Jasper County Democrat, Volume 15, Number 77, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 December 1912 — SHOWING PA HOW TO BRING PEACE [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

SHOWING PA HOW TO BRING PEACE

Mrs. Remsen Knew Proper Wa> to Manage Lovers’ Quarrels.

By CLARA INEZ DEACON.

(Copyright. 1912. by Associated Literary I Press.) After farmer Remsen’s wife had •trained the evening milk and got things ready for an early breakfast she came out on the veranda where her husband sat smoking and sat down with a bump and a sigh. Two or three minutes passed and then the husband remarked:' “I’m gittin’ riled up.” “You don’t mean mad?” was asked “Yes. I do." “But what in beeswax has riled The spotted cow didn’t kick you again tonight, did she?” -e "No, it aip’t the spotted cow. It’s the way things are goin* around this house and the time has come when I want to know all about it." “I didn’t know as anything dreadful had happened,” replied the wife after a moment. “The meals are being cooked and the t beds made the same as usual. I guess you’ve got prickly heat.” “And I guess you’n Kitty take me for a fool! ” “Look here, pa,” said the wife in a soothing way, “it would be better for you to ’tend to the outdoor work and leave me to manage inside. But if you won’t do it I tell you something. It don’t amount to shucks, but you’ve got to know or bust. Our Kitty and Earl Andrews have quarreled.” “You don’t say!” exclaimed pa with such vigor that he bit off the stem of his pipe. - "There you go! You’ll be falling off your chair ne^t!” “But they’ve quarreled! Bless my cats, but I thought something was up. I asked about Earl three or four days ago and you turned me off. So they’ve had a row and won’t get married?” ’ “What a man you are, pa! S’pose they have quarreled? Young folks in love always quarrel. You’n me quafreled.” “But we made it up.” “So will they if some idiot don’t spile everything.” “And that’s the reason Kitty is moonin’ around and eatin’ nuthin’ but tea and toast?” he asked after hitching around for a while. “She ain’t goin’ to die over it. I don’t want you to say a word or to pretend to notice anything. It’s not for the girl’s father to mix in such things. You jest leave it to me.” “But women ain’t got heads for business.” “Is this business, you old sunflow-

er?” exclaimed the wife. “Do you think you can patch up a lovers’ quarrel the same as you sell butter’n eggs? No, sir, and that’s why I tell you to keep hands oft.” “Yes; but mebbe I’ll have to go to Earl and threaten to lick him.” “Hiram Remsen, have you lost the little sense you ever had?” was flung at him like a stone. “Jest hear me, now. You shet up as tight as a clam! Don’t you peep! Don’t you notice anything! Don’t you mix in ’tall, If you do !” When Miss Kitty returned from school there had been admiration, love, an engagement and a quarrel. There are forty different things lovers can do and quarrel about, and so why specify the one thing in this case? It Is sufficient to say that both were agreed they had made a great mistake in thinking they were for each other, and all the time they knew they were making a great mistake in saying so. “You will find the right man and be happy with him," sighed the young man as he left the house. “And you the right'girl.” It was very sad. It was so sad that Miss Kitty wenMirto the house and kicked the cat, and the young lover scuffed two long miles down to the vilalge through the dust and wished a tramp were at hand to kick him. Pa Remaen’s curiosity was not half satisfied, hut ma bossed the roost and had a sharp tongue, and he kept hands off. It was a hard task for him, and when the spotted cow kicked him he kicked back with great vigor. One day there wps a report in the village that Miss Kitty Remsen was going to Arizona to teach school at $75 a month, and thsre were those '

who said that she would marry Boms rich cattleman within a year. Following on the heels of the first report came one that Mias Kitty had had an offer of SSO a week to go on the stage and play the part of little Eva in “Uncle Tom’s Cabin.” Her good looks and her talent would insure her marriage to a millionaire before the end of the second season. The third report was to the effect that Miss Kitty was to accompany a rich Boston lady as companion on a trip around the world, to be gone two years, and that in Paris she would surely find a count to fall in love and propose to her.

The three reports were rather indefinite, but the fourth was vouchtd for by the county paper. It could state on the best of authority, it said, that Miss Kitty Remsen, daughter of the well-known and highly esteemed farmer Remsen, had been knocked down by a running hog and had her left leg broken. The bone had been set by D. Cummings, the popular medico, and the patient was doing well.

Earl Andrews’ father had given him a start in life by buying him a flouring mill. As the sad-hearted young man ground the wheat into flour the gossip of the village reached his ears and gave him cold chills. He had loved and lost. He had meant to love, hut the lost was a different matter. He had rather picked the fuss for the sake of making up. He even knew just what he would reply when a penitent note from Kitty brought him hack to the farm house 1 , and with tears in her eyes she asked forgiveness. He would pretend to think the matter over for a couple of minutes and then say:

“Very well, but don’t let it happen again.”

The sum of money which that young man would have given to put things back two weeks he figured out on one of his paper flour sacks at $3,850,224.85. He figured it three times, so there could be no mistake about it. The words “loved and lost!” rang in his ears above the grinding of the mill. Pa Remsen had heard all the reports as they came out, and at length the time came when he must talk. “Ma, what does It all mean ?” he! asked. "Oh, it’s you, is it?” was answered. “Didn’t I tell you to keep your nose out?" “Yes; but “And you do it!” “But what’s Kitty doing out in the orchard? Some tramp >may come along and yell at her. I guess I’ll—” “You guess nothing! Don’t you go near the orchard, and don’t you call her!” ’ He went off to work in the cornfield, but an hour later came tiptoeing back to the house to say: “Martha, there’s a tramp skulking in the orchard!" “Tramp nothing, you old hen. I really believe you are getting blind! Go back to your work!” It was only half an hour this time before pa returned to say: “There’s a tramp right up to Kitty and talkin’ with her! I’m goin’ out and- ” He was whirled around and flung down on a chair, and It. was two or three minutes before the wife said: “Now you can get ready to ask Earl Andrews to stay to supper. It’s him out there with Kitty!” “Gosh all hemlock!” “And you’d have spilt the hull thing!” “Then—then ” “Then you shot up! I never did see what cabbage beads men are over makln’ up lovers’ quarrels! Jest go out and hang around the back door in a keerless way. and when they come up you ask Earl to have a glass of buttermilk to stay his stomach ’till I can get the love-feast ready!”

“Gosh All Hemlock!”