Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 95, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 March 1912 — Page 5 Advertisements Column 6 [ADVERTISEMENT]

NOT SUFFRAGETTES rr /t V Bobby—Pa, who are the women of the hour? Papa—Those, my boy, who say they’ll be ready tn a minute.

A Necessary Man. Speaker Cannon, at a Washington banquet, had been criticising a political opponent. “His advocacy of those measures la only half-hearted, anyway,” the speaker said. “It is as half-hearted as old Uncle Ell Baxter’s affection for his wife. , “Uncle Ell kept a crab and oyster emporium in the village of Doerun. He was rich according to Doerun standards, and the village gossips said that his wife, a young and pretty woman, had married him for his money. “A friend, dropping in for a cold boiled crab one morning, noticed that Uncle Eli was looking woe-begone. "What’s the matter, uncle” ho asked. ‘Rheumatism again?’ J “‘Wuss’n rheumatism,* said Uncle Eli, shortly. ‘lt’s my wife. She’s been kissin' young Lawyer Shyster what takes his meals here with me.' “The visitor .dropped In amazement the crab claw he hat been picking. “‘lmpossible!’ he tried. " 'lmpossible nothin’.’ said Uncle Eli glumly. '1 seen her do it.’ “The voice of the crab later quivered with awe and interest. '• ‘Then what are ye going to do about it, Uncle Eli?’ he asked. " ‘Do?’ said the old man, sourly. What can I do? If I let the cat put of the bag that I’ve lost confidence in Lawyer Shyster, he’s liable to change his eatiu'-house.’ ”

Had No Tima. j Sir Arthur Faushawe, who has held so many high appointments in India, recently related an amusing story of a Mohammedan servant who, when asked his religion, replied: “Beg pardon, ear, I’m a heathen.” His master then asked him what he meant by a heathen, and the man answered: “Beg pardon, sar, a worshiper of stocks and stones.” “Confound it,” remarked the master, “I can’t keep a mail "Hip that in my service.” To which came the immediate rejoinder: “Beg pardon, sar, in your highness’ service no time to worship anything!” Up and Down. Mistress—Here’s the man for that clock to be repaired. Get it tor him. Nora shufe, where is it? Mistresfc—Upstairs, ot course! Nora—Faith, an’ I thought it had run down! ' A Boarding House Dialogue. Howell—l always think too late. —What’s the matter now? Howell —I didn’t miss the dog next uoor until after I had eaten the sausage thia morning. The Democrat office is well equipped to do the better grades of job printing!. 1 HAIR BALSAM Cleansei and beautifies the halt a luxuriant growth. Never Fails to Restore Gray to its Youthful Color? Prevents hair fallinpr. -ft l * ** ft* oo at *