Jasper County Democrat, Volume 15, Number 65, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 November 1912 — MA PUT INDIAN SIGN ON CUPID [ARTICLE]

MA PUT INDIAN SIGN ON CUPID

By LAURA TURNER.

“My ma surely did put the skids under that Heinz fellow last Sunday night,” laughed the girl with the exaggerated psyche knot. “He won’t come mooning around my sister Bertha any more. “She giggled as she tucked in a few stray hairs had curled over her collar and surveyed her pleasing reflation in the mirror above the lavatory.

“How did she squelch him, Annie?” asked the sleepy looking blonde, stretching her wet handkerchief across the mirror to dfy it. “Well, Bertha’s had an awful case on Heinzy for quite a while. He’s a widower, with a boy about five years old, but Bertha said she didn't Care, for she liked him anyway. She used to rave about him until she made ma and me tired. I could see from the start that ma didn't have much use for him, and she warned Bertha that all he was looking for was somebody to keep house and cook his meals for him and take care of that kid of his.

“Bertha said ma was wrong, that he was head over ears in love with her, and she wouldn’t hear a word against him. Ma used to call him Bertha’s fireside companion, because he never took her anywhere, but just sat around and acted as though he was afraid to spend a nickel. ‘‘Last Sunday morning Bertha went out to the kitchen and asked ma if she would let her have the Heinz fellow to supper that evening. She coaxed around until ma finally said she could ask him if, she wanted to, but you could see that ma wasn’t at all crazy about having him come. “After Bertha had gone out and ma and I were doing up the work, all ol a sudden I saw that ma had an idea. She chuckled to herself the rest of the morning, but Bhe wouldn’t let me in on the joke. When I asked hei about it she Just told me I would have to wait and keep my eyes open and 1 would see something funny. “That evening Bertha said she wanted to supper all by herself and show Heinzy what a grand cook Bhe was. Ma says ‘All right, if you want to get a job as housekeeper, of course you must give your future boss a sample of your cooking.’ With that Bhe Went upstairs.

“After a while ma came down again and asked Bertha how she was getting along. Bertha said that everything was on the stove ready to dish up, and would ma watch things while she hue tied upstairs in order to primp up a bit? “Ma said she would, so Bertha beat It Upstairs to doll up for Heinzy. “When we all filed up to the dining room and sat down things looked good to me. While ma was bringing in the dishes Bhe says to Heinzy: ‘I want you to know, Mr. Heinz, that Bertha cooked every bit of the supper tonight, so if you like ft you’ll have to give her all the credit for it’ Heinzy looked over at Bertha with a fat, contented smile and tucked a napkin under his double chin. Then he took a bite of biscuit and next 1 saw him look all around to see if anybody was watching him as he rolled it out of his mouth Into hfs hand and laid it carefully on his plate. I began to get suspicious, so I took a bite oi biscuit Just to see. Say, it was about the awfulest tasting thing i ever ate! “It was positively green inside! Bertha had used soda instead of baking powder, and plenty of it, too, and the biscuits were simply terrible! “I copied Heinzy and got rid of my bite quick as I could and took a swallow of coffee to get the taste out of my mouth. Say! The coffee was so weak it was Just like water! I looked over at ma and her face was as red as a beet, she was trying so hard to keep from laughing. “I knew pretty well then who had queered the supper. Ma must have put soda in the baking powder can so Bertha would be sure to get it, and probably she put plenty of hot water Jn the coffee pot after Bertha had gone upstairs. ■ : •

“I was curious to know what bias ma had done, so I helped myself to A chop. Salty! It was worse than a mackerel that hadn’t been soaked overnight! Why, I felt pickled In brine after I swallowed it! I glanced over at Heinzy. He was the glummest looking somebody you ever sawl Every now and then he looked at Bertha with a frown blanker than a thunder cloud. “When we came to pie I found that ma had ever\ switched pies on poor Bertha. The under crußt was Just like soft rubber! Heinzy ate the filling out and left the under crust staring Bertha in the face. Then we all got up and Went into the parlor, but Heinzy never said a word about Bertha’s fine booking. Bertha didn’t say anything, either. She had caught on right away what ma had .done, but she never chirped. "Heinzy didn’t stay very late that night. I guess he was anxious to get away and hunt a lunch counter. He’d beeil coming to see Bertha every night for two weeks, but he hasn’t been back since.’’ "What did Bertha say to your mother afterward?” asked the sleepy looking blonde. “Was she ugly about it?” “I should say not! She saw that ma was right—that he was only looking for a cook—and she’s glad that she found it out in time. My ma is as sharp as they make ’em, and nobody can put anything over on her. She’s got the Indian sign on Cupid!” v