Jasper County Democrat, Volume 14, Number 38, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 September 1911 — Humor and Philosophy [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Humor and Philosophy

By DVNCAN M. SMITH

THE WANDERER. A NOTHER comet Is In sight. Astronomers who work at night Have seen its long and fiery tail Against the distant nothing trail. And very soon the naked eye Will see It glisten in the sky. Then timid ones will have a fit And say that they are certain it Is coming on by through express To dash us Into nothingness. To butt us with Its fiery nose And bring all contracts to a close. The foolish ones will sell their land And act as though the cash in hand Would serve them better on the day The comet wiped the earth away, And they will stand around and wait That warm and awe inspiring date. The wise will calm themselves and buy Choice bargains from the ones who fly From danger by the silly route Of packing up and selling out, Who do not care to meet their fate While loaded down with real estate. And then the comet, as of yore. Will miss us million miles and mpre And to the place from whence it came Will hurry with Its tail aflame, And we will, puzzled and perplexed, Wait to be frightened by the next Better Than None.

“I hear he is on the stage.” “Yes; he has a minor role." “Indeed!” “He rolls up the curtain.” Slandered. “I do like to keep old acquaintances.” “Do you?’’ “I do, indeed.” “Then what Mrs. Brown said about you isn’tso.” “What did she say about me?” “She said you always run them down.” No Chance For Suspense. “Are you engaged to Mabel?” “No, but I have asked her to marry me, and she has promised to give me her answer tonight” “You don’t seem to be much worried about it” “Why should I? She has told me ■That it will be.” Defined. “What is your idea of a good time?" • “Leisure and a rich father-in-law.”

Tomorrow is the wastebasket into which we pitch the discard of today. Many a good housekeeper has no house to keep. A public office is too often a private graft. It is the lazy man’s regret day of the lawn mower is so rapidly succeeded by the regime of the snow shovel. Did you ever notice that sometimes all the people you don't like seem to think it your reception day? You have to earn every sincere con* pllment that Is paid you—and pay for the others. ' It is hard to make yourself immune to flattery, but it .can be done.' J ■ „ ' 'S Whenever you change a chance into a certainty you go a long way on the road to success. , , The pink of perfection is one thing, and a dark blue failure is another. The fellow who corrects your mistake isn’t anxious for you to do a like favor for him.