a Philadelphia boy’s head in order to make a better boy of him.” “That isn’t where my dad used to operate on me to make a better boy or me.”— Houston Post. No Relief Anywhere. Conductor ms motor bus on the live nue)*-I‘assengers all mu. We’ve punctured a tire. . Old Gentleman —By Jove! It’s as baa as riding in your own car.—Life. Thought He Had Something. “He made every dollar of his' fortune honestly.’’ "Is that so? I thought he was richer than that.”—Detroit Free Press. Comparisons. Hear, when we dance together you Seem but :i sylph and l a pig.' Your Uttle. shoe is number two; Mine well, its big! And when 1 hold your hand in mlr<t> Your little fingers lightly fall My glove, 1 think, is number nine; Yours—welt, it’s small! So tiny‘you from boot to glove. So mighty 1, who dare not speak. For what I earn per year, iny love,: You spend per week! Clew land Plain Dealer.

FREE! AT THE Rex Theatre Thursday Afternoon, Meh. 19 From 2 to 4 o’clock THE UPPER MICHIGAN LAND AND SECURITY COMPANY invite the public of Rensselear \ and vicinity to attend A Free Stereopticon Lecture Illustrated with a great variety of Life Size Photographs of Pictures r \ Scenery of Prosperous Farm Homes, Numerous Products and Natural Attractions. The Wonderful Upper Michigan Peninsula is located free from drouth, where all crops are sure* especially adapted to Dairying, Stock Raising, Fruit Growing and Diversified Agriculture. The climate is favorable, the market is convenient and ample, and land is being sold at a very low price and on long time. COME AND INVESTIGATE REESE HILL.