Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 74, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 December 1911 — Rhyme of the Man Shopper [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Rhyme of the Man Shopper

By Wilbur D. Nesbit

It Is a pallid, weary man; - He stoppeth one of three. “By thy white. cheek and blazing eye. Now, ""Wherefore stoppes; me?” “Oh, sir!” the worried man exclaimed, “I fain would have thee tell Where I may find within this store The things they have to sell.” For It was in a Christmas store That all of this

7 took place. 'Twas there the frenzied man was seen With hopeless, troubled face. The stranger man would fain begone From him of haggard eye; Besides, the aisle was crowded with The folks who would go by. “I pray thee,’’ said the stranger man, “Go chase thyself from me.” “Ah, sir,” the other man implored— A woeful wight was he. “A tortoise comb, a pair of skates, A whole carload of toys, ' Some things beside for all my friends. And for their girls and boys. “And here I arri; and I am here; The things—oh; where are they? For male and fetriale clerks conspire To hide from me the way. “But this I know, and this alone; Three aisles acrossf then back. Four counters down, one counter 'up. Then on your tra’pk. j

"The elevator .takes you next, To land you otherwheres, And when you weary of Its crowd. You amble down the stairs. “But still—but still, my honest friend. You do not reach the goal. ’Tis always ‘on the other aide,* It is, upon my soul! “So here am I, and I am here, And you are standing by, I care not where the things may be, But where the deuce am I?” They led him to an ambulance, Although he did resist, And now in padded cell he cons His Christmas shopping list. He shrieks upon the midnight clear, And on the noonday air: “Three aisles across, two counters back. Then up and down the stair!” Oh, foolish men, take heed of this, Before you go to shop, And when you reach the outer door, Tear up your list and stop.