Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 September 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

THE CONTRAST. RACE and beauty, life and motion, See the automobile run. And the fellow who is steering: Doesn’t have a' thing but fun. Hail and thunder! Fire and brimstone! And some other words the cop Has forbidden, but corne handy, See the automobile'stop! When it’s running it is running. There is no discount on that. When it's standing it is standing, You can bet your Sunday hat. All the coaxing and abusing And the turning little screens Cannot get the filing in action When it feels it must refuse. It may run along all summer, Never hinting at a balk. As the owner keeps on bragging That he doesn't have to walk. All at once and without warning In a road that's deep with sand, Far from home and the repair shop. It concludes that It will stand. When the car is smoothly spinning And the road ahead is straight Then the Joy of auto riding May be spoken of as great, But it's no ideal pleasure. No compeller of a smile, When -the engine taxes a notion It will stand round for awhile. Keeps One Guessing. “Any one can see right through * man." “I should say so. The average man is transparent as a piece of glass.” “But with woman it is different.” “Yes, quite different. Why, in these days of the perfection of art it takes a mighty good man to be able to see even through her complexion.” . Getting .Even. “The way he abused the office boy was a perfect shame. What is the matter with him this morning?” “His wife crossed him before he left home, his daughter told him where he got off. and after coming down the stenographer sat down on him. He had to get back at some one.”

It It Kicked Out. “Don't you like Marie's father?” “I don't.” “Why?” “He's too de monstrative.” “How is that?" “He puts his best foot forward too violently,” * H

Frank Advice. “What shall I do, doctor?” “Reduce jour income.” “What?” “That is what I advise.” “But what for?” “Then you won’t have so many friends to help you wreck your health.” Mamie’s Idea. “Mamie?” “Yes.” “In your experience w r hat do you find that men like to talk about?” “Themselves.” The Real Chatter. In books the language he had learned, But couldn't get the hang Of talking with the common folks. The books were shy on slang. From One Who Knows. “What constitutes happiness?” “Many things.” • “As for instance ?” “Having money enough to meet your bills.” Rest For Him. “Taken your Vacation yet?” “I am on it now.” “But you seem to be working.’' “Yes, but my wife is away.” Not Necessary. “1 always like to play the fool.” “I shouldn’t think you’d need to play It.” Preferred a Slugging Match. “I challenge you to tight a duel,” exclaimed the haughty Frenchman, whose honor had been stepped on by a careless American who hadn’t noticed where he was walking. “Oh, you do?” , “Yes; here is my card.” “But 1 refuse.” “Then I will brand you as a coward.” “If you do I will punch you In the Jaw.” Not a Matter of Choice. “Did they allow- stopovers on the train you came through on?” “Allowed them? They compelled them.” “How was that?” “We w-ere kicked off at nearly every water station.” Quite Absurd. A man was walking down the street. And he was feeling blue. Now, wasn’t that a foolish thing For any man to do? Capable. “I always shudder at the inevitable.” “I admire it.” “How funny! Why ?” “Because it is always able to take care of itself.”- '~~ r ~—- v A Rr->. “I have a good head on me.” “I notice It is good for one thing?* “What’s that?” “Butting in.” .