Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 45, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 September 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

PERT PARAGRAPHS. EXPERIENCE Is often hard to get, but It Is ours all right when we get it. A chance to make good Is one thing a boaster Isn’t looking for. Every thief Justifies himself by pointing out a bigger thief. Being honest is all that the most of us can do without garnering any worldly goods at the same time. A good boss is often a poor workman. Talking too much Is a habit tha* doesn’t worry a silent man. We speak in an unknown tongue when we talk of our feelings to the person who has injured us. When you can’t look out for your own interests without doing damage to others somebody is trespassing. Being slightly insane is the mental diversion of a lot of people. Don’t be alarmed when you see a man with a swelled head. It isn’t infectious.

Foresight. I wish I knew as much about The way that things are coming out A year from now as some folks do. Though all they know may not be true. They pick their little candidate, They straighten out the party slate, And everything is cut and dried If but their rules can be applied. They tell us Mr, Jones or Brown Will pull a nomination down And, having got along that far, Will run on like a parlor car. Although it is a year ahead, For them the final word is said. They cannot with all seeing eyes Guess how It could be otherwise. But let them hold their guessing match And secrets for the future patch. The people may insist that they Will have a word or two to say. There may be smashing of the slates As pretty Mary smashes plates, Jl And when we come to clear the wreck Unheard of ones may rule the deck. A lot can happen in a year Which at this moment is not clear. We might have war, which In Its turn Would give us candidates to burn. There may be Issues burning hot Of which today we reckon not. New measures rise and shine and set, And so db candidates, you bet.

Slight Exception. “A straight line,” said the wise man, “the shortest distance between two points.” “Unless”— began the objector. “No unless about it. It is a positive law.” “Unless, as I was about to remark, there happens to be a bear standing on the line.” It Certainly Does. “Get wisdom." “What for?” “To use.” “Do you know what that does to you?” “What?” “Makes you disagreeable.” Thought Ho Needed It “Guess what that pert Ann sent me.” “I can’t, Percy.” “A hot water bottle.” “Well, why didn’t you?” “Why didn’t I what?” “Put it at your feet.”

Getting Them Wholesale. “I saw you kissing Sister Sue last night.” “Don’t say any- « thing about it. Here is a quarter for being a good boy.” “Quarter nothing! I want at' least a dollar. They ought to be worth a cent a kiss.”

Natural Result. “I am dead broke.” “That so?” “It is sadly so." “How did it happen?” “1 have been out with a bunch of liye ones.” A Chestnut. The bill collector always knows The gentleman will say: “I’ve got a deal about to close. Please call again some day.” He takes his bills and moves along, Goes gayly through the door, As though he hadn’t heard that song A million times before. Spiteful. “Ours is an old family.” “That is plainly to be seen.” “Do you think so? How do you Bee it?” “It has all the earmarks of decrepitude.” «r 4 ■ Irresistible, “She has learned to love another.” “And who is the other?” “Some one who has learned to run ■n auto.” " “