Jasper County Democrat, Volume 15, Number 60, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 October 1912 — GANDERBONE'S FORECAST For November. [ARTICLE]

GANDERBONE'S FORECAST For November.

"Wo is the candidate ahead, ■ ad gaining rapidly?" they said. The one who dashes down thg track With the others howling at his back?" “Why, that,” said Hilles, Hopeful still, “Why, that’s our man, 1 reckon—Bill.” "The one in running tights,” ihey cried, "With a smelling bottle at his side, lis backers greeting him with cheers And his knee-caps fanning at his ears?” “Why, that,” said Mr, Bryan. “Yes—- , Wfiy, that’s our Jerseyman, I guess.” "The fast man raising all the dust?" They said in evident distrust. "The fellow’ showing them his heels Like a farmhand going to his meals?” ’Why, that,’ tae RoocevcUers s-‘l, “Why, that's our lion hunter, Ted." . ' “The front one galloping?” they whined, With his coat tails standing out Dehind, lis brogans putting up the dirt, And a sandbur working in his shirt?” “That’s him!" they Separately said. “That’s Bill! “The Jerseyman!" And “Ted." \ November is from the Latin Noyem, nine. It was formerly the ninth month of the year, but Numa, who was running for a third term, refus'd to is£”e the regular Thanksgiving proclamlion until he knew how he was coming out, and pushed it along to eleventh place. He was defeated, and did not proclaim any Thanksgiving at all, but the one and two termers got together, and the day was celebrated over his head.

A fond farewell, thou lovely fall, the winter days are coming. The ivy rattles on the wall and flowers are succumbing. The wild goose wedges down the sky, with Boreas :o bite him, and the bull moose sounds his thrilling cry for all who care to fight him Adieu to peace, the tender sky, the beauties of the season, the candidate’s untroubled eye\and the mere appeal to reason. The (battle rushes to its close, the bull begins to bellow, the last man with a bloodj' nose will be a lucky fellow. The field at Armageddon throbs with the heat of battle on it, and the red bandanna blithely bobs above the royal bonnet. The golf club rises on the air from’ each new-spatter-ed noggin, and the Jerseyman is everywhere with his bloody pogamoggan. Lay on, thou warriors athirst, With neither let nor comma. And fie upon the one who first Shall bellow for his mamma. The country will survive the row. However it’s decided. And it can’t much matter, anyhow. The way we are divide,d.

The hunter’s horn will rouse the morn with mellow music of the chase and waking day will look the worn and cold duckshooter in the. face. The pneumococcus will devise a few wet inlets in his boot, and in the end he will arise and calmly massacre a coot. Meanwhile the farmer will pursue the bold quail hunter on his manse, and having deftly worked him through a few wire fences, get his pants. The chilled trespasser, with his knees in rapid contact in the blast, will hurry homeward while disease pursues him hotly to the last.

The frightened men. this last time out. Will cast their vote for President, And the women, loitering about. Will voice their growing discontent. They’ll get the men in such a state Before the voting has commenced. They’ll sometimes help the candidate That like as not they bet against. What women’s rights can haply be occasions many grave disputes, but once the women folks ngree, they 11 get them, j’ou can bet your boots. As like as not another fall or such a matter will suffice, and in the new arrangement’ all the men can ever be is vice. At any rate, we’ll vote this time, and till that imminent event, the Wondrous beauties of the clime will not occasion much comment. The sassafras will waste its , frail and fragile beauty on the blind, add the sweet cadenzas of the quail will perish on the Autumn wund.

Old King Corn and all his men Will tent upon the fields again, And in the few contested states Will succor all the candidates They’ll make their military round Wherever hungry people sit, And see that credit shall redound To everybody claiming it. \ The doughty little Balkan states will measure courage with the Turk, and keep the harvester of dates attending strictly to his works. They will make him pile his blooming rugs as high as Haman for defense, find we*ll be picking out the slugs a year or such a matter hence. The only damage to accrue will be to fill the rugs with lumps, and buying them as we do, we’ll wonder If they have the mumps. The baby

every now and then will dig a bullet from the nap, and having paid the doctor ten, we’ll excoriate the scrap. The calf will show a redder plush, and take a tail-hold in the stack. The end will meet the center rush, and spring the hinges in his back. The hired man will bawl for more and thicker blankets in the night, - and the wind will pry around the door to see if everything is tight. For the first twenty-two days November will be under the influence of Scorpio, the eighth sign of the zodiac. Any boy born in this period can be president without the usual formalities. Scorpio people are the rulers of the earth". They always have a good toe-hoid on the kick off. If they once get the ball it is impossible to take it away from them. Luther, Von Moltke and Bwana Tumbo are typical Scorpio people, all of them having been born under this sign. The last seven days of November Will be under the influence of Sagittarius the Archer. The best anyone born in this period can hope for is the vice-presidency. Still, these people have tremendous foresight, and can usually see where they aren’t going to jail, which is a great help to any big business man. Carnegie and Croker are typical Sagittarians,, and were both born under this sign. The President’s regular Thanksgiving proclamation, advancing tur- • key about ten cents a pound, will be issued right after the election. And then December's winds will rout The last leaf clinging to the tree, And the cider will become ftbout What apple cider ought to be.